Beneath the Silk
by ArchArtistWriter
Summary: A dark fanfiction set pre-OotP concerning Severus Snape, as ever , Remus Lupin, and Albus Dumbledore. A completed work, but currently being re-edited to mostly align with canon - the revised Chapter One is up! A rather high level M rating, by the way.
1. Default Chapter

Introduction

I wrote this fanfic several years ago and it was the first full length story I'd ever written that wasn't a satire (!). I was surprised by how people responded to the original story but even more surprised that, even now, I still get reviews and people still favourite this fanfic.

This is mostly for you guys, as melodramatic as it may seem. I was quite young when I started Beneath the Silk, and I think we'd all agree that it shows! There are certain characterizations that don't make much sense and some fairly embarrassing typos. So, for the readers who have been incredibly patient, honest and very encouraging, I am now posting an edited and (beta'd) Beneath the Silk.

Chapter One

There was something about the way Snape reacted that caused Remus to frown slightly.

He was used to the rather empty look in Snape's eye: he'd always put that down to the man being something of a natural Occlumens. The Potions Master had plenty to be morose about, Remus knew, but for the first time, he saw something like fear in those eyes.

If he was honest - and the werewolf usually was - he would admit that he had never known Snape well enough to tell what his usual reaction would be to Dumbledore giving him an order. He wouldn't know if this was how he always reacted around the Headmaster, or if it were just a pressing consideration in his mind at the present time. That would have been understandable. But then, when the elderly wizard laid a hand on Snape's left shoulder, the dark haired man flinched.

And this sent something of a warning down Remus' spine.

In truth, you wouldn't have noticed it. There wouldn't have been a reason to. Everyone was too busy sunk in their own private miseries or worries, mulling over their assigned missions, the overwhelming odds they faced. It wasn't as if they were being sent to go on camp like little scouts either: this was a war they were fighting. Remus didn't have to guess that Snape's role was one of the most dangerous out of all of them.

But Remus swore to himself that the sullen Potions Master did not flinch when somebody laid a hand on his shoulder.

He'd scowl.

On a normal occasion, Remus would have smiled at that but for some reason, perhaps because the meeting had already plunged him into glooom, he frowned instead. Was Snape _scared_ of Dumbledore?

"Yes, Headmaster," the Head of Slytherin muttered, his black eyes fixed onto the floor. "Of course."

The werewolf hadn't noticed Dumbledore look up at he and Sirius, neither had he noticed Sirius' smiling in agreement. It was only when Sirius nudged him that he was able to stutter, "Er... of course, He- Professor," and a tiny fraction of a smile that disappeared far quicker than it had come.

Sharp blue eyes bore into Remus. "Are you alright, Mr. Lupin?"

The werewolf blinked.

"Er, yes, I'm fine... really," he insisted, ignoring the fact that two pairs of eyes - one pair black, the other brown and both as intense as the other - were staring at him. "Really... just a bit of a headache..."

"Well, in that case," Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "Severus would be able to help you there..."

"It's not that bad," Remus protested. He could feel Sirius tense beside him. Sirius' regard for Dumbledore knew almost no bounds, apart from when it came to the older wizard's almost absurd insistence that the three former schoolmates (and former rivals) make an effort to get along. In regards to that, more often than not, Remus privately agreed with his friend. There were some things that couldn't be changed. "I'll be able to manage."

"I'm sure he will," Sirius intervened. "Remus never has them for long." The polite smile on the man's face did not reach his eyes.

Remus nodded.

Dumbledore turned to Sirius and was about to say something, but gave a small smile instead. Not for the first time, Remus wondered if Dumbledore found Sirius as exasperating as Sirius occasionally found him. Snape remained quiet, but with a sour expression on his face.

"Remus," Sirius whispered. "Move, you oaf... "

"I'm suffering from a particularly bad headache," Remus replied. Sirius shook his head, amused. They both walked out of the office, leaving Snape alone with Dumbledore.

They walked a few steps down the corridor, before Sirius said, "So what actually is the matter now?"

"Nothing... I was just thinking... I didn't think anyone would notice..."

Sirius laughed. "Well he did! You of all people should know that Dumbledore always notices. You've warned me about that yourself," he clapped his friend on the back. "You could at least follow your own advice!"

Remus chuckled. It was times like these that he really did feel relieved that Sirius was back.

"Oh, thanks..." the werewolf grinned. "You'll be going back to Grimmauld Place, I take it?"

"Yes," Sirius replied, now grim. "Back to mother dearest. And the mad house-elf..." He sighed, and his eyes flashed. He was at his most unpredictable when he got like this. At such moments, Remus would become all the more aware that the friend he had known those years ago was no longer there. It was a miserable fact of their adult lives. "Back to doing nothing but getting myself drunk, letting the rest of you do the work..."

Remus almost winced at the bitterness to Sirius' voice. Part of him wanted to say that he'd gladly let Sirius take his place, if only that wouldn't have sounded cowardly. And it wouldn't have helped Sirius' temper. The person Sirius was really angry with, after all, was Dumbledore.

Dumbledore had received information concerning the meeting locales of the Death Eaters. In order to verify this, Links had to be placed in their homes and wherever the Death Eaters would meet: this was difficult because if the Links weren't placed secretly enough, they could be discovered. The Links had to be seen directly at Hogwarts, so the bonding between any pair had to be finished at one of the opposite points. Though they had few talented enough wizards to spare, Dumbledore had been insistent that Sirius stay put and out of sight at Grimmauld Place. Perhaps he thought Sirius was too big a risk – Remus certainly did, for all they were friends, and not just because he was still a murderous outlaw to most of wizarding society. Like all powerful wizards, Voldemort would be able to sense the Links if they weren't placed carefully enough. They needed quiet magics – none of the apparation and disillusionment spells that they – like true Gryffindors – excelled at. Subtlety was the order of the game.

He couldn't be sure, but Remus got the feeling that Snape had had a large part in telling Dumbledore where to the Links should be located. Sometimes he also wondered if it was because of Snape that Dumbledore had been so insistent on keeping Sirius under the proverbial lock and key. Dumbledore seemed to listen to what Snape had to say, or at least, more so than he did with the other members of the Order.

But then, Dumbledore had no time for their grudges and would probably dismiss any such suggestion from Snape if it had been made out of spite. Likewise, Remus dismissed his mutinous musings. He would remind himself that they didn't have to time for petty suspicion, such as what ripped their Order apart those fourteen years ago, but a traitorous voice could always be heard in the back of his head, wondering whether Dumbledore realised he was not dealing with Sirius in the wisest way.

Sirius glanced at Remus, worried, and tapped his shoulder. "Sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine Sirius."

His friend nodded. "If you say so: I thought you were alright anyway, but you seemed rather distant... I'd hate to be the one to suggest it, but...- "

"I ought to go to Snape for some magic potion?" Sirius gave him a look. "Thought not. It's fine, Sirius, forget it. I've suffered worse."

The animagus sniffed.

Then, Remus spoke.

"Did you notice anything different about Snape tonight?" He asked. He blinked. It was as if someone had imperioed him to say it. He'd never normally mention Snape to Sirius, certainly not a conversation starter.

"Is that what you're thinking about, then?" Sirius' face bore no expression. Remus inwardly sighed with relief.

"No, I'm just changing the subject: Talk about the war always gets me sad... and rather tired."

"Well, in answer to your first question, no. There wasn't anything odd about him, unless you count him himself. But we get that every time." His lips curved into a brief forced smile.

"You see, I'd swear there was something -"

"There probably was," Sirius waved a hand in a dismissal. "But I'm too thick to notice those subtle things. I'm only human after all."

Remus thought that was a good place to stop. There was that bitterness again. Why push it?

The two men continued to walk in silence, up to the rooms the School had provided. It was really only for the night, but they had already taken advantage of the internal floo network. Harry had been working harder, already tipped by the teachers - all except Snape - to be one of the students to do VERY well in his OWLS. Not that you could expect any less from the son of James Potter and Lily Evans. Dumbledore had decided it prudent to let a few of the senior staff members know the truth behind Sirius' incarceration, and their almost overhwleming response had taken off years' worth of damage from the broken Black in the course of a day.

They separated with a good night and went off into their respective bedrooms, Remus still thoughtful. It was most perplexing. He didn't know why he would feel so concerned for someone like Snape. It was a flinch, that was all. It was nothing to him. Should be nothing to him.

*

_He didn't answer. He didn't want to. He couldn't find anything to say. He simply lay there, trying not to shiver. All he wanted was to be left alone. To be told that he could go. That it was all over._

_"You know, I am one of the only people in the world who cares about you," the whispering voice said. The body form behind him dragged itself closer to him laborously, breath heavy. "Even your mother," the fingers were stroking his buttocks now. "Even your mother is too sad about your father... too busy with the others to care much for you. And you know it's true."_

_...Yes... I know it's true... but I hate this... I hate it..._

_"And you came to me last night."_

_"I didn't -" he gulped. "I didn't mean to..."_

_"Ah... I'm not angry with you, my boy... on the contrary..." The fingers gripped and tightened and pulled, teasing the entrance systematically._

_Let him have this fun, He thought, black fury gnawing at his guts. Let him take whatever he wants... only he won't get it... he can try... but it won't work..._

_His heart beat faster. He wanted to get out of here... get out of the bed..._

_"Yes, my boy," the figure behind him went on, a hand cusped over the boy's nipple and squeezing the surrounding flesh: he had mistaken the boy's quickened heart pace for arousal. "You feel it too..." he straddled the student slowly, sickening the second year so, that he shivered in disgust. The older man pressed more tightly against him._

_He screwed his eyes tight. _

_"Say it," the harsh raps sounded again, this time by the boy's ear. "Say it."_

_"Say it."_

_"Stop, please..."_

_"Stop?" And he did. "But you like it." An enlarged penis forced into the round of flesh above the small of the boy's back. It slid over the buttocks, clumsily missing the entrance. "That's why you came to me yesterday."_

_Was it? Why had he come here yesterday? He had come here yesterday, hadn't he. For...?_

_"Say it..."_

_A strangled sound escaped the boy. "No... I don't want to... I'd be lying to you..."_

_"Say it: You love me..."_

_"I don't!"_

_"Say it!" the man moaned, struggling to keep a grip on the boys hands; one was now grasping his penis, wet with semen, trying to guide it inside._

_"...!" He began to struggle, as he always did. If he thought about it, it didn't make that much sense. He had come here of his own accord, after all. But something about the man speaking, just listening to his pathetic pleas made the boy want to leave. It made him hate the feeling of having something put into him like this. It made him hate... him._

_"Say it!"_

_He did and for a brief flash of glory, he was in something like heaven. But then it was over, gone and without a moment's hesitation the darkness took him._


	2. Descending

Thank you very much to those of you that reviewed. I am glad that you not only liked this story, but cared enough to review it! I wasn't planning to update so soon, simply to get on with the two other important stories I'm attempting to finish, but you've all been so nice to me in your reviews that I've decided to give it a shot. I hope you like it as much as you liked the first chapter.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter Two: Descending  
  
  
  
  
  
When Remus Lupin woke up, it was still dark. It wasn't too cold, to his relief, so he decided not to lie in and just have a quick shower. Maybe he could get away with having breakfast in the kitchens this time, he wasn't feeling like any publicity.  
  
The shower was a strange relief after the night's slumber. He wouldn't say that he had slept badly, but there had been something decidedly disconcerting by the continual flickering images he received in his subconcious state: images he could just about call up with a leadening weight on his heart and feel dispirited and lonely. Those emotions had supposed to have been banished from his heart. Now they were back and for no suitable reason.  
  
I do remember, he thought to himself, rubbing the back of his neck with a towel. It was Snape... it was something about him that had hapened last night.  
  
When mostly dry, Remus began to dress himself, mind only half aware of what his body was doing.  
  
Snape had *flinched* when Dumbledore had touched his shoulder. No one else had noticed - but then again, there were only four of them present - but he, and maybe Dumbledore. With the memory fresh in his mind, Remus set off downstairs to the kitchens.  
  
He passed the numerous paintings, some of which had never forgotten him from his school days and the rest could only half recall.  
  
Several staircases swung round in the early morning silence that greets all dawns, grinding as they wrenched themselves away from landings. Remus could smell the age of it all, of Hogwarts and was filled with the customary awe for it. He hurried downstairs to the kitchens, although the eerie calm was more comforting than threatening.  
  
When outside the kitchens, he tickled the pear. It giggled, making the werewolf grin slightly.  
  
He stepped inside, at first not noticing the seated figure on one of the long tables. He only saw a few house elves, stocking up the fires that were used for Hogwarts ancient 'central heating' system and carrying sheets and brooms and pillows, running around helter skelter, despite the fact that it was only early dawn.  
  
A house elf noticed him, eyes widening. It hurried forwards towards the man and squeaked, "anything for you, sir?"  
  
"Ermmm... I'm only here for breakfast," Remus smiled in return. The house elf bowed, arms still laden with fire wood, and hurried away. To his right, Remus heard a sudden shifting of fabric.  
  
He turned and saw the formerly seated person hastily rise and gesture as if to leave quickly.  
  
"I'm sorry," Remus called, walking quickly after the person. "I didn't intend to disturb any - " He stopped as the figure turned round.  
  
It was Snape.  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "Thank you for expressing your concern, Lupin," he replied. "However, it is a waste of your breath; my breakfasting is over. I am finished here."  
  
"You didn't get up until I spoke to that house elf," Remus said, smiling slightly.  
  
Snape's reaction would have been funny if it wasn't so usual.  
  
He didn't react at all to the smile. His face remained pale, cold and hard, no hint of movement in the muscles beneath the sallow skin. His eyes stayed dull and empty. Or maybe filled with hate, you couldn't tell.  
  
"And so?"  
  
"That was a pathetic excuse, what you said before. You can stay -"  
  
"I don't need your permission, Lupin. I am going, comprende? As in, leaving: Je part, oui?" Snape - if anything - was beginning to look not only annoyed, but suspicious.  
  
"I thought you were going because someone else had arrived, interrupting your sanctuary." The werewolf said softly. "I was simply trying to reassure you that I wouldn't intrude on you or anything. I hadn't planned to bother you..."  
  
"Of course. You never do."  
  
"Wha-?" Remus was about to respond heatedly, but decided against it.  
  
"Yes?" Snape said, tersely. It wasn't a question so much as it was a command. "What do you want to say now?"  
  
"I was wondering if everything was alright with you." Lupin's fingers were crossed. He had almost added, 'and Dumbledore.'  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"That's not an answer, Lupin..."  
  
Remus successfully toned down his grin. "I know, but why don't you stay?"  
  
"Because I don't want to."  
  
"Because I'm here?"  
  
Snape seemed to be trying to control his temper: his breathing became much slower and regulated, as if he was counting. Then, when he felt himself calm enough to reply, his mouth set into the usual, thin line.  
  
"It's nothing to do with that, Lupin. I simply wanted to leave."  
  
Remus let a long silence come up. It was obvious that Snape was searching his countencance for any sign of either trouble or emotion. He wouldn't get very far, the werewolf was sure of that: he had since become an expert on concealing troublesome emotions.  
  
"Are you sure you're alright?"  
  
"I never said I was in the first place."  
  
"So you're not?"  
  
A house elf came running up to him and tugged on his robes. "We is got your brikfist, sir!" It handed the werewolf a tray with a bowl of porridge, some well-buttered hot cross buns and tea. Then it scurried away to work.  
  
"I never said that either." Snape seemed to be gritting his teeth. "I can't understand why you're asking me that question and why you're still here, not eating your breakfast. May I leave now?"  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
Did everyone know?  
  
Were they all watching him? Did they know about why Dumbledore would send a teacher to call him to his office? Did they ... did they... did they...?  
  
He swore there was something different about him. Something that made him so obviously different. Was it the way he walked? How he spoke? The way he wore his robes? The way he ate? What was it? Everyone seemed to be whispering his name in the shadows... the portraits seemed to stare at him, the suits of armour to creak mockingly whenever he walked past them.  
  
They couldn't all know, could they?  
  
"What's up with you, Severus?" Lucius murmured. "Don't tell me you're not hungry... all that studying you're doing with Dumbledore..."  
  
Did they really believe that? Or were they all smirking behind his back?  
  
"You must want something to eat..." the older boy went on. "Bacon?"  
  
"N-no. Thank you, but ... no."  
  
He shievered at the thought of Lucius' body so close to his. Why was it that he always felt so cold?  
  
"Are you sure you're alright?" Other Slytherin fifth years were gazing his way, some looking concerned, others merely inquisitive. Snape nodded. "You look really -"  
  
"I'm fine, Lucius." Snape answered at last, still not daring to look up around the table.  
  
**See... they're all staring at you... they know you're a queer... they think you're sick... 'cos of that stuff with *him*, remember? You liked it, they know it and they *HATE* you for it....**  
  
* * *  
  
Remus wondered if Snape was telling the truth. He looked no different.  
  
"Would you like me to help you with the potions?" Remus asked. "I could at least carry them around..."  
  
Snape obviously disagreed, but he didn't say anything. He remained silent and sullen, constantly preoccupied with something.  
  
"Severus?"  
  
"Lupin... I can do just as well as before, thank you. Now, then. I must leave... I have lessons to prepare." With that, the dark robed man got up and left the kitchen as quickly - or so it looked to Remus - as possible.  
  
*  
  
There you go. Hope you liked that! 


	3. Anthroarchaeology

Since you are all so enthusiastic.....  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 3: Anthroarchaeology  
  
  
  
  
  
Sirius had left before lunch - despite Harry's enthusiastic pleadings - to go back to Lira. Remus didn't doubt what he'd said earlier about her most likely reaction; knowing Lira, she'd come to Hogwarts herself and fly into a suitable rage.  
  
He had to envy Sirius: it hadn't been so long since he himelf had been in a relationship, but he was definitely beginning to miss the warmth and feeling that came with one. The werewolf didn't think he was desperate for one at present, though with the war coming up, perhaps he needed some gentle support.  
  
But perhaps it's better this way, he mused, I'd be out for most of the time and suffering from stresses the other half'd have no idea how to deal with.  
  
Remus was now in the same room as his best friend's Godson and his own friends - all except Ron - and sharing an interesting conversation on the topic of house elf slavery. Hermione was passionate about this issue and much to his surprise, so was Ron.  
  
Harry had revealed to Remus that Hermione had dug up some interesting information about Green slavery. Some of it she'd put in her leaflets and found herself surrounded by a good sized group, all clamouring for more information from this daring, intelligent young woman about something so disgusting as the slavery of house elves.  
  
"The worst thing is," she was saying, absently stroking Crookshanks, "that they are being taken for granted in such an appalling way. I mean, I know now how they came to be, how their natures have evolved from proud, civilised creatures to squeaking slaves... but the fact that the law doesn't even seem to acknowledge their existence is what angers me most." Hermione had now decided to follow her parents advice and wear her glasses. She'd also learnt how to manage her time a bit better, and was putting almost as much effort into her appearance as she did her studies. Hermione Granger was actually an almost classy, modern, female student.  
  
"If you managed to succeed in changing some of the concerned laws..." Remus put forward.  
  
"Then I could help start encouraging the concern for the well being of the house elves," she shot back immediately, smiling at him. "You know, it's good to have you back, Mr. Lupin..."  
  
"Thank you very much for that, Miss. Granger, and it's Remus now...."  
  
"Very well, *Remus*," she grinned. "It's also Hermione now."  
  
"Very well, Hermione..."  
  
"Oh, stop that now," Harry said, smiling. "We've got the message." He looked up from his books properly and then said, "Hey! Have you told him about your boycott?"  
  
"Oh yeah!" She exclaimed. "Goodness, how could I forget?" Hermione turned to Remus. "We're planning to cause severe disruptions in the Ministry of Magic on Friday, 13th June... who knows? We might get into the headlines!" She giggled. "But seriously, would you like to be part of one of the marches?"  
  
"I'd have to think about it..."  
  
"Of course, of course! I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Moony." Remus put on a shocked face and they all laughed.  
  
The laughter finally subsided. "Where's Ron?" Remus asked.  
  
"Probably sampling some of the imported cuisine," Hermione replied sardonically, a twinkle in her eye. She must have been referring to the French exchange students that had arrived two weeks ago. Harry was smirking in his books and Remus trying to keep a smile off his face: he knew about Harry's dark haired beau, Georgia, but not about Ron's own blonde conquests. "Not just with tomato ketchup, but with *barbecue* sauce as well!"  
  
Remus hadn't got the underlying message at first but Harry burst out laughing.  
  
He gave the boy a quizzical look, but Harry couldn't stop for a while. Finally, he said, "We had a certain Sebastien asking for a 'Rronaild'," complete with the accent. "We've had a Lucas, two Jean- Pierres and a Tomas. Not to mention the girls..."  
  
It was then that the werewolf understood Hermione's reference to different condiments, and he too started to laugh.  
  
She could be very funny when she wanted to: her rising popularity thanks to SPEW must have helped with the evolution of this newish Hermione Granger, Remus thought to himself. Well, well, well, he began to wonder what else had changed.  
  
* * *  
  
"Severus?"  
  
"Yes, ma?"  
  
He held out the lock of hair and continued to brush it, starting from near the end and gently working his way inwards. Opposite him, his older sister, Eleni, was plaiting the wavy, reddish blonde hair. She looked up at him quickly and smiled. Severus smiled back.  
  
"How many strokes have you done back there?"  
  
"Oh!" The eleven year old blushed. "I lost count."  
  
Tessa Snape laughed. "Wretched boy, you were day dreaming again. What was it about this time, darling?"  
  
"Nothing, ma."  
  
"Oh, now that's lovely: you're brushing your own mother's hair and you can't daydream about *anything* at all?" The two eldest of her children tried to hide their smiles at their mother's mock harsh tone. "You always seem so far away, Severus."  
  
"I'm not really."  
  
"Hmmm... how is school going, Eleni?" Severus began to concentrate on letting the hair fall straight, not to get mussed as he brushed the other sections.  
  
"Oh, it's alright, ma... getting on. I'm still getting top marks, so you needn't worry about that."  
  
"What about boys?"  
  
Eleni laughed. "Mother, you and Papa sent me to a girls boarding school for a reason!" Severus liked the way his sister laughed. She never seemed to take offence at anything and only got bossy when she was either every concerned or tired. Her laugh was like a friendly cackle and made Severus think of the time when she'd be like Ma, older, perhaps with children of her own.  
  
What about him?  
  
"You're not answering the question, my dear."  
  
"There are no boys for over a 500 acre radius from our school!"  
  
"Oh well... what about you, Severus?"  
  
Eleni scoffed. "He's too young for girls: at that age, they think they're all icky." Tessa laughed loudly, her strange violet eyes flashing. Severus simply began to pay more attention to his mother's luxurious hair than the conversation.  
  
"Is the rest of school going on alright?"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Made friends?"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Studying for the end of year exams?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Hard?"  
  
"Very hard, ma." He answered. "I'm putting all I've got into it."  
  
"Stop with the sarcasm, darling." Tessa yawned. Severus had finished brushing her hair and Eleni was almost done with plaiting it. "Dear me, I've been offered another part in...-Oh! Odds bobs! Hurry up, Eleni... Jona wants coddling." Eleni began to speed up her weaving of the hair, but trying to maintain the regular shape and pattern.  
  
No sooner had she finished then her mother flew from her seat and hurried towards the distant sound of six year old Jona.  
  
Sighing, Eleni sat down on the bed and cradled her head in her hands. "Oh Sev," she murmured. "It'll be five years since Papa died, next week." She looked so tired and so much older. It scared Severus slightly. "Ma will be fine, I think. It just..."  
  
"Jona doesn't recognise Da in the photos. He doesn't remember him at all." Severus said in a soft voice. "Except for his laugh and his songs."  
  
"Well, that's something."  
  
"I know but..."  
  
The two were silent, before Eleni spoke again. "Are you sure everything is alright at school?"  
  
"Yes. It's only my first year after all. I'm doing okay."  
  
There was a loud bang downstairs followed by the familiar sound of Jona's laughing and their mother's quiet scolding. "She's going to ruin that boy, you know, coddles 'im too much," Eleni said in a good impression of Grandmother Snape's voice. "Ruin 'im an' ruin 'im I say! Ruin 'im!"  
  
Severus laughed.  
  
* * *  
  
It wasn't just school work he was marking, Remus could see that, even from across the staff table. However, it wouldn't be wise to make a statement about it as both McGonagall and Sprout were in the staff room as well.  
  
Snape had been his usual glowering self: he had snarled at several students and whisked through Hogwarts with that black cloak of his billowing behind him.  
  
Now, the man was seated at the table, minding his own business and apparently marking some essays.  
  
He remembered something from their school days. In the running weeks until 'The Prank'. He remembered how tightly strung Snape had seemed, how vicious his insults had become whenever he merely laid eyes on one or more of the Marauders.  
  
But then again, so had Sirius'.  
  
The one that had received the most interesting reaction was when he accused Snape of being 'queer'. That had terrified the young Lupin as by that time, he had already identified his urges as indications of his sexuality. With that insult, it made Lupin's world shrink, even though it wasn't aimed at him. He thought that he couldn't talk to anyone lest they stopped being his friends. The person who it was aimed at, gave Sirius the most haunting look that both men could ever remember, although James had described what Snape had looked like when 'The Prank' had actually taken place. No, Snape's reaction was both disturbing and reassuring, or at least in one sense: Remus felt that a weight had been lifted from his shoulders then replaced with a lighter one, if someone else int he school was gay....  
  
But Snape hadn't snapped back, or given an insult or anything. All emotions seemed to drain from his face, from those black eyes. Even Sirius had found himself stuttering an apology but Snape had already vanished.  
  
Remus shook himself. Looking up around the staff room, he realised that Snape had left and two prefects had entered, both talking to McGonagall.  
  
Excusing himself, he picked up his book and walked out of the room.  
  
He wanted to get to his room, perhaps just for the quietness. He practically ran down swapping stairs and haunted corridors. In truth, he practically ran over Severus Snape.  
  
The man seemed furious, but his eyes showed nothing. It was amazing the emotions that radiated from him, but never seemed to show on his face or in his actions. He brushed himself off after picking up the discarded papers, with frenzie dhelp from Remus who was now babbling, an embarrasing contrast with Snape's emotionless demeanor.  
  
As he picked the papers up, he saw a few pictures. In much of his former life, he had maintained a living by sleight of hand. Using the useful skill, he swept a few up into his pockets in the pretense of putting them with other papers.  
  
"I'm so so*so* sorry...-" Remus started.  
  
Snape nodded quickly. "Yes, yes, yes... may I go now?"  
  
"O-of course," the werewolf stuttered.  
  
The head of Slytherin house nodded again and walked off in the opposite direction, leaving a slightly perturbed Remus behind.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
Oh dear, I'm losing my touch.... 


	4. Progressing

Errmmm... this is just to warn you that each of the flashbacks are not in chronological order. I think you would've guessed, but you always get the odd reader who has to make a comment on something.... not that I mind of course...  
  
Another thing you may want to know about my writing: rarely is it that I see the characters in the books as I portray them in the fanfiction, when in *relation* to each other. The thing is, so many fics seem to wander around in the same direction, that I tend to think, 'But what if *this* had actualy happened during whatever', or 'What underlying message could there be...?' I am also one of those people who despise stereotypes (I avoid reading Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, books by Philip Pullman etc in public, simply because *everyone* reads them) and hate to be thought of as a sheep. So there you go.  
  
Thank you very much for the reviews, they were wonderful.  
  
  
  
This chapter is starting with a flashback and there are two in this chapter... you have been warned....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 4: Progressing  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He was now very far away from Hogwarts. In fact, not just in terms of distance, but in culture and values as well.  
  
He was also very far away from the Death Eaters, from Voldemort. To be honest, from the whole of the wizarding world. Now, much to his surprise, he was actually feeling what could be remotely described as... peace. A sort of inner calm.  
  
Oxford, the city of learning, was his apparent destiny.  
  
Already, he could see from his seat, the tall spires of the city, the college buildings and ordinary houses and flats. It wasn't like Hogwarts at all, and for this, Severus was grateful. Despite being the nearest village to the school and thriving off the industry from the students, the villagers of Hogsmeade had the tendency to be rude and disdainful towards the pupils of Hogwarts. Here, in Oxford, it seemed everyone was part of the artistic scheme: The city *was* the University. They were one and the same thing.  
  
The Snape and Cohen Grandparents had paid for his first two months well in advance and Severus got the feeling that they'd actually paid for more, besides the flat he'd be sharing with two other students. He was grateful, but thought that they were missing the point if they paid for everything.  
  
As the train came to a steady halt, Severus joined the other passengers at the sliding door and they milled out quickly. According to Grandfather Cohen, he was to meet his cousin Dinah at the entrance to the station. You couldn't miss her, the old man said with a wry smile. She's dyed her hair that ridiculous shade of pink. You watch that you do no such thing, young man, or else I'll get my wand greased and then you'll be in for it.  
  
Eleni and Jona were lucky, Severus grumbled mentally. They would be staying within the protective clan circles whilst he would be trudging off to University.  
  
He heaved the bags up his shoulder.  
  
The bright light was a bit of a shock to his eyes as he stepped out of the station. He knew it was just after midday, but hadn't realised that it would be so bright. He wasn't in the mood for his sunglasses either: the last thing he wanted was for Dinah to see him as some continental twat.  
  
Severus was now feeling the beginnings of hunger twang at his stomach. Searching his wallet for loose, muggle change, he was relieved to find that he did have some and bought a bar of chocolate. He knew he'd throw it up later, anyway, but it made him feel a bit better for the moment at that was what counted. Besides, he may be too busy to puke it all up, what with meeting his flat mates and trying to get on with decorating the small apartment.  
  
He turned away from the stall, and began to search for his shock headed cousin.  
  
At that time, he tried to recollect vague memories of Dinah from their childhood. Severus remembered that she was the only daughter of Uncle Joshua Cohen and his wife, Milan. He remembered that she used to have a pet tortoise and ate squid tentacles raw.  
  
And that wasn't the tortoise he meant either.  
  
"Severus?" An American voice said behind him.  
  
"Dinah?" He grinned subconsciously, hurting the already weak facial muscles, as he turned round. "Is that you? You're supposed to have pink hair, damn you! How the hell did you expect me to recognise you?"  
  
She laughed: it was true, she had dyed her hair pink, but by now, it had almost vanished. Only the tips were a dark pink, now integrated with her dark brown hair. "I'm sorry... I never knew I was a wanted pink - head." They both laughed. "And how're you, cousin mine?"  
  
"Oh... I'm okay... you?"  
  
"Fine, fine... shall we get going then?"  
  
"After you."  
  
They set off for the streets of Oxford.  
  
*  
  
Lira exhaled in her usual, glamorous fashion, the shot glass rotating in her hand. "Damn it Remus, can't you think of anything?"  
  
"Nope," he replied. "And believe me, I've tried... if only for your sake."  
  
She sighed.  
  
"I just don't want him to leave me," she said, getting up, her dress blowing slightly in the wind and her purple hair waving to her right. "Not right now... not so soon after Azkaban...." She dragged. "I hate that man!" She burst out savagely. "I hate him! I hate him! I *hate* him! Damn him to hell!" Lira managed to remain calm enough to lay her shot glass down gently. "What would he know about relationships, if only for him to wreck 'em!"  
  
Mrs. Black was now ranting about Dumbledore.  
  
"Lira, this is for the good of all..." he said, but it sounded so stupid. Why couldn't he say something else to her? Lira was too sophisticated for the 'All for One and One for All' speech.  
  
"So it is... that's why someone like Lily had to die, isn't it?" She breathed out in wisps of blue smoke. "It was his own fucking school... if he's so smart, why wasn't he doing anything to prevent it from it's roots?" She scowled. "He's such a fucking hypocrite, I don't know what Sirius sees in him." Lira turned to Remus. "The same for you, now that I come to think of it..."  
  
"He's..." Remus stopped. He knew what Dumbledore had done. Everyone did. Dumbledore had boosted morale, brought fear into Voldemort's heart, he had helped fight the dark wizard. Lira knew that. How could she not?  
  
So why other repeating himself if it came to no effect?  
  
"Would you like some fruit cake?" She offered.  
  
"No thank you... I'm going to have to get to Hogwarts soon enough."  
  
"Oh, well... I *did* offer." The French cigarrette was extinguished. "Keep yourself safe as you go back there, okay?" Lira's brown eyes seemed to be full of concern. "And *eat*, goddamn you Remus. You know that transofrmation burns the fat of you in barrels. It's in four days, right?" He nodded. It was odd how young Lira's scolding made you feel, despite the fact that she was actually two years Sirius' junior. "Right, so eat all you can. Especially doughnuts."  
  
"I will, Lira."  
  
"*Good*. Just be sure you do."  
  
* * *  
  
Snape would be here in a matter of minutes. He would have Remus' first draught of the potion. The werewolf found the thought of eating food slightly nauseating,as he usually did so soon before the transformation. Rotating his shoulders and flexing his fingers, he leant back and closed his eyes.  
  
Before long, he was swept into the dark midsts of dream. Now, there was peace for him. Now, he could rest.  
  
The memories were returning... he was five again.... "... so very young... it shouldn't have happened...not to a dear boy like this..."  
  
Remus recognised those voices: they belonged to his mother's friends. One of whom, was Dr. Goluskoni, the future inventor of the Wolfsbane potion. He couldn't see them, but the voices had never been erased from his memory.  
  
"Oh, Lucinda, you poor woman.... how did it happen...?"  
  
"He was sleepwalking again..."  
  
"Good lord..."  
  
"Yes," there was the sound of distressed weeping. "Wandered off into the moor... you know, the bit nearest... found him shaking... thought he was having a ... but he had grown out of those by... oh... God.... Howard is so upset... hasn't spoken... wonder what..."  
  
And so it went on, half spoken sentences with long, breathy pauses between them.  
  
It had all happened before, he hadn't anything to worry about, so he slept on soundly until a huge crow descended upon him, crying out his name and stabbing him with it's long beak.  
  
"Sh-!" He exclaimed, leaping forward, almost knocking the goblet out of Snape's hands. He could see a blurred shape vanish suddenly within Snape's cloak and squeak as it did so. Snape didn't seem surprised at all. In fact, he took out a vial and topped up the goblet calmly. "Hang it all, I'm sorry, Severus..."  
  
"You were asleep. I doubt Rat meant to disturb you so."  
  
"Rat?"  
  
Snape looked up at him, what looked like the beginnings of a sneer on his face. He put his hand within his cloak and murmured a few words. A whiskered face poked out and wrinkled it's nose. "This is Rat. You gave him a bit of a fright. Needless to say, he probably gave you a bit of a fright as well. No matter. This is your potion, Lupin, as you must have foreseen." Rat was patting his way up Snape's arm and onto the man's shoulder, gazing at Remus and squeaking quietly from the safety of the crook of his owner's neck. Snape's face was unreadbale. "And please drink that directly, Lupin: there is an ingredient that should make it taste better, but it may go bitter if exposed to the colder air."  
  
"Thank you, Severus."  
  
"Accepted. You can't buy gratitude after all."  
  
"True." Was that a joke Snape had told?  
  
"I do mean it when I say that you should drink that directly."  
  
"I will."  
  
"And there's more." Snape added. Rat squeaked a bit louder before going silent all together. Remus smiled at him, but the Rat began to paw at it's face. Snape sighed and extended his arm to the table. Rat ran along it, landed on the table and continued to paw at himself for what seemed like five minutes before leaping onto his owner's forearm and scurrying to the hidden pocket he seemed to stay in. "Good bye, Lupin."  
  
"Thank you," Remus replied. To wherever Rat was, he added, "And I'm sorry I scared you, Rat."  
  
A muffled squeaking sounded, signalling Snape's leave.  
  
When the door closed, Remus grimaced and drank deeply from the goblet and was so surprised by the taste that he almost spat it out.  
  
Whatever Snape had put in it, it was working. Instead of the bitter gall that always left an acrid aftertaste in his mouth, the potion had a strange, sweet-bitter nutty taste to it. Encouraged, he drained the goblet further and found himself considering visiting the dungeons if only to get some more.  
  
Instead, he left the staff room, knowing that soon enough, the other teachers - stressed and tired from their lessons - would arrive here. A multicouloured, noisy mass.  
  
* * *  
  
4:30 in the Snape household.  
  
"Papa's home!"  
  
The two children scrambled from their beds into the hallway and almost at the same time, leapt into their father's waiting arms. He grinned and laughed at their faces: Eleni, the smiling nymph and Severus, the little emperor who never seemed to smile with his lips.  
  
"Look at them!" Tessa's voice was heard saying. "They're clambering all over you like the babarians that they are! Excuse me, move over, lady with a baby coming through!" She said, elbowing her two children off her husband, to plant a long kiss on his lips. Eleni made a face whcih in turn, caused Severus to laugh quietly. Jona giggled and stroked his father's hair. Samuel Snape laughed loudly.  
  
"Nothing new, I take it?" Samuel asked, an arm around his wife's slim waist. "No new scabs or similar grievous injuries? No loose teeth to repel and disgust me? Nothing?"  
  
"Severus ate a bug today," Eleni spoke up.  
  
"What, your Ma's baking already?"  
  
"Oh!" Tessa slapped him lightly on the shoulder. "I heard that!"  
  
"My, did I say that out loud?" Samuel grinned at his family.  
  
Tessa pouted. "I ought to have you shot, mister," she grinned flirtaciously at him. "You deserve to die, you wicked man. Stop encouraging the children, they're bad enough as it is." She turned to her children. "Get into the kitchen, you two. Get your father's food out of the oven and for goodness sake don't turn any knobs this time, Eleni."  
  
Scowling, Eleni dragged her younger brother with her into the kitchen. When she presumed they wouldn't be looking, she and Severus looked round the door quickly.  
  
"They're going to kiss again," Severus said quietly. Eleni hushed him.  
  
"No... something else is going to happen... Dad said he was going somewhere..."  
  
"He never told me."  
  
"He didn't tell me either, I only heard it this morning, when he was talking to Ma."  
  
"It's probably for that cough of his," Severus said slowly. "He might have gone to the doctor's... to get some medicine for it."  
  
Eleni was about to say that she didn't think it was just a normal cough, because she'd once seen her father spit blood after a very bad bout of coughing. She also knew that her mother spent a lot of time talking to Grandmothers Snape and Cohen. Eleni got a bad feeling that nothing was going as it should be.  
  
That was when she realised that Pa's food was burning.  
  
*  
  
Remus lay in his bed and exhaled slowly.  
  
Three more days to go and he'd eaten no doughnuts whatsoever.  
  
~  
  
Enjoyed, I hope... 


	5. Preparing

I have to warn you, I won't be writing any more for a longish period of time. That's why I uploaded two chapters at once, although I guess it's a poor substitute *blushes*. Very sorry, but I have that thing called 'life' in the way. Don't you find that thing, like, soooooo annoying?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 5: Preparing  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He knew, deep inside him, that Lira's advice had been wise and worth following. It was simply very hard to put into action.  
  
The thought of eating made him feel sick. He slept for longer in the morning's, had more siestas during the day which began to last longer and longer, and went to bed much, much earlier. He was also beginning to feel as if someone was drugging him, making him feel very sleepy and dull- witted. Remus couldn't imagine how he had managed to teach for a whole year like this: living lazily was hard enough but as a teacher who was constantly having to guard his condition?  
  
"I ought to respect myself a bit more," he grinned tiredly at his reflection. God, he was grey.  
  
He would now have to go and ask Snape for a potion to hlp him deal with this stupor; surely it wasn't as bad as the other pre-transformation days he had had in the past, but it certainly seemed so.  
  
Sighing, he went back to his bed and stayed there for a bit longer.  
  
It wasn't that he was tired as such at the moment, he merely wanted to lie there for a bit longer. He closed his eyes at various times, his mind relaxing for a while, before opening them and stayinghalf awake.  
  
At around 11 o'clock, there was a sharp rapping on the door. Remus was stuck between sitting up and remaining still. He chose the remaining still option, in the vague hope that whoever it was would eventualy give up and go away.  
  
Whoever it was that rapped on the door opened it anyway. "Good morning, Mr. Lupin. Are we well?" It was Dumbledore's voice.  
  
"Yes," he muttered. There was no choice for him but to reveal his face.  
  
"Ah," Dumbledore nodded. "The lethargy. Hmmmm... Severus will have several potions for that. It may be best that you ask him for one."  
  
"I was considering it..." Remus tried to smile, but a yawn got the better of him.  
  
Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled. The elderly wizard strode over to the windows and drew the curtains. Relatively bright, the grey light filtered through and illuminated the room and the werewolf's face. He rubbed his eyes. "Jesus," he muttered. "Is everyone else awake?"  
  
"Ah!" Albus gave a short laugh. "You must have forgotten that today is Saturday. The students do avoid waking up before midday during the week end, as you must remember also."  
  
Remus smiled to himself.  
  
"I have come to inform you of the meeting you missed last night. Sirius was away on a visit to Lira, as you would know, and you missed an opportunity to meet up with the old crowd once more. They were asking about you. Mrs. Figg in particular was especially concerned...-"  
  
"What about Severus?"  
  
"Severus?" Dumbledore repeated, a tad sharp. He gave Remus a pentrating gaze. "What of him?"  
  
"Was he there yesterday?"  
  
"Why..." Dumbledore replied. "Yes... yes he was... he received a warm enough welcome, I'd say, from the others. Of course, he was rather quiet, but what can you expect from him, apart from that, hm?" The wizard seemed a trifle amused.  
  
"Of course." Remus replied. "What else, indeed?"  
  
*  
  
What was it? eleven o'clock? No one had seen him go, had they? They wouldn't notice him sneak in.  
  
He shifted. Much to his disgust, the pervert's hands were latched tight onto his cock and backside. Avoiding much movement, he searched for anything that he could use to replace him when he moved away. A pillow would suffice for the rest of his body form. Severus turned his head and was nauseated by the fact that he was now facing Dumbledore's sleeping face, the white hairs moving in the breeze of his breath.  
  
He was thirteen. Well, he would be next week. He screwed up his eyes and began to chew nervously on his lower lip, suddenly conscious of the adcrid taste in his mouth. He wiped something that looked like a cremy substance from the corner of his mouth and blanched, shaking slightly.  
  
**I hate you.** he scowled at the sleeping Dumbledore. **I want to fucking kill you... I can't right now, but just you wait... I'm going to kill you...** Realising what was going through his head, Severus sighed wretchedly. **No... I don't hate him... I do.. but... he... he...**  
  
Dumbledore had *loved* him. But... it wasn't...  
  
**Right? Normal?**  
  
Severus shuffled his toes and found a wand further down beneath the sheets. What he could recall from last night wasn't nice. He didn't want to think about it anymore.  
  
Carefully manouvering himself to reach it, he gently moved himself from the Headmaster's grasp and slid the wand and the pillows in place.  
  
"Beautiful boy..." Dumbledore murmured, and began to stroke the wand.  
  
Where were his clothes?  
  
He went over the sheets to the end of the bed, gently got down and slipped what looked like his robes on. They were the only item of clothing he could find. Where were the others? He couldn't get anywhere unless...  
  
Severus gave the sleeping man a contemptuous look. He should just kill him. Hurt him. Cut off that wrinkled vulture's neck he called a cock.... amputate his toes...cut out his tongue... gouge out his eyes... put him under a web of spells, namely, Crutacius curses.  
  
Dumbledore shifted.  
  
Reacting like some wild animal, Severus felt his ears prick but didn't wait for anything else to happen. He sped out of the room.  
  
*  
  
"How long have you been having this lethargy?" Snape asked quietly.  
  
"Erm.... the day after I took the first draught." Was it just him, or did Snape seem to be avoiding Dumbledore's eyes? He tried to give Snape an encouraging smile. Snape didn't respond. He never did and yet it seemed so vital that Remus tried to brighten up Snape's ... life?  
  
"Well... The lethargy is a good thing: it's one of the fastest ways your body can prepare itself for your coming transformation. To deny yourself the sleep your body is crying out for..."  
  
"Unless it's such a problem, Remus?" Dumbledore quipped in.  
  
The werewolf noticed that Snape had the appearance of a sea anemone that was shrinking away to the touch of a hand. He was glowering at the floor.  
  
"Well... no... but with all the meetings..."  
  
"Severus can get you transcripts..." Dumbledore replied. That was odd, Remus thought.  
  
He never *asked* Snape if he wanted to, or if he could.  
  
Snape nodded.  
  
"I'd prefer to be there myself," Remus said, maybe a bit too loudly. "I was wondering if, perhaps, the strongest potion you could give ...?"  
  
"No. Too dangerous. Take this." Snape handed him a bottle. "There's not as much as it seems in that bottle. Be careful. Perhaps a drop in any drink you wish to take. That will do. Any more and I shall be held responsible." Remus' canine hearing heard what Dumbledore obviously hadn't: from underneath the desk, Rat was gnawing at a walnut.  
  
Dumbledore nodded. "Thank you Severus. Now, I must be off to pack for my journey to London. I am expecting to see McGonagall soon. If you see her, please remind her."  
  
He left.  
  
The minute he had, Remus crouched down and extended an arm to Rat, who squeaked as if to say, 'Oh, if you say so...' and leapt onto it.  
  
"He's very intelligent." Remus turned to Severus who had put out his hand to coddle Rat.  
  
"He's a rat. All rats are intelligent." Snape shrugged.  
  
"Oh? One could mistake them for gerbils if ...-"  
  
"They're nothing like gerbils," Snape replied in a voice that sounded laden with patience. It was new to Remus, who was slightly surprised by this new tone. Perhaps Snape had spent plenty of time in the past explaining about rats to other ignorant werewoves. "Their brain proportions are far bigger."  
  
"Hasn't Rat got a name?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
The werewolf was aware of the surprised look on his face."What is it?"  
  
"Rat."  
  
There was a silence. "No, I mean like... Peppercorn or... Humph'ry..."  
  
"He is a rat. His name is Rat. Peppercorn is a idiotic name. Why would I want to call a rat Humph'ry? That's a human name. Besides," Snape went on, "I think I know his real name, but it's hard to translate into English."  
  
"That's unlike anything I've ever heard. I don't know what to say."  
  
"Then don't say anything." Snape handed a glazed walnut to Rat who was perched onto his shoulder. "Here, Rat." Rat squeaked. "Careful, I'm going to go to the cupboard... daft Rat."  
  
"Why?" Remus enquired.  
  
"He always drops down and scampers off somewhere then expects me to get onto hands and knees searching for him." Snape stroked Rat's back gently. "Daft Rat."  
  
Rat continued to gnaw at his second walnut.  
  
"Do you want a light?" Remus volunteered.  
  
"No thank you. I don't smoke." Snape had already disappeared into the cupboard.  
  
*  
  
Tears were streaming down his face. He didn't dare slam his way into the common room. He couldn't face them all in there. So he just turned to the library. Which was stupid. Yesterday, he had caused a mirage to occur through the vapours of Black's potion and so everyone had seen the Gryffindor student as a red haired, blue eyed, buxom young woman.  
  
Black would want revenge. Well, it would only seem fitting.  
  
So therefore, he shouldn't see Snape cry.  
  
**so stop with the fucking waterworks**  
  
He entered the library and instantly headed for the Forbidden section. No one was watching anyway and even if they were, he wouldn't care. He pointed a wand at the lock of the doors and shoved his magic through, forcing the doors to open.  
  
"Ssssh, Sam... No more fights, I promise... golden boy won't come in here anyway." Snape smiled sardonically. Sam poked his head out and ran along Severus' arm onto his shoulder, just as all his descendants would as well, and squeaked from the fine vantage point. He sat in a corner, a very dusty corner. No one had wanted to come here in ages.  
  
It was freezing. Severus' fingers would have been numb if not for Sam. He continued to stroke the rat's short fur.  
  
"Oh, Sam." He whispered. "What should we do, now?"  
  
*  
  
"Hey," the boy said softly. It amazed Remus how very much like his father Harry looked, and even more so as he grew up. "You okay?"  
  
The werewolf nodded.  
  
"Sirius wants me to look out for you," Harry grinned. "You've got, what, three days until the Full moon? You're looking really awful, anyway," he added. "Get some sleep... I can bring you some stuff from the kitchens if you want..."  
  
"Thanks," Remus cleared his throat. Damn, he was hoarse. "Any hope of cammomile tea?"  
  
Harry nodded, the grin widening. "I'll try."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
@  
  
Thank you for reading *cusps hands over mouth and tries to imitate Arbie Shwarzenegger* I'll be back! 


	6. Transforming

Chapter 6: Transforming.  
The rain poured down so very heavily, that Remus was beginning to wonder why the windows and ceilings weren't caving in upon themselves. He looked at the lake, now a stormed up, deranged mass of grey, appearing more solid than liquid.  
  
He realised that he looked unnaturally tired but then, most of the students wouldn't notice. Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape all looked very strained and even Flitwick wasn't his usual red cheeked self.  
  
Tonight was the night. Remus didn't know what had possessed him to even be here.  
  
He wasn't just tired, he felt *cold*. His joints were stiff. He could tell that this transformation would be a particularly nasty one and he also knew, for certain now, that he'd never experienced one this bad, even when in his childhood.  
  
"How's Sirius?" McGonagall leaned to him.  
  
"I don't know," the werewolf admitted. "I haven't heard from him. He's probably recovering from a night with Lira."  
  
"She's a wonderful woman." McGonagall agreed.  
  
"They make a nice couple. It's quite funny how they avoid setting off each other's temper. I'm glad they're back together now, you can tell how much she's missed him, for her to take him back as readily as she did." He smiled absently.  
  
"Not a moments hesitation." The Transfiguration professor smiled wearily.  
  
Remus nodded. "Exactly."  
  
"Hmmm..." she paused, beady eyes still on him. "What about *you* Remus?" She asked quietly. "That's whats really important now. Dumbledore said you were going through a particularly nasty time with it."  
  
"Hah, it's not much... I'm still alive." As much as he wanted to try, he couldn't give his former teacher a reassuring grin.  
  
"I should hope so, too!" She replied, not smiling, but her eyes shining brightly.  
  
They returned to their breakfast for a while before Remus asked, "Have you noticed anything about Severus? He doesn't seem himself."  
  
"Whatever that is," she retorted.  
  
Remus nodded again.  
  
McGonagall sighed. "To tell the truth, yes. I couldn't help noticing how, well, nervous he seems? I know he is being put under a lot of pressure, but he has been before, even more intense now that I come to think of it, yet he seems so much more highly strung."  
  
"He flinches when you go near him." Remus added in an undertone, as Snape raised his head to exchange a few words with Flitwick. He was sure that the black eyes flitted towards him, for the briefest of moments.  
  
"Aye... he just... clams up." She shook her head. "But he's always been like that, really."  
  
"This time seems to be..." he trailed off. Snape was looking sidelong in their direction, his stare intense and seemingly curious.  
  
"I know what you mean. I'm used to him shooting daggers with those eyes of his, but now he doesn't bother with even that." She drained her tea cup. "He keeps quiet and marks those dratted papers or reads huge tomes that aren't in English: it's a ploy to make sure that he can't afford to talk to he rest of us, and so we don't dare even try to talk to him."  
  
"He's like that with everybody now?"  
  
"Yes," she gave a short laugh. "*Everybody*. But he seems to make an exception for Flitwick, as you can see."  
  
Of course. Remus could remember how they - as students - would feel a certain relief whenever they entered Flitwick's lessons. He was such a cheery, paternal character, in the more human way that Dumbledore wasn't, that you couldn't help feeling appreciated in his lessons, even if you failed miserably in everything. For someone like Snape, Flitwick must have provided the closest to a safe haven as someone like Snape could expect.  
  
*  
  
Lucius Malfoy *was* beautiful, there was no denying it.  
  
It wasn't because of his looks either, or his physique or anything like what everyone else fancied him for, though.  
  
It was just *him*.  
  
He was pure. That was the only way to describe it. He wasn't like any other boy in Hogwarts. That was why Severus found him so beautiful.  
  
It was so pathetic that someone like him - soiled goods, a worthless whore, a dirty little boy - could ever hope to be infatuated with a boy like Lucius and expect something in return, that every day, at the mere sight of him, Snape had to stop himself from running into the Forbidden Forest, never to be seen again. The embarrassment was so much and yet, he basked in Lucius' presence.  
  
Every moment he spent with him, he wanted to touch his face. Maybe kiss his cheek, but mainly to touch his hair and face.  
  
When they'd gone round to visit Grandfather Cohen, he, Eleni and Jona had also gone to a photo exhibition. The photos were basically pictures of real life situations, with the muggle artist being something of a peeping tom, but the showcase wasn't just interesting or controversial. It was inspiring.  
  
Severus sighed.  
  
He was beginning to turn into a deranged obssessive.  
  
But they *were* wonderful. He'd overheard some muggle students say the same and it had rung true: the beauty of it all wasn't in the physical contact or its ordinarity, but the fact that it was surreal realism. It was all from a third viewpoint, an onlooker that managed to remain distant but personal as well. It was real life, but who would have though it? The lovely blonde woman who stood at a window, shutters on her windows open, with a grey dressing robe on - open to reveal that she was naked beneath it - speaking on her telephone seemed to be some enigmatic elemental, casually contacting her faerie home, looking down on the mortal realm below.  
  
There was also the picture of the exhausted ballet dancers - three women, two men - sitting on a curb, in their rehearsal clothing, leaning on one another and two of them smoking. Then the photo of the two pregnant women in a cafe, one holding a bunch of flowers, her eyes remaining sad despite the friendly smile on her face.  
  
They were pure as well. All of them. They weren't dirty; didn't let anyone touch them in places they didn't like. Why couldn't he be just like them?  
  
It was all wrong now. *He* was all wrong now.  
  
He could never be clean.  
  
Never.  
  
*  
  
As always, it was dark. He could instinctively tell where he was along the tunnel. Slightly annoyed with himself, for not being able to see (wasn't it absurd?) he growled, "Lumos."  
  
The light seemed to play itself down, as if it knew what his mood was.  
  
A convulsion shook him, so he stopped and inhaled deeply. When the tremors had died down, he continued to make his way to the Shrieking Shack.  
  
Things continued in this trend for around half an hour. The mahagony door in front of him was a symbol of temprorary relief for him: This was one of the many things he looked forward to. It meant he was near the end. Closer than he had been before.  
  
He opened the door and stepped through it, his feet dragging behind him.  
  
The couch was in front of him. Of course, it couldn't take his weight.  
  
"Ah!" He gasped. The convulsion was much stronger. He felt as if his heart had stopped. As if he'd been electrocuted. Another came. Then two. They made him double over. He could feel himself twist and turn. He snarled., trying to gain control over his body.  
  
**Stupid!** He mentally reprimanded himself. **What the hell are you doing? Why are you trying to stop it? Have you learnt nothing? Are you still the little boy you were?**  
  
Visions came whirling in through his head: He could see a grinning, red faced Dumbledore, Crookshanks purring with a twitching Rat in his mouth; Snape lying on the floor, surrounded by black clothing, Flitwick holding a knife above the fallen form, bloody and savage.  
  
The fur was now beginning to creep up; His skin was burning, some bastard had set it on fire.  
  
It retreated when he clenched his teeth together and screwed his eyes tightly. It seemed to stop itself against its own urge. It hurt him. Why couldn't he just let it go? What was wrong with him?  
  
"The flaaaaaaaames...." he murmured.  
  
He collapsed.  
*  
"Shit!"  
  
How long had this been going on? Since his second year?  
  
"That bastard! He's... he's... ooooooh... and it's all my fault..."  
  
He was lucky he was in the showers. The soapy water and his tears mingled. No one would hear him wail. No one would see the blood. Yes, he was bleeding again. The scratches had seemed to widen. His scars had reopened.  
  
"Get it off..." he murmured. "Get it all off..."  
  
Snape scrubbed and scrubbed at his body until his skin throbbed and even his cuts had stopped bleeding. That was how severely he scrubbed. With a metal scour. And soap.  
  
He was so unclean. So dirty. It would never come off. Everyone would know. Hell, he swore that everyone *did* know.  
  
Especially that James and his gang.  
  
Between his legs, his chest, his neck and ears, everywhere where the bastard had touched him or kissed him or came upon him.  
  
"Ooooooooowww..... Owwwww..... off... off...OFF DAMMIT!"  
  
The water was beginning to turn pink. But only near him. He would scrub until the water was a dirty, grey-brown. Then he'd unplug the shower - bizarre, the plumbing here - and start on his hair.  
* * *  
TBC (sorry it took so long). 


	7. The Hermit

Thank you for the reviews. Thank you for your interest in this story. It's odd, FanFiction has now sorta become such a part of my life, I don't like to think of what will happen when it's all over. And it's *just* FanFiction!  
  
At least, that's what I try to tell myself.  
  
And for some strange reason, it never works...  
Chapter 7: The Hermit.  
"Remus?"  
  
That would be Sirius. The werewolf groaned. He wanted to sleep and if someone woke him up now, he never would.  
  
"Remus!"  
  
An urgent note sounded in Sirius' voice. Still, Remus didn't get up.  
  
"I know you're in there! Why the hell won't you let me in? You know I wouldn't be a problem and this- this is *urgent*." There was a pause before Sirius said in a quieter voice, "Urgent enough for me to wake you and get you out of that bed."  
  
"Really, Sirius. Leave me alone. *Go-a-way*."  
  
A sigh and then the man was gone.  
*  
For once, it seemed, the Snape Grandparents and the Cohens had agreed on something.  
  
"George has volunteered to pay for Jona's schooling," Grandmother Snape said, looking at her daughter-in-law over thick rimmed, half-moon spectacles. The hennaed blonde nodded numbly as she bounced a gurgling toddler on her lap. Through the corner of her eye, the old woman noticed the smaller figures, dressed in black, that flanked their mother. It was like something from the Victorian photos of her own mother, whom Eleni was named after. "My husband and I can home Eleni during her holidays, or indeed, whenever she pleases."  
  
"Thank you Grandmother." Eleni said.  
  
Mrs. Snape hadn't said anything yet. Severus seemed to be melting into her, as if supplying some support for the weary woman. Roxanna Snape, Grandmother to Severus Snape, narrowed her black eyes, attempting to gain something else from the younger woman's countenance that she hadn't before. It then struck her: Tessa would die as well, quite soon.  
  
The death of her husband would be too much for her.  
  
The mental loss of her children, even more so.  
  
Roxanna noticed her second son, George, smile at the youngest Snape's in the room. Severus' face remained as sober and solemn as always. Eleni's face showed no change. Truth be told, Roxanna was beginning to feel scared.  
  
**Oh, by the sweet name of Yahweh** she frowned slightly **Let me help them. Let them *live*.**  
  
"Severus can still remain at Hogwarts as was agreed from the first." That was Grandfather Cohen. Like Grandmother Snape, he was concerned for his daughter. Since the funeral, she had seemed to waste away even further. "The children will have every opportunity to mingle with the rest of the family as it was before. Nothing will change for the worst. Hopefully."  
  
"For that, we ask God's blessing," Grandmother Cohen croaked, light green eyes shining intensely. She was blind.  
  
"Thank you Grandparents," Severus and Eleni chorused.  
  
Tessa Snape remained silent, continually jiggling a still Jona on her lap.  
  
*  
"For the after-effects," Snape murmured into his ear, laying a sachet of white cloth at his hand. "Pour it all into any drink of yours. Whenever you finish one, ask for me. Wait." He paused and dropped two more onto the table. "There."  
  
He walked away, black cloak habitually swirling behind him.  
  
Fingering the satchets for a while, Remus took a breath and withdrew the folded picture he had taken from Snape what seemed like so many nights ago. He opened it.  
  
Not since that night had he had the opportunity to look at it. He had changed robes frequently since then - the following days meant that wearing the same clothes for longer than six hours ensured itching and a burning sensation - and found the photo whilst searching his pockets for a tissue. Now he was alone in the staff room.  
  
**And I'd prefer not to be in here at all**  
  
So he left for his own quarters.  
  
He didn't meet anyone of particular importance on his way: for some reason, he remained within the shadows as he made his journey through the corridors.  
  
Sirius was in his own room. Silently, Remus went into the opposite chamber.  
  
Suddenly out of breath, he sat back down on the bed and leaned back. The cool of his room was refreshing. The darkness reassuring. He felt safe.  
  
Sitting upright now, on the bed he unfolded the photo. Turning it onto the back, he saw the words 'Last family photo' in black ink. His curiosity now piqued, he turned it over to have a look at the picture itself. It would make sense as to see why Severus would still have this photo.  
  
The photo had been taken in a moderately well-lit room. There were Edwardian armchairs, with leather covered, cushioned seats and tables of gleaming oak. Paintings in elaborate wooden frames hung on the papered walls. In the centre of the picture, were five figures: two adults, two children and a baby in his mother's arms.  
  
Remus took the solemn looking boy to be Severus: there was little resemblance to him as a young boy to how he would have been when he'd enter Hogwarts, much to the werewolf's surprise. In the photo, despite the fact that there was not hint of a smile on his face, his black eyes seemed alight with humour. Next to him, was a slim girl whose skin tone was a bit darker than her brother's stood, beaming cheekily. They did, however, share the same nose and chin. These particular features couldn't quite be identified on the baby, being as round and cuddly as those at that age usually were. It was blonde - unlike it's older siblings - with large, blue eyes.  
  
Behind the two children - who were sitting cross legged on the floor - were their parents: a willowy woman with strawberry blonde hair with the baby in her arms, smiling slightly, her chair next to her husband of whom his children were vague echoes of.  
  
His hair was dark - almost black - and his eyes friendly, full of good character. Like his eldest daughter, he had a darker skin tone than his wife's and a stronger build. Apart from the nose, Remus thought that Snape took after his mother to a greater extent.  
  
How old could Severus have been here? He looked around six.  
  
"Last family photo," he murmured to himself.  
  
**And I don't recall anyone even mentioning an older Mr. Snape** he added mentally.  
  
Remus considered the option of perhaps joining Severus at meal times and in the staff room on occasion, if only to get a greater clue about his family. He also got the feeling that it wouldn't hurt to try and develop a kinship of sorts with the man: no one likes to be truly alone, particularly in times like these.  
  
As much as the werewolf hated to admit it, he was naturally curious, especially when there was the matter of someone's history. This was no exception.  
  
Glancing at the clock on his wall, he saw that it was time to dine in the Great Hall.  
  
"Funny how time seems to speed up when you're doing absolutely nothing," he said to no one.  
*  
  
Enjoyed? Sorry the chapter is so short. Took me ages to write, as well... 


	8. Dreaming

My aplogies for the past few chapters being so short. Do not worry, however, the following chapters will be so long, I shall have to split them into bits.  
  
lol  
  
Okay... maybe not *that* long, but long-er, see?  
  
Oh yeah! Disclaimer time: I don't own these characters, JKR does! So don't sue me! Or I shall bite you! Bewaaaaaaaaare... I can smell your brains...  
Chapter 8: Severus.  
He was early. Despite being five minutes late, no-one else was present. Only a few teachers were present; no doubt the others would arrive soon from their classes.  
  
Flitwick, however was, so - with a mental shake of the head - Remus went over to sit by him.  
  
They began to strike up a conversation on the subject of Geography, much to Remus' inly surprise: perhaps with his parental nature and short stature, one could forget that Flitwick (like most other Hogwarts teachers) was a well-read, learned man.  
  
Snape was one of the last people to enter the Great Hall, that evening. Dumbledore had given him a searching look, which Snape hadn't responded too.  
  
He did, however, notice Remus sitting next to Flitwick and scowled for a moment.  
  
"Ah, Severus!" Flitwick called in a quiet tone. "Why don't you join us in our discussion... we were talking about the movement of the Earth's surface and how it affects the Magical boundaries... something you are very knowledgeable about, yes?" Turning to the werewolf, he went on, "we were having a discussion, Severus and I, only yesterday."  
  
Remus nodded, eyes following Snape as he sat on the other side of Flitwick, carefully avoiding - or so it seemed to Remus - both pairs of eyes.  
  
*  
  
Gods, the last thing he wanted was for Flitwick to find out.  
  
"Severus?" The short man came over in small steps to the Slytherin student. "Severus? Are you sure you're feeling alright?"  
  
A nod.  
  
It was the tenth pillow he'd exploded whilst trying out the new charm that Flitwick was trying to teach his Slytherin fourth years. Lucuis simply gave his companion a half encouraging, half amused smile. So long as Lucius didn't think ill of him, then everything would be fine. Just fine.  
  
Then Flitwick had come along.  
  
"Don't put so much emoton into it, Severus..." The wizened dwarf said quietly. "Just... imagine it sending itself to that box, and it'll think it was it's own idea... just chanel than image through your wand and when you say the words..." Flitwicks kind voice was helping immensely. "It'll simply tell it that *now* is the time for it to do just that, yes?"  
  
Snape tried.  
  
The pillow exploded.  
  
"Again," the teacher nodded firmly. Snape sighed.  
  
He tried.  
  
The pillow exploded.  
  
He kept on pushing, for some strange reason, until on the thirty-fifth pillow altogether, he managed to make it fly directly on top of the class' neat stack.  
  
Flitwick beamed. "There! Knew you could do it!"  
  
*  
  
Quite amazed, Remus nodded.  
  
He had never heard Snape say anything so long without any sneers or sarcastic remarks. So the old Charms teacher was right all along: Snape *did* know quite a bit on this subject.  
  
"It's a pity they don't teach it at school," Remus remarked. Flitwick nodded vehemntly; Snape only took a sip of his juice. "Such things could be useful when it comes to the Theory... It's a shame that such things are missed out."  
  
"Well, after Grindlewald," Snape drawled, "the subject of Magical boundaries could always be thwarted by such 'Dark' wizards."  
  
"Ridiculous, really," Flitwick added. "Anything can be thwarted by the right person... or wrong person in that case. But it does raise an issue over what we teach our young... besids, any that really wish to study it, will, in my opinion. They will find out how to dig out such information and where to dig it from."  
  
Snape shrugged.  
  
"Another way of keeping the knowledgeable select," the man said, now sarcastic. Remus smiled slightly as he watched the Potions Master place a forkful of food into his mouth. A sudden glance at him - with a raised eybrow - and Remus shook his head slightly. Snape chewed slowly, before swallowing and saying, "I never knew you were so interested in the Boundaries, Lupin."  
  
"Oh well... one of my hidden talents, I suppose," he grinned wearily.  
  
Snape gave him a look. Or rather, not a look, as his face remained carefully blank, but watchful. "Ah, yes.. of course, how could I not have known."  
  
He continued to eat. Professor Sinistra, on his other side, began to talk in earnest with him.  
  
"You know," Flitwick went on, chewing heartily, "it wouldn't hurt if you and Severus could perhaps enlighten one another with each of your particular areas of expertise in the subject of Maegick."  
  
Remus raised both eyebrows. "Oh?"  
  
"Yes indeed... you are both quite different, in your ways... it would help you both immensely, I think, if you were to converse with one another. You are both intellectuals in fields of study rarely stumbled upon. But that is my personal opinion..." A drink from his goblet, before he went on, "and Severus happens to be the owner of an extensive book, covering most of the concerned, rarely metioned topics... well worth reading. Huge, though, I must warn you." He chuckled.  
  
Flitwick continued eating, somehow managing (much like Dumbledore did) not to get food stuck in his beard. As he did so, Remus continued to look at Snape,as the man spoke in his quiet tenor to Sinistra.  
  
With Sirius not readily available, Remus thought it was an interesting proposal.  
  
And it would give him the chance to hand the photo over.  
  
He continued to eat, thoughtfully.  
  
* * *  
  
--Black hair drifted across his face, his neck and upper torso; skilled fingers probed and stroked his skin. He felt his back arch. He felt his mouth open. He heard the sounds issuing from it, without truly realising it was he who was making the noise. The tongue of his unknown partner traced his nipples, the finely etched contours of his abdomen muscle, visible on the surface. It wound it's way in circles down his body, finally stopping at... he screamed as teeth gently closed their way around it and a quick tongue stroked and teased it. Any moment now, he was dimly aware of the thought running through his head. It will all come out any moment now...--  
  
He gasped and sat up in his bed, the sheets twisted round his form, breath heavy, air filled with the scent of his own sweat.  
  
"Oh..." He put his forehead in one hand, noting his erection.  
  
**Damn**  
  
It was still relatively early in the night, considering; he had only been asleep for three hours. He groaned to himself as he realised that despite the fact his erection was going down, semen was on the sheets.  
  
Wrenching the lowest layer away from the others, he dumped it near the door, acutely aware of the fact that he must have taken off his bedclothes in his sleep. Swearing - for it was cold - he went back to the bed and tried to make himself comfortable beneath the remaining sheets.  
  
...  
  
--A long, pale hand, spread lazily across his chest. Shifting slightly, Remus turned and looked down to see someone - face covered with their long, black hair - lying on him, sprawled across one side. Ever so tenderly, he lifted a few of the strands... just for a glimpse of his night lover's face...--  
  
Light.  
  
"You're not escaping me now, Moony," a familiar voice said. "*Up*... you're coming with me to stay with Lira's 'rents, remember?"  
  
"Damn you, Padfoot!" He rubbed his eyes and turned to one side. "Damn you to hell!"  
  
Sirius laughed.  
  
"Can't be that bad..."  
  
"S'not... s'thousand times worse... Alright!" He snapped. "Alright! I'm coming... I'm coming.. just give me a sec..."  
*~*  
  
Enjoyed? Damn it, review! Only, don't think I ain't grateful.... I just need to know if there is anyone else reading this... ermmm.... yeah... and to boost my ego, of course ; ) 


	9. The Ninth

Hmmmmmm........... Tried something else instead of Wordpad. £20 that it will make no difference (joking. About the £20 anyway). The story of my life. lol.  
  
*  
  
Chapter 9  
  
*  
  
It would be folly to say that Remus was abandoned by his family, though, after his parents died (his father of colon cancer and his mother of flu) one could say that it was partly true. The rest of his family hadn't bothered to contact him regularly, and the only reason his Grandmother still sent him a Cristmas card was because she hadn't had word of his funeral yet.  
  
Lira's family were different to say the least.  
  
Only one Grandmother remained, her own mother's mother, but both her parents were still alive and healthy. They knew that Sirius was a wizard and had accepted him readily - despite them being muggles. Luckily for Remus, they also accepted him too, though he doubted any of them knew he was gay.  
  
Lira had five other siblings, one older than her, the remaining four, younger. Perhaps as she was the oldest girl, it always seemed to Remus that she acted more like the eldest than Thomas, her senior brother.  
  
He stepped inside, having received the usual warm welcome from Mrs. Pelinski and breathed in the scent of fresh, homemade bread appreciatively.  
  
"Ah! Sillus's fleend Lemuse!" Mr. Pelinski called, hobbling over as quickly as possible to greet his favourite son-in-law's best friend. "So good to see you again, no? Come in, come in... Lila is still awaiting you... We are all still awaiting you!" Leading the old man, Remus walked towards the front room. When he entered, he saw Sirius give him an exasperated look.  
  
"You could've gone to the library any other time," He muttered. "You did come with *us* after all."  
  
Remus shrugged.  
  
Thomas grinned at him, his wife busy with their jammy Samuel. Then, there was Georgette and her husband Eric - a stockbroker and comic strip artist - Ruth and her fiancee, Otto - Archaeologist - Patrick and the youngest, a young woman called May. She had just finished at Cambridge University.  
  
"Good to see you again, Remus," she said softly, eyes dull behind her glasses. This surprised the werewolf because she was usually the brightest of the lot.  
  
Lira looked at him sympathetically.  
  
"You okay?" He asked, sitting down by her.  
  
She nodded. "Flu bug. I feel *really* ill, but our parents don't want me to miss out today, so they forced me to come." She grinend tiredly then yawned. "Still, Mama's soup may be worth it. You know she does the best Minestrone and chicken and mushroom in the world."  
  
"She does the *only* minestrone, chicken and mushroom soup in the world," Thomas muttered.  
  
May stuck her tongue out at him.  
  
"Leave me alone! I'm ill!"  
  
"I'm sure I've seen that mineswhatsis, chicken and toadstool stuff, *somewhere*," Patrick lay back in his chair. "Up for a game of chess, Remus? I swear, I'm gonna beat you this time..."  
  
Chuckling, Remus turned round and started putting out the pieces.  
  
After the lunch - which was eaten in the front room, overlooking the leafless bushes of red twig - the family and Remus sat back and swapped occasional sentences of gossip. Sirius and Lira remained unusually quiet, occasionally giving each other small glances.  
  
"Now, now!" Mrs Pelinski grinned broadly. "Vhy are our two little ducks so- so quiet?"  
  
"Hm?" Sirius looked up, then smiled. "What?"  
  
"You are both being extraordinarily quiet," Eric drawled, eyes flashing mercilessly. "Is there something we ought to know?"  
  
"Well..." Lira started. She and Sirius exchanged coy smiles.  
  
"Go ond..." May said, grinning.  
  
"Ermmm..." Lira was blushing now. "Well..."  
  
"Well?" Remus and Patrick chorused.  
  
Lira took a deep breath. "I'm two months pregnant," she said in a rush. When she finished, she looked up slightly, trying to hide her small smile.  
  
"Oh... Lira..." Already, Ruth was sniffing. "Th-that's..." She got out a handkerchief.  
  
"My deallest!" Mrs. Pelinski got up and went over to embrace her oldest daughter. "Zat is tllooley vunderful, *vunderful* news! Oh! And you too Sillus! Zis is so... so...ah! No need to blush or be shy!" She shooed at the couple. "Now, now... vot shall ve..."  
  
Remus couldn't help laughing. This was typical Pelinski household mode. Already, they were discussing the future names for their grandchild.  
  
"Now, Remus!" Thomas grinned. "Don't patronise!"  
  
Samuel gurgled and his mother - Lousie - sighed and whipped out another wet j-cloth. "You wretched child!" She muttered, as Samuel tried to grab for her cheeks. "Honestly! The minute you start walking, it's off to America with you!"  
  
"Need help?" Remus enquired.  
  
"Oh, would you? This one has got to be the most messy child I have ever dealt with..." she handed her first-born son over to the werewolf and smiled wearily. Remus began to bounce him slightly.  
  
Ruth, meanwhile, was still wiping tears from her eyes, as was Mrs. Pelinski and May. Even without their weeping, the room was noisy enough, with Lira's family calling out suggestions for the child's name as well as your average Pelinski exclamations.  
  
*  
  
Dear Severus, (it read)  
  
I know we haven't been in touch for some time, but I wanted to know what had happened to you. I'm sure I wrote plenty of times before, but you've never answered - (this was partly true) - and I am concerned for you. You are my little brother, after all.  
  
Jona's doing really well at school. He got into the University of London for Talented Warlocks. Maybe you read about it in the papers -  
  
Severus sneered. Oh, who couldn't have read about the famous Jona Snape? Youngest academic of the University in five hundred years? Jona'd be surrounded by halls of marble and antique tomes of magic. Nothing like the dingy apartment his elder brother had been landed with and this was after his success at Oxford and all. The worst about it was that he had mainly brought it upon himself. At that moment, Severus realised that it would be foolish to get jealous of a younger sibling, so returned to keeping his face blank as he continued to read the letter.  
  
- Simon had really grown. Well, of course, when they're that age, they all do. He actually reminds me quite a bit of our father. Perhaps I should send you a photo for you to make your own judgement.  
  
Paul was wondering if you could give him some information on Mervyn Peake, you being the admirer and scholar of him that you are. It's the literature that Paul is trying to lecture his students on. I, however, only ask that you take care of yourself and try not to get too annoyed with me for writing this letter.  
  
Please write back. It's been eighteen months now.  
  
Eleni.  
  
Severus didn't move for a few moments after reading the letter. If it was possible, then tears would be filming his eyes. But they weren't. Instead, as calmly as possible, he tore the letter to shreds and thre them in the empty fire grate.  
  
How dare she mention their father to him. Why the hell did she even write the letter? He had never asked her to. He had replied quite specifically to her all those months ago, that he did not wish to communicate with her or her family ever again. As far as he knew, it was probably Grandfather Cohen who had given her his contact.  
  
"Damn them all." He muttered. It felt like it had just as long since he'd spoken. It probably was. Here, no one dared come to him. Not even the Death Eaters. He was far away from everyone. His lecturers, his friends from University, the Death Eaters... just about everyone could not gain much of an access to him.  
  
It was cold. The aforesaid grate was empty, the shiny coal black and unburnt, old ash and dust having settled upon them.  
  
The mantlepieces were just as dusty, as were the jars and bottles that lined them. The bookcases, the desks everything was covered in a thin layer of dust.  
  
It was also dark. And grey and unwelcoming. Severus fumbled for a cigarette before realising that there were none left.  
  
He swore. Just not out loud.  
  
Then, a small rat scurried along to his foot, a long cigarette between it's jaws.  
  
*  
  
"So... that was your big surprise?" Remus looked at his best friend, amused.  
  
Sirius shrugged. "Yeah.... don't you think it's wonderful?"  
  
Remus nodded. "It's fantastic. I just hope that it'll go okay this time," he added softly. "I'm sure it will... "  
  
Sirius nodded and hugged himself, shivering in the breeze. "I don't want another miscarriage."  
  
"There won't be."  
  
"That's what I keep on telling myself." Sirius nodded again, almost absently. "I don't want to see her hurt ever again Remus. It was my fault, Azkaban was, and I know that... I'm not so disillusioned... but... I wasn't there the first time... I could've been there to support her. But I wasn't." He bowed his head. "I'll never be able to live with myself... not the same way... I love her, Remus. I mean, I know it sounds corny, but she's the best thing that's ever happened to me... I truly do love her. She's fantastic. Been helping me get my strength back and everything...."  
  
"Hey," Remus said gently, laying a hand on his friends shoulder. "She's forgiven you... I know you probably will never forgive yourself, but, her and her family have forgiven you. And she loves you just as much." He sighed. "Trust me, Sirirus, you will have this baby."  
  
Sirius wiped something from his cheeks. Tears? Remus couldn't see.  
  
*  
  
"Hey."  
  
Severus looked up. It was Roger. Mildly amused, he said, "what now?"  
  
"You should be doing the literature, not me," Roger laid a kiss on Severus' cheek. "Gothic literature. Characteristics... themes... the usual." He laid another kiss on Severu's neck. "Please?" He whispered. A wicked tongue ran around in small circles.  
  
"Mmmm... alright then..."  
  
"Thank you," Roger grinned, feigning subservience.  
  
They were silent for a while. Severus felt Roger's arms wrap around his waist. "Now what?"  
  
"On the surface, you pretend to be annoyed with me, but deep down, I know you really hate me," his lover quipped.  
  
"Oh, shut up."  
  
"Marcia and David are beginning to worry." Roger said. "They have no idea why you're spending so much time alone. Tina thinks it was something to do with last night, but then she realised you've always been a social recluse."  
  
Severus stiffened.  
  
"I was joking, my dear."  
  
"Please don't."  
  
Roger swallowed a sigh. "I'm sorry. Really, I am. Next time I let my impertinent tongue get carried away, remind me to tie it into double knots."  
  
"I'm not angry," was the hasty reply. "And I simply appreciate solitude." There was a pause. "But thank them for their concern."  
  
*  
  
TBC... 


	10. Meeting

Ermmmm... I'm very sorry that the pace is quite slow. Having said that, some of you have mentioned that I've got it at the right pace as well. If you think it is rather slow, I'm really sorry. I will try to pick things up a little more, but for those of you that think the pace is fine, don't worry! It won't be too big a drastic change!  
  
Oh yeah! To Kouryou Sanomi, it was part of the dream! So no, you are *not* going mad (which is a shame because it just leaves me all alone... mad and lonely... insane and abandoned...)  
  
*  
  
Chapter 10: Meeting  
  
*  
  
If Remus had hoped for a rest on his return to Hogwarts, he couldn't have been proved more wrong.  
  
Dumbledore had called the Order to his office. Remus, Sirius and Lira - who had been granted witchsight to be able to live in Hogwarts - went together as an answer to the Headmaster's summonings.  
  
"I wonder what it could be about, now?" Lira murmured to Sirius. "Have the Links been produced?"  
  
"It must be something like that," Sirius replied. "It sounded urgent."  
  
Remus yawned. "So long as he doesn't start asking us to arrange them immediately, then I don't have so much of a problem with it."  
  
Lira shook her head and clucked her tongue. When they were just outside the office doors, she suddenly said, "Do I get to meet the infamous Severus Snape, tonight?" A wide grin was on her face. Sirius hadn't really told her much about him, but Remus knew that what he had told her was contributing to her sudden eagerness to attend the gathering.  
  
"I don't know," Sirius shrugged. "He's only ever attended once before."  
  
She began to pout.  
  
"But who knows? He may not want to disappoint you," Remus added quietly, a sardonic twist to his words.  
  
"Be quiet. It would be nice to see Minerva again," she said and with that, the conversation was finished.  
  
They entered the office.  
  
Arabella Figg, Minerva McGongall, Professor Flitwick, Mundungus Fletcher - to name a few - were present and all looked towards the door as Sirius, Remus and Lira entered. Much to his surprise, Remus saw Snape seated in one of the chairs nearest the door.  
  
Remus did his best to smile at the company and took a seat. He was shortly followed by Lira and Sirius.  
  
"Good!" Dumbledore clapped his hands together. "It is a pity that Alastor is missing from our company, but, nevertheless, this meeting will continue." He took a seat and waited for the others to shift into position and shuffle their robes. "As you know, we decided that the best and safer way to retrieve information on the Death Eaters and their whereabouts was to place Links in their places of meeting and correspondance.  
  
"With some help, we have developed these Links that will be placed in each of the chosen locations. The basic structure of them has been completed: those of you that could help, have helped to strengthen and hone these Link- gems to teir utmost capability.  
  
"What needs to be discussed are the battle tactics and what we should do if any of us finds ourselves in a tight corner." Dumbledore gazed evenly at everyone with calm blue eyes. Remus felt himself glance in Snape's direction: the man had his arms crossed, leaning back almost lazily in his chair and black eyes glaring at the floor. When Dumbledore continued speaking, Remus snapped back to attention. "It has been agreed that each of us should have a certain type of portkey that can be activated either to bring more help or divert it. Perhaps on a chain to be worn around the neck, for example.  
  
"Whilst we remain on this topic, are there any other questions to be asked?"  
  
The group shook their heads and shifted again. Dumbledore nodded.  
  
"Well then. There is really the issue of the Ministry of Magic to take into account. Arthur Weasley has agreed to speak to some trustworthy colleagues of his at his workplace--" This was met with general murmurs and nods of approval. Mr. Weasley was well-trusted. "--who would willingly contribute to our cause."  
  
"What of Fudge?" Mrs. Figg piped up. "Without his backing... I mean, should he find out that Arthur is working for you, why, Arthur could lose his job..."  
  
A louder murmur of agreement arose.  
  
"I'm sure Dumbledore has taken that aboard," Snape said quietly in his low voice, earning complete silence very quickly. "Surely, you can't expect him to do anything less? He must have examined all possible outcomes and influences."  
  
There was a silence.  
  
Looking at Lira, Remus saw that she was staring at Snape, whose face - from where she was sitting - was half covered by his shoulder-length hair. Her mouth was slightly open, eyes lit with a subdued surprise.  
  
"Should Fudge find out, I assure you, if he sacks any of our said contacts in the Ministry, they shall be fully reimbursed and given pay and pension schemes for their service." Dumbledore said.  
  
"Thank you," Mrs. Figg nodded.  
  
"When can we expect the Links to be connected?" Fletcher asked.  
  
"The first Link will be placed in Location A, two days from now. Each Links will be placed in the chosen locations at least 12 hours after the other, to lessen the risk of exposure to unwanted attentions." Dumbledore informed them. "Because they will all be anchored, they can only be truly active when each Link has been put and are connected."  
  
"So concealing spells and glamouries...." McGonagall trailed off.  
  
"Are a must and have already been woven into the basic structure spells of each Linkgem," Dumbledore concluded.  
  
A thoughtful silence came up. "Drinks, anybody?" Flitwick squeaked.  
  
*  
  
"Of course, I know you wish to contribute to our side," Dumbledore was saying.  
  
**Oh, shut up**  
  
"I understand that you might be feeling as if it is a debt in need of repaying, but, Severus, it isn't. You are here of your own free will--"  
  
**Free will?**  
  
Severus gritted his teeth and tried to let his mind wander as Dumbledore continued to talk. All he wanted was for the man to say, "Fine, yes, alright then," and leave him alone. He hadn't asked for this lecture. He hadn't--  
  
"Severus?" A warm hand lay on his left shoulder. Instantly, Severus tensed. What now?  
  
"What?" He scowled, violently shaking his future employer off.  
  
Dumbledore's blue eyes were penseive, but slightly colder. "It's about...ah, *that*, isn't it?... I was hoping you'd be able to forget..."  
  
"No." He said shortly. "Who do you think I am, St. Francis? No," he sneered, "just give me the job, let me offer to you my skills as a potions maker and Dark Arts intelligence and that will do just fine."  
  
Both men were silent.  
  
"Very well, Severus. Joly, the house elf in charge of your rooms, will lead you to your rooms."  
  
An anxious, eager-to-please looking elf came forward, smiling nervously, eyes meeting Severus' gaze squarely, if not apprehensively. He had to stifle a glare. At least with the Malfoy's, the house-elves actually knew their *place*...  
  
"I look forward to seeing you tomorrow morning at break--"  
  
Dumbledore stopped. House-elf and man had already exited the room.  
  
*  
  
"Snape!"  
  
Remus shook his head: he had no idea that Sirius could be so brave and yet so stupid. Then he remembered their sixth year and grimly set his teeth.  
  
Snape stopped and turned, eyebrow raised. "Yes, Black?" He enquired tersely.  
  
All three of them rushed to get to the man who was still giving them the enquiring variety of glare.  
  
"I doubt you've met my wife, Lira..."  
  
"You're right; I haven't."  
  
Lira extended a hand. She and Snape met each other's gaze and - to both Remus and Sirius' surprise - he shook it. "Pleased to meet you," he said in his monotone. She gave a small, polite smile. Trust Lira to know how to deal with him, Remus smiled to himself.  
  
"Lira, may I present Professor Severus Snape?" Sirius said, rather chivalrously.  
  
Snape scowled at him.  
  
"He's the Potions Master at this school," Sirius went on. "And Head of Slytherin House. Er... Severus? Lira is a private tutor to those that can afford it. She's a Biologist and Physicist, usually. Occasionally takes up acting." He smiled wider when Lira nudged him.  
  
Snape paused for a moment, before finally decideing to grace them with a, "I'm honoured."  
  
"The honour is all mine." Lira smiled graciously. Was that amusement sparkling in Snape's eyes?  
  
"Hm. How do you find Hogwarts? Suitably fascinating?" Snape's lips had a wry curve to them.  
  
"Oh yes. It's not often that one sees staircases get bored of their positions and swap round," she raised an eyebrow in reply, in tune with the sarcastic note in her voice. Remus had very rarely heard it used before. "At least in 'muggle' homes, they know their place."  
  
"I don't doubt that." Snape coughed. "Now, if you'll excuse me...?" He turned and continued to walk down the corridor.  
  
"How did you--?" Sirius started, amazed. "You just--- you just *talked* to him!"  
  
"Hush, codfish," she laid an index finger on her husband's lips. "To bed. Come along now Remus."  
  
Suppressing a chuckle, Remus followed them.  
  
* * *  
  
TBC... 


	11. Viewpoints

I'm glad you're all liking this story. This chapter is shite and it took me damn ages to write (I know that rhymes, be quiet.) The next chapter is the turning point. This one bored me. It will bore you too. Anyway, as this is the 'decisive' chapter, to set the scene for the next one, I urge you to really use your grey matter here... there are lots and lots of fragmented memories, shots of pessimism and depression, everything. Every -, or * or @ or # etc is there for a reason. Please take note of them.  
  
Sorry I sound so catty. I am just very tired and grrrrrrrrrrr.... never mind...  
  
~ symbolises a change of time, not point of view. And there are no flashbacks here. Just switches from POV to POV  
  
Chapter 11: Viewpoints  
  
*  
  
Remus:  
  
One more day to go.  
  
One more day and then the first Link would be settled. One more day until that decisive moment when the first Linkbearer will return to the comparitive saftey of Hogwarts.  
  
Remus was sitting in the library with Harry, Ron, Sirius, Lira and Hermione. At the beginning of the year, Harry had been informed of the fact that Sirius was actually married, from before his twelve year span in Azkaban. Today was his first proper meeting with his Godfather's wife. Remus still souldn't tell what either of them thought of the other, but he noticed that both acted far more reserved around each other, and extraordinarily polite.  
  
He wondered Harry's further reaction when he would discover that Lira was pregnant.  
  
None of the others were in the right desposition to bother conversing. Each felt weighted as if by heavy lead. They were all feeling as though they were walking a tightrope.  
  
What really cause Remus to feel slightly uneasy, though, was the feeling of cold expectance that filled the castle. It was as if everything and everyone within the grounds of Hogwarts knew how important the fateful day of tomorrow would be.  
  
It wasn't helping in the slightest.  
  
~  
  
No one was eating along the staff table in the Great Hall. It was as if there was a sound barrier between them and the noisy students who laughed and gossiped as they ate  
  
It was as if they were cut off from the normal line of existence.  
  
Snape was sitting in his usual place two seats away from Dumbledore. McGonagall between him and the Headmaster: it seemed, in a last attempt to restrain their tempestial emotions, they had taken up their traditional seating.  
  
Remus himself was toying with his fork. Many of the others remained staring and cold and empty.  
  
#  
  
Severus:  
  
It's a pity that I've given up on the heroin, he grumbled inwardly. I could use some of it right now. I suspect so could a number of the others.  
  
-Stop that, Severus- that would be Rat. -Leave them alone-  
  
I am.  
  
So long as Dubeldore wasn't merrily chortling along with the rest of the Hogwarts.Inc company, he thought inwardly, then he would be fine.  
  
He continued to stare emptily at the pudding.  
  
Looking across the table, he could see that out of Lira, Sirius and Remus, Remus looked by far the most morose. I wonder why, Snape mused coldly. He has barely anything to be morose about. Over-sensitive prick.  
  
Not that it was unusual.  
  
The werewolf had always seemed to be, well, maybe watching wasn't the word. Snape always felt as if he were being held in some kind of careful, empathetic appraisal whenever he was near Lupin. It was slightly disturbing at the best of times.  
  
-I think he wants something of you-  
  
Like what?  
  
-I don't know. I don't understand two-leggers anyway. Pompous Bosses that they are. Besides, it wouldn't be a bad thing: why are you so concerned about it?-  
  
Because, truth be told, I don't need anyone to be interested in my life.  
  
#  
  
Lira:  
  
The only reason she was eating was because of the fact that she had a baby to look after and she couldn't just think of herself at a time like this. She also had a husband with mental scars so deep she was wondering if they'd ever heal; if she acted normal, she knew he wouldn't feel so tense.  
  
Times like these, she thought grimly, I wonder how my mother coped.  
  
Earlier on today, she and Sirius had gone down to the library to join his Godson and friends, but before then, she had taken a stroll around Hogwarts.  
  
When she bumped into Snape in a corridor, he was staring out of a window, face relaxed and open. Of course, he was in the same year as her husband and Remus, younger than Sirius by a few months, but he always seemed to have the aura of a man aged beyond his years, reflecting the weariness and cynism of adult life.  
  
"Hey," she had said softly. He had flinched and turned to face her with a sudden movement. "I'm sorry..." she tried.  
  
He looked away, but she could tell he was guarding himself from her.  
  
"Morning," he'd replied simply.  
  
She remembered nodding and walked over to look out of the same window as Snape was. Something in her heart cried out for him at that moment. An overwhelming weight of pity dragged at her; he obviously had no one, she'd mused, mildly depressed.  
  
"We--um... well, we don't know each other too well, do we now... maybe we could start?" God, she had sounded like such an idiot.  
  
When he gave a light snort, she realised that he had a cigarette in his hand. She didn't smoke regularly anyway, and with the baby, she couldn't smoke at all.  
  
A sigh had come from between her lips.  
  
Snape was beginning to feel uncomfortable, she could tell. "Has Sirius told you anything of the Hogwarts grounds?" He dared to venture, fiddling with the cigarette.  
  
"No, not yet." She stood on tip-toe to get a proper look. The morning was a light periwinkle. Gorgeous, she thought, like something out of a Victorian water colour. The lake was an icy blue, almost white from the mist that hung over it. The Forbidden Forest looked no more than an ordinary Scandinavian forest than a terrifying refuge for all kinds of magical creatures. "Heavens above," she murmured. "It's beautiful."  
  
"Hmmm..." he then had stubbed out the glowing embers on the masonary seemingly oblivious to the black scorch marks on the windowsill.  
  
"Do you always come here?"  
  
"No." Another cigarette was lit.  
  
The slence that had followed wasn't quite cold and unwelcoming, but it wasn't exactly warm and amiable. Maybe detatched was the right word to describe it.  
  
And now, she was at the dinner table. She looked up at Snape, wondering how to see through his harsh demeanour, hoping that this wouldn't be the last time she ever saw him.  
  
Because she knew that he would be the one putting the first Link in it's location.  
  
}~{  
  
Remus:  
  
When Snape excused himself from the dinner table, he felt the desire to go up after him, but realised it may not be such a good idea. When he looked up at Dumbledore, the man had given him a grimly gentle look and a small nod.  
  
Christ, he suddenly realised, Snape's the first Linkbearer.  
  
Turning round, he saw Lira give him a worried look.  
  
So he wasn't the only one who knew.  
  
And it wouldn't do much good for any of them at all.  
  
}#{  
  
Severus:  
  
-They're in the know. I can smell it-  
  
Ha. They've realised now. They've realised it's me. It's on me that everyone is depending upon now. It's on me that the fate of our future battles will be mainly decided. They wouldn't be able to hurt me if I didn't do any good. I could just run away, they'd have no Links, and because none of them bother, they won't do a thing.  
  
-But you won't ever, will you Severus?-  
  
Be quiet. You have no idea just how refreshing it is to have everyone depending on me like this.  
  
-You two-leggers. You're all the same. And to think that you're the best out of the lots of them. It brings tears of shame to my eyes-  
  
My heart weeps buttermilk.  
  
-Lovely-  
  
()  
  
Sirius:  
  
He's gone. He just went; just got up and left. Left us all.  
  
Does he feel anything? Is he nervous or angry or even scared?  
  
When we were younger, it annoyed me that he could remain so calm and passive and blank. His lips never moved in a smile, not even with his friends. Only a grimace, a wince or sneer. Whenever I was near him, it was like this eternal game just to see if he would crack.  
  
And he never did.  
  
At least, not in front of me.  
  
But times like this I wonder. Did he ever break down alone? When you go through a place like Azkaban, I guess it does change the way you see some things when you've got the chance to contemplate. At least, that's my theory. No one else has managed to escape from Azkaban. So maybe it's just that I'm getting older.  
  
A frightening thought isn't it?  
  
%  
  
TBC 


	12. So so Smooth

Chapter 12: Smooth  
  
"I *liked* Severus," Lira muttered. "I don't understand: how come none of you have ever ventured to talk with him? I mean, you went to school together, you obviously knew each other and remembered each other and yet-- "  
  
"We weren't exactly the best of friends," Sirius started.  
  
"So? That was then, this is now. *You* of all people could encourage a comradship of sorts." She gave her husband a gentle glare.  
  
"Do you know," Sirius began to reply, "he almost sent me back to Azkaban..."  
  
"You have no idea how close I was to doing the same thing myself, darling," she replied softly.  
  
"And it was because of a stupid trick we played on him at school..." Sirius persisted, eyes flashing, bue he continued as if he hadn't heard Lira's quiet statement.  
  
"Ach!" Lira got up, throwing arms wildly into the air. "Of course it would be because of that! Nothing else! Sirius Black is so conceited that he thinks himself to be the centre of everything! Everyone's angers and hopes and dreams and-- grrrrrrr!" She began to pace. "You wouldn't even know. Apart from swapping a few insults and whatever trick it was that you played on him, you barely knew him. I mean," she took a breath, "look at your Harry and that Malfoy boy, all they know of each other is a minute amount about their families, a few other bits of idle gossip and that's that!"  
  
She had her back to her husband. Remus could see that much from behind the door. Rather than attempt sleep, he turned away and walked on. Wherever he ended up to. He didn't really care. He was too tired to.  
  
It then struck him, when he was wandering the fourth floor, that he could go and speak to Dumbledore.  
  
He went rather quickly along the passageway and entered Dumbledore's office after reciting the password (Remus had been slightly impressed when it turned out to be a long string of names which, apparently, belonged to the first five owners of Bassett's and Hounds) and walking up a shorter flight of stairs.  
  
Knocking on the door, he began to wonder why it seemed that Snape possessed his thoughts. He didn't think it was anything like love, or even lust, but there was something... something that he just couldn't put his finger on.  
  
"Come in," he heard Dumbledore call.  
  
Obeying, Remus stepped in and looked around. Dumbledore was on a slighlty higher level looking out on a pinned down sheet of paper on a large table. He peered over his half-moon spectacles, eyes twinkling.  
  
"Ah, Remus." He began to walk down. "I trust you are well?"  
  
"Er, yes... it was really... well, I only came to ask you about Severus. He *is* the first Linkbearer isn't he?" Remus stepped forward and noted a glint of grim realisation in the Headmaster's eye.  
  
"Yes. Severus is."  
  
**No surprises there**  
  
"And.. *where* is the first Link going to be placed?"  
  
Here, Dumbledore shook his head. "I can't tell you, I'm afraid. Not for now at any rate." He continued to look at Remus.  
  
**Well, what did I expect?**  
  
Remus shrugged. "That's fine. I was really just pressing my luck."  
  
"Are you worried for him?" Dumbledore asked simply, brows creased slightly. Again, Remus shrugged. "You needn't be. I have every confidence in him--"  
  
**And suddenly, that's enough?**  
  
"--If that's any consolation for you."  
  
~  
  
Severus:  
  
He remembered, as he crept down grand staircases of mahogany, the very first time he had ever set foot within the manor. A rather bad encounter with a few Aurors, ending with Lucius barely being able to walk, MacNair hiding in the shadows, at times helping Severus drag him to the manor rather weakly.  
  
He remembered the sensation of Lucius' hair against his neck, the feel of his body and breath; the warmth; the heightened emotions.  
  
"My leg," Lucius moaned quietly when they lay him in the couch. Narcissa bustled over, stripping herself of a white apron, every inch the brisk, Victorian mistress of the house.  
  
"Be quiet, please, Lucius," she said calmly, something like pity in her eyes. "Severus, get the--"  
  
She hadn't needed to say it. He had already had it within his hand. "Here," he passed it to her. She folded a square piece of white cotton and stained it purple with the cleansing potion. Gently she laid it upon the worst of the wounds, cleansing the area of all magical infection. She added some more of the potion and continued to wipe. Lucius gritted his teeth.  
  
"Drink this, Lucius," Severus tipped a sedative into his friend's mouth.  
  
"Oh, thank you so much Severus," Narcissa breathed. "Poppy! Poppy get here this instant!" She called out, pitching her voice exactly to be commanding and echoing. A larger than average female house-elf came forward. "Bring me the spelled thread and needles: your master's going to need stitches."  
  
"Yes, ma'am," Poppy bowed and turned away, scurrying off to some dark room of the manor.  
  
"Severus, MacNair," she said the last man's surname awkwardly, having not known him very well. After all, he had been in her husband's year, only Severus had been in her own. However, there was no use in calling him. A shivering, pale wreck, the man had vomited behind a sofa, in the corner. She looked at him in shocked disgust. "Very well," her eyes snapped shut of all feeling (Now that he came to think of it, Severus mused as he walked calmly through the familiar living room, it was probably at that moment in which Narcissa had lost all feeling towards Death Eater and Auror alike). "Just Severus. Let's get his cloak and shirt off, hm?"  
  
Nodding, Snape had obeyed.  
  
The Link had to be placed where it could see all and yet be seen by none. Alright, he thought grimly to himself, I'm shit at Transfigurations, but at least my glamouries are yet to be beaten. He recalled the look of jealousy on Sirius' face when McGonagall had once mentioned it in seventh year with a sardonic satisfaction.  
  
Taking a breath, he pointed his wand at the dulled Link and allowed his mind to wander through it's memories again.  
  
They had removed most of Lucius' clothing. He remembered that it took him a huge amount of willpower not to trembled as he undid the buttons and felt naked torso brush against his fingers. Warm, naked torso. Near the nipple, too.  
  
Flicking her wrist, the couch's back vanished and legs appeared so that Lucius was now lying on a padded 'table'. Poppy reappeared with what looked like a sewing case in her hands. Narcissa and Severus drew off Lucius' lower underwear leaving the now subconscious man completely naked. He was, however, still bleeding slightly, yet the wound remained ugly and a glowing black-red.  
  
The two did their best to ignore MacNair's vomitings.  
  
"Get something to clear up that mess," Narcissa had snapped at Poppy.  
  
"Yes ma'am."  
  
Setting her teeth, Narcissa began to sew up the gash. Severus applied some skin grafting potion to another square of clean cotton and followed the scar line upward as she sewed. Already, the thread was beginning to sink into Lucius' skin. Severus held the leg down.  
  
His wife had then began to pay attention to the nasty graze on his left side. Severus continued to help.  
  
**Just a little more** he bit his bottom lip as sweat trickled down and the last stages of the glamourie were being carried through.  
  
It had continued throughout that night. Up until early morning. Together, friend and wife had completely healed Lucius.  
  
**Done!**  
  
He looked around, then at his watch. Now, how to get out?  
  
~  
  
"Remus! Sirius! Oh where are you all? LIRA!"  
  
McGonagall ran through the door, robes flapping behind her. She was smiling widely, her hat had vanished and several obstinate strands of hair had escaped her pins. Her eyes were alight with a manic glint.  
  
"What?" Lira got up. She and Sirius had reconciled earlier and were now discussing what names they should call their child with Remus (it seemed that the Pelinski's enthusiasm just couldn't be escaped). "What is it Minerva? Tell us!"  
  
"It's Severus!" She grinned further. "It's Severus..." she took a deep breath, "and he's alive, well and the first Link had been put in place!"  
  
"Oh!"  
  
Sharing a grin with Sirius, Remus could tell that Lira wanted to say a lot of other things at that moment but sufficed with clapping her hands together and leaping into an embrace with her husband's former teacher. "OhmyGod!OhmyGod!OhmyGod!" She cried. "It's done! We're going to win! I know it!"  
  
"Calm down, Lira," Sirius said, but he was smiling as well.  
  
"Oh, be quiet! Come on! We're going to have a celebration! Just be discreet about it," McGonagall's voice dropped. "We doubt that Dumbledore would fully approve..." A strange-looking, conspirational wink and off she skipped.  
  
Turning to each other, Lira, Sirius and Remus laughed. "You know, Lira," Sirus said when the laughter had subsided, "I take back what I said. I will talk to that man tomorrow."  
  
Lira playfully hit him round the head. "Two-faced loon!" She flounced out of the room.  
  
"Do you know," Sirius said quietly, "we may stand a chance in this war."  
  
"Bit early for prediction, though?" Remus frowned.  
  
"Oh yes, definitely," Sirius nodded, "probably why Dumbledore wouldn't really approve but just think, it's somthing to raise our hopes... for now, anyway..."  
  
They walked out of the room, Remus shutting the door. "They'd be in the Lounge, right?" Sirius gestured.  
  
In agreement, Remus followed him downstairs.  
  
* * *  
  
The Lounge was barely crowded. Looking around, Remus could see that despite the number of those present, neither McGonagall, Lira or Snape were there.  
  
Sirius had noticed this as well, bcause he murmured, "Where are they? Where's our litte Slytherin hero?"  
  
Remus doubted that Sirius meant any bile to be in those words, but Remus shook his head wonderingly all the same. He walked forward, only to be bumped into by a chattering Arabella Figg. She smiled generously at him, pink stained lips stretched over horse-like front teeth. "Haven't you heard?" She very nearly giggled.  
  
The werewolf shrugged and gave her an enquiring look.  
  
"The second Linkbearer has been despatched ... two hours ago, actually," her eyes sparkled again. "Couldn't have a drunk Linkbearer, could we?"  
  
He could hear Sirius snort behind him.  
  
"No," he attempted a smile. "We couldn't..."  
  
Suddenly, he felt Sirius grab his arm. "Ho!" he said, a rogish look on his face. "Drinks!" He nodded to the large table to their left.  
  
Remus laughed out loud, the room's infectious air of fun getting to his head: who needed alchohol with these lot around, he thought. He then swore in further wonderment. "Who the hell will be the third Linkbearer? They're going to have a fucking headache when they wake up..."  
  
"Ach, who cares? They've got food as well..."  
  
The two men pushed their way forward and started to fill up little plates with sasauge rolls, Mr. Thort's biscuits (A/N: rather like Mr. Kipling's pies to the normal British population) and other little stomach fillers.  
  
After taking a closer look at the drinks, Remus realised that indeed, they *were* alchoholic.  
  
"Jesus," he breathed.  
  
He doubted Dumbledore would be happy about *this*.  
  
Catching Remus' gaze, Sirius looked down at his plate, comically rueful. "Maybe we should keep the food until later...?"  
  
"Oh, no..."  
  
"Come on, why not? We can have two celebrations in one: the marvellous conception of my child and the placement of the first Link!" Sirius laughed and rolled his food in a large, white napkin before reaching out for a glass and a bottle.  
  
Eyes laughing, Remus added, "Not on an empty stomach."  
  
"Don't be stupid. We'll throw it all up, otherwise."  
  
A bottle was emptied of it's amber liquid into the tall glass. "Hah!" Sirius cackled and winked. He gulped. "Let's get a whole fucking set of these things and we can play a bit of Dead Wizard's rum, eh?"  
  
Another laugh issued from Remus' lips. "Oooh, let's!"  
  
It wouldn't be possible to try and describe the noise and sensations in the room: there was laughter, shouts, bangs from wands, usually followed with gasps, sounds of awe and applause. Smoke, mainly of a greenish, purple hue, was wafting lightly through the air, giving off a pleasant, musky odour and hazing the yellow lighting in the ceiling. Pops of opening bottles ensued regularly, as did fizzes and wheezes.  
  
Eventually, Sirius and Remus found a table for themselves and sat in the surround chairs, satisfied.  
  
A flick of the wrist and Sirius had gotten out the compulsory set of Tarot cards. Of course, in just about every other wizarding game, normal cards would be used. But in Wizard's Death... the rules would bend slightly.  
  
After all, the idea was that both participants would end up so drunk they wouldn't care what cards they used.  
  
Half an hour passed, during which, some more came to join them, play against them, play with them, lend money, vodka and courage. One thing was for sure, enough emphasis could not be put upon the fact that everyone was very drunk indeed by now.  
  
Near enough to midnight, Sirius won the last game, making it 7 games won to Remus' 5. The surrounding crowd applauded and "awwwwwww"ed along, now offering Siruus the traditional round of drinks. Getting up, Remus found he was still able to stand and found it remarkably easy to push his way out towards the table of solid refreshments.  
  
And there was Severus.  
  
He was leaning against the table, seemingly sober, lazily whirling his shot glass gently in a hand. He was flanked by Lira and McGonagall, both equally sober, but pleased. All three looked up at Remus who then discovered that most of the human contents of the room had migrated to his and Sirius' table. Grinning, he ran a hand through his hair.  
  
"It'll all be over, soon," he heard himself say.  
  
"Uh-huh," Lira took a sip of juice. "I ought to tell you something."  
  
"What?" He jerked his head up to her.  
  
"Dumbledore has arrange for the next Link to be placed in two day's time," echoed Snape's cold, deliberate tenor. "So it's safe to celebrate."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Mmm." Another sip. "I see you were enjoying yourself."  
  
"That was Sirius; how's Rat?" He enquired. Gods, the alchohol was getting to him. He could barely make any relating sentences.  
  
"Rat?" McGonagall said sharply.  
  
"Severus wouldn't give him a normal name like Harvey or Periwinkle..." He blinked: at least he wasn't slurring.  
  
**Shut-up. Now**  
  
Lira giggled. "A pet, Severus?"  
  
The darker man glowered at the floor, mouth set in scorn, embarrassment and irritation. He was tired and Remus could tell. Spare him any more misery.  
  
"I'd best go and see to my husband: he should be toppling over any minute now," Lira winked, whispered something to Snape and swayed her way along to Sirius.  
  
"Wonderful woman," McGonagall nodded. "She's pregnant, I'm sure you've heard."  
  
"Yes, actually... Severus?"  
  
"No."  
  
Remus reached for another bottle. Before he could pour some into his glass, Snape raised an eyebrow and said, "sure you haven't had enough already?"  
  
"Pretty much."  
  
McGonagall tittered. Snape shook his head, wonderment and... amusement? Snape was actually showing his amusement?  
  
"McGonagall? Lupin gallantly extended a clean glass for her and filled it with whisky.  
  
"Ooh, you..." but she took it all the same.  
  
They drank. As was what usually happened, Remus began to get more of a control over the affects of the alchohol. McGonagall didn't have to try although it was well-known that if she had more than seven glasses, she'd be under the table.  
  
The nearby refreshments were quickly consumed by the head of Gryffindor house and other pasing guests, but not at all by Snape.  
  
"I can see you're tired," Remus murmured to him, as McGonagall chattered with an Arab wizard, "but are you sure you're fine apart from that? Aren't you hungry?" There was no smile on his face and the werewolf was glad of that; he didn't want Snape to think of him as a nincompoop.  
  
"Not particularly," was the reply, accompanied with a small sigh. "I just can't see why I had to come here."  
  
"Hmm... not even to celebrate--"  
  
"Celebrate what?" Severus snapped. "It's only the first Link! It could just as easily be found.. or-or the next lot won't work... It was the same when the Potters died," he went on. "everyone was about making right prats of themselves. Hardly done much, has it? Just made the fall much, much harder." There was a sarcastic tone, as always, but now the slighlty more than mildly bitter edge to it took Remus aback. The other man, however, calmly gulped the rest of his glass down.  
  
"More?"  
  
A disgusted look appeared on the Potions Master's face and he clucked his tongue. "May as well."  
  
Across the room, Sirius and Lira were talking to Bill Weasley. What was he doing here?  
  
"You know," Remus started again, "Flitwick said that you have a very interesting book on the topic of the earth's structure and the magical boundaries."  
  
Snape stopped mid-sip and looked over the glass emptily before raising his head and looking directly into Lupin's eyes. "Did he now?"  
  
"Mm-hm."  
  
A pause ensued.  
  
"So you want to come and borrow it?" The darker man enquired.  
  
"May I?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Remus nearly kicked himself at his own folly (though he doubted if that would make anything any better): he had completely forgotten that just because you could control yourself under the influence of alchohol when you were standing still or sitting down, didn't mean you could do the same when you were walking. It was probably because he hadn't been drunk for such a long time.  
  
"Christ." He almost tripped over his feet up the stairs. Snape caught his arm.  
  
"It's not that far now."  
  
"Good."  
  
You could only ever truly guage how drunk someone was by how they walked.  
  
Remus was, then, most definitely, drunk.  
  
Were he sober, he would have registered with some surprise that Snape laughed, although it was more of a sinister cackle. However, both being the owners of blood streams thick with alchohol, they didn't notice.  
  
They also didn't notice when Remus tripped, lurching Snape forward, and landed on something soft.  
  
*  
  
Thank you for your reviews! 


	13. Revealing

This is going to be the last chapter with Snape's POV intervening with the original Remus' narrative. I think I'm getting too complacent, so it's back to the old style with me! This is mainly because as present, it's changed quite a bit from how I wanted it to start off with, so, you know... never mind...  
  
Oh yeah, one * signifies Flashback. Yup, it's back to the old standby.  
  
This is an equally important chappie as well, due to the fact that, well, you'll see... I'm too cold to be bothered to type away the story-line. Humbugs.  
  
}~{  
  
Chapter 13: Mal de tete (to put it lightly)  
  
Yellow.  
  
He woke to a dull throb in the back of his head. When he opened his eyes, the dull throb transformed into a vicious series of blows. He groaned loudly and tried to shift, moving upwards of his bed.  
  
Thing was, it wasn't his bed.  
  
The sheets were different: as pathetic as it may have seemed, Remus could tell that sort of thing even if the sheets were all the same white cotton as his, which, in this case, they were. It was something to do with the way they crinkled around his legs as he tried to shift.  
  
Which is where the second problem came in.  
  
His legs were entangled with those of someone else's and right arm underneath someone's head. Gently rising, he looked over. Of course, the raven black hair gave it away: it was Snape.  
  
Pushing away the ache in his head, he leaned in closer. Snape shifted and mumbled quietly. Remus gently brushed some of the hair from the man's face, in silent, fascinated awe. Looking over, he noticed that Snape's left hand was clutching his own right. He smiled slightly and leaned in to his ear, pressing against the spooned body. A nibble on the earlobe and he lay back.  
  
Snape's skin wasn't exactly sallow. It was merely a light - very light, though - tan that, what with bending over steaming potions and spending more time indoors, had contributed to his sallow complexion. The skin wasn't waxy, though: Remus could feel the pores beneath his fingertips.  
  
Was the man dreaming?  
  
Deciding against disturbing Snape - who looked much different when asleep under so close scrutiny - Remus went back to sleep.  
  
Half an hour later, the opposite figure moved. His breathing quickened.  
  
He was awake now.  
  
Shifting back, Remus gave him space to sit up. However, Snape was slow to actually do so: his head raised by a fraction of an inch first and with quick, jerky movements, he turned his head to see what it was that was so different about the bed. Then he must've realised that there was someone lying behind him.  
  
He turned round, mouth slightly open, eyes fixed in some sort of panic and his hair in strands over his face. The look of shock suddenly went and was replaced by a deep wince; a hand to his head and Remus knew he was feeling the after-affects of the night before.  
  
"Good morning," Lupin said mildly, having had half an hour at least to recover slightly from his headache.  
  
The pale hand was pulled down it's owner's face. Snape lay back, slumped, against the back of the bed, his eyes vacant and staring, as if he were trying to explain to himself why Remus was lying next to him.  
  
"May I use the shower?" Remus asked quietly. Subdued, Snape nodded slightly.  
  
After a moment's hesitation, Remus got up from the bed and walked towards the bathrooms.  
  
The shower was warm and invigorating; it left the werewolf feeling supremely better than before. He had almost ventured to use on of the soaps available, but then thought better of it. The water was crystal clear and scented anyway.  
  
Snape was wearing a dressing-gown and sitting at a table when Remus stepped out of the shower. He went to the opposite side of the room to get dressed: both men attempted to ignore each other. Neither man succeeded.  
  
Quietly, so as not to grant any attention, the minute he had finished dressing, Remus slipped out of the door.  
  
* * *  
  
Severus:  
  
I know. We were drunk. And that makes it even worse. The fact that I can be plied with alchohol and influenced to act like nothing better than a rent- boy.  
  
When I think like that, and despite all my efforts, I still do, the image of Dumbledore always comes into my mind.  
  
It's still there.  
  
Amazing.  
  
I've found that if I don't pay too much attention to it and avoid others, it doesn't come back to me so quickly. Only if I find myself thinking a bit too hard about the students: I can't risk caring about them. Selfish I suppose.  
  
And now Remus.  
  
I should have known he'd be a queer. He seems the type, doesn't he?  
  
And now I'm talking to myself. Oh, the indescribabale joy of it all!  
  
Seeing that most of the staff would have gotten themselves just as pissed as I did, I very much doubt anyone would mind if I skipped today's lessons. I might not deserve the break but no one else bothers about me and I don't bother about anyone else, so there.  
  
Oh... it isn't just Remus. It's that Lira as well.  
  
Sirius' wife. Attractive woman, the way they go, I suppose. Something about her always reminds me of Eleni. It's probably why I bother associating myself with her in the first place. If it were for the sake of her husband, then...  
  
Christ, it comes back to Remus.  
  
I'd rather not think about the night before. I can't remember so much of it. Hell, I can't remember *any* of it. But, there you go. It still happened and no doubt, by the time I can be bothered, everyone else will know it happened as well.  
  
* * *  
  
Remus almost burst out laughing when he arrived at the Great Hall for breakfast.  
  
The huge table was a comical sight with only Dumbledore and Hagrid sitting at it. The large breakfast remained untouched for the most part. Remus was now wondering why he'd bothered to come.  
  
"Good morning," he said cheerfully to Hagrid who beamed back.  
  
"G'mornin'."  
  
Remus sat next to him. "Weren't you at the party last night?" He enquired softly, so that Hagrid had to lean in to hear him.  
  
"Yeah, jus' didna drink anythin'..." the half-giant yawned. "What abou' you? Yer 'ave the look of one that's had a hangover cure..." A knowing wink caused Remus to grin and nod. "Ah, yer lot are all the same." Hagrid chuckled, causing tremors through his shaggy beard and hair.  
  
Lira entered the Great Hall and the students stopped. Remus frowned; surely they'd seen her before?  
  
Blushing furiously, she hurried over to Lupin.  
  
"Good morning!" She smiled broadly, perhaps mainly due to embarrassment.  
  
"Hmm... same to you, I'm sure. How's Sirius?" He replied.  
  
"Fine. Injected a little vial I got from Severus into him." She leaned forward, eyes sparkling and grinned further. "And how was *your* night, Remus? Enjoyable? Or have you forgotten all about it?" Containing a laugh, the woman giggled.  
  
"Horrible woman," Remus growled, aware that his cheeks were burning. "I-it as a one-night stand and yes, I *have* forgotten all about it."  
  
"'Course," she smiled.  
  
"What?" He protested.  
  
A click escaped from her mouth. "You and Severus dissappeared last night and *you* never returned to your bedroom. Need I say more?"  
  
"Yes--"  
  
"Fine. Everyone who cares thinks that you've been with each other for a bit longer than just the night. Mainly because the infamous Severus Snape would never care to share his bed with any ordinary passer by. Comprende?" She took a gulp of coffee. "How're you, Hagrid? Okay?"  
  
"Yeah, jus' abou'. Third Link's gonna be placed in two days, right?" His black eyes dulled.  
  
"Yup." Looking up, Lira saw that Sirius was coming in. "Look who's here."  
  
"I'd bes' leave you two be," Hagrid said respectfully and got up. He nodded and grinned at Sirius as he walked past; Sirius grinned back and took Hagrid's seat at the table.  
  
"So," he started, voice casual, but eyes shining. "Did you actually have sex with Snape last night?"  
  
Remus choked.  
  
He rarely showed any extremes of emotion like anger or shock, and Sirus was open mouthed at his friends sudden reaction. Thumping him on the back, he said quietly, "sorry about that..."  
  
"N-no... it's okay..."  
  
"But did you have sex with him last night?"  
  
"Sirius!" Lira exclaimed.  
  
"What? We all know he did, it's just nice to hear him admit to it."  
  
Had Snape not entered at that precise moment, Remus was sure that the argument would have continued. But it didn't. Instead, husband and wife looked at the Head of Slytherin: Remus didn't think they'd realised how penetrating either of their stares could be. Snape sat at the furthest chair from them, doing his best - and Remus could tell - to ignore their looks.  
  
"Stop that you two." He muttered.  
  
"Stop what?" Lira and Sirius chorused.  
  
* * *  
  
Severus:  
  
So he's told them.  
  
Told them all about last night. How he probably had me screaming, how sick it is that someone like me could end up to be taken advantage of so easily.  
  
Despite having mantras of self-worth drilled into me for the last quarter of a century, it's hard for me to shake off the feeling that maybe I *am*... worthless... I know it's immature to assume that I'm important to somebody, but it's just, when I compare myself to others... but I can't really do that... none of them would ever let someone... someone *abu-  
  
God, I hate that word.  
  
It's so ugly.  
  
And fits what it describes exactly.  
  
You can't run away from the truth and you can only just manage to push it down, but that just means that when it comes back, it springs up all the harder.  
  
Well. Two Links have been done and both Linkbearers are alive.  
  
Maybe it is worthwhile to celebrate.  
  
Jesus. I have to eat something or else I won't be able to breathe. I hate it when this happens. Bad enough being claustrophobic, but when you're in an open space and *make* it seem smaller.... that's just pathetic.  
  
Hah. My life. Et al.  
  
* * *  
  
Remus had to undermine his own glances so that the students and staff alike wouldn't notice anything. He was glancing at Snape. Of course.  
  
Would Snape ever let him touch him again? How had he felt and tasted last night? How had he sounded?  
  
Worse of all, it had happened whilst both men had been so pissed... oww.... headache...  
  
Had they kissed? They must have. Over and over. Had Severus touched him... made *him* scream out loud... feeling in the right hand side of his neck, the swell of the purple love-bite rose against the tips of his sensitive fingers. Closing his eyes for a few moments, he inhaled.  
  
He was in love.  
  
Or was it just lust?  
  
*  
  
It wasn't *that* late. It was early December, however, so it always appeared so very much darker than was right. It was also raining outside. Raining *very* heavily and caused the twelve year old Severus to wonder how he could have been so stupid.  
  
Hagrid - Professor Bainsford had explained politely - was in need of a certain potion. He needed it by tomorrow. Professor Bainsford had went on to say that she didn't care when Severus delivered the vial, so long as it was before dawn of the next day. That had been made quite clear. Thinking that all he'd really have to do would be to nip back and forth from Hagrid's hut, Severus had only just remembered to get on a heavier cloak, but that in itself wasn't much to stand against the heavy downpour.  
  
The doors wouldn't actually lock for the whole of the night: Hogwarts had other ways to protect itself and many students were still in the Great Hall.  
  
Already considerably soaked, Severus banged on the cabin door.  
  
"Hagrid!" He called and eventually, the door opened to reveal the bushy face of the Hogwarts gamekeeper.  
  
"Snape, eh?" He said. "What c'n I do fer you?"  
  
Shivering, he extended his hand and placed the vial into Hagrid's. "Oh... oh I see... send my thanks to Profess'r Bainsford fer me, then. An' thank you fer deliv'rin' it ter me..."  
  
"Alright..." He shivered again and began to walk down the steps.  
  
"You sure you'll be OK?" Hagrid enquired gruffly. "Don't yer wan' anythin' ter warm you up, like?"  
  
"N-no thanks!" Severus replied, turning slightly as he also tried to keep his eyes on the pathway. Even so, the cabin door remained open until Severus waved back and was actually walking up the stone steps of Hogwarts.  
  
He hadn't bargained for how wet he'd be, either. When he entered the large passageway, a trail of rainwater followed him. Sighing, he took off his cloak but thought better of opening the door slightly, to wring it out.  
  
Hoping that he didn't run into Filch, he trudged his way to the Slytherin common room.  
  
Along the second turn he would have to make to get to the common room, the sound of voices reached Severus' ears. Wondering if he should attempt to hide himself from view or just continue walking, he opted for looking round the corner stones of the corridor.  
  
It was Dumbledore. He had his back to Severus, although he was a long way off down the corridor. The boy couldn't quite see who it was he was talking to.  
  
Not that it mattered too much. He just hoped they'd be walking off into the opposite direction--  
  
No. No such luck. Dumbledore and the stranger had walked their separate ways and Dumbledore was heading towards him. Damn.  
  
"Mr. Snape?"  
  
If he could smile, Severus would have done at that moment: he could imagine the sight he must've made to the dignified, elderly wizard; soaked to the skin, hair flattened, skin pale and wet.  
  
"Y-yes, sir?" He was chattering and cursed to himself.  
  
Surveying the student, Dumbledore nodded. "Ah," he began, "I too had to fight the urge to go dancing in the rain: you obviously did not have quite the same success as I did in persuading myself not to." His eyes twinkled.  
  
Severus rarely laughed. Even if he was that sort of child, he would be more puzzled as to what to make out of this statement, than trying to fight the inclination to laugh.  
  
"Would you care to come to my office and warm up?" The Headmaster offered.  
  
"N-no," he was still chattering. "Thank you, b-but no... I'm on my way to the common room any--..."  
  
Dumbledore solemnly held up a hand to halt the boy's protests. "I *insist* that you do." He smiled down benignly and Severus felt warmth flood to his cheeks. "Come along, then, Mr Snape."  
  
The absurdity of it - Severus thought to himself - was that his clothes were just as wet (probably more so) as he. Yet he continued to huddle them around him. He followed Dumbledore up numerous stairs and along numerous passageways, the bearable soak turning into a clinging dampness. He felt colder, the rainwater making his skin more suspectible to the chills that rushed through cracks in the stone walls that lined the corridors.  
  
After what seemed like hours to Severus - but was actually in truth little more than five minutes - they came to an area of grey wall that was ornately carved and flanked by examples of brilliant masonary.  
  
"Gordon and Lynches," Dumbledore said politely to the gargoyle. It jumped to life and sprang out of the way. "Come in, why don't you?" He turned to the second year, amused, when Severus had remained near the opposite wall, watching in something similar to awe. "He's a rather patient chap as gargoyle's go, but I'm afraid that doesn't go very far."  
  
"Oh! Yes sir!" And Snape hurried in after him.  
  
When they entered the office - a circular room with mantlepieces packed with magical instruments, books and jewels - Dumbledore said, "Do sit down."  
  
"I'll get the seat wet," Severus protested.  
  
"Well, of course you would: but, my boy, don't you think I'd be a pretty poor wizard if I couldn't simply, oh, say, *dry* the cushion?"  
  
Sighing inwardly, Snape sat on a chair.  
  
"What would you prefer? Hot Chocolate or... tea?"  
  
Severus swallowed. "Hot Chocolate please."  
  
"Very well then," speaking into something like a mesh covered dark hole in the wall, Dumbledore said, "Two hot chocolates please." He turned back to Severus. "Biscuits?" He asked. Snape nodded. "And a plate of chocolate biscuits, with that as well. Thank you."  
  
The boy shivered again.  
  
"How long did you dance out there?" Dumbledore smiled again.  
  
"I wasn't dancing," Severus explained. "Professor Bainsford wanted me to give something to Hagrid and it slipped my mind, to do it earlier. So I went on to give it just now."  
  
"Hm." Dumbledore looked thoughtful. "And how are you, Severus? How is your mother?"  
  
A muscle in his neck twitched. "I'm fine and so is she."  
  
"Have you hear from her recently?"  
  
**No**  
  
"Yes. She just said she was doing alright."  
  
"Ah..."  
  
Severus got the feeling that Dumbledore wanted him to say more. Stubbornly, he didn't. There wasn't much else to tell.  
  
A knock on the door and a house elf came in, carrying a tray loaded with biscuits and two mugs of hot chocolate. It was a female one and she was smiling politely, in the nervous way all House elves seem to. She took the tray to Dumbledore who thanked her and gave a mug to Severus who attempted a smile. He remembered how both his parents used to despise families that kept house elves; his mother because they always got in the way and his father because the lack of servants was an indication of Snape family pride. Wondering how they'd react to Hogwarts having them (more so of his father because he was dead), he took several sips of cocoa, not noticing that the house elf had left and Dumbledore sat opposite him.  
  
"Enjoying it, Severus?" Dumbledore enquire, his voice bringing Snape back to reality. "Care for a biscuit or two?"  
  
"Mm... yes please." Was the quiet reply. Dumbledore gestured to the plate. When he extended his arm to take one, he was taken aback when the Headmaster held it in one of his own.  
  
"Dear me, so cold, Severus..." he breathed. His fingers began to massage, encouraging the flow of blood. "Always so cold..."  
  
Something was beginning to feel slightly odd now.  
  
"Come round here, Severus."  
  
**From Mr Snape to Severus, eh?**  
  
Trembling slightly, Severus obeyed. Chuckling, Dumbledore said, "There's no need to be worried, my boy. Just come, stand in front of me."  
  
It suddenly became difficult for Severus to breathe. Still, he obeyed, wondering what on earth was going on.  
  
Now he was in reach, Dumbledore used both hands to encase that of Severus'. The old man sighed as he traced circles on the skin. Calmly, he turned Severus' hand over, so the palm was facing upwards. As gently as before, he traced spirals over the paper-thin skin, sending shivers down Snape's spine when his finger's path would cross that of a vein. Steadily pulling Severus closer to him, Dumbledore continued to trace upwards. The second year Slytherin only noticed how close they were when the Headmaster's fingers were feeling their way across the skin underneath the wet robes around the shoulder.  
  
"You'd best take that off, Severus," the man said, voice low.  
  
Alarm bells.  
  
"No... no... I'm fine, I'll just get back... now... thank you... I'm fine though I--" but his gabble was cut off when Dumbledore applied a little more pressure with one hand and with the other, took off the outer robe.  
  
"Soaked through to the very skin, hm?"  
  
Severus couldn't get his voice to work.  
  
Gripping the hem of his sweater, Dumbledore lifted. Swallowing, Severus pulled it off, eyes cast down. He was now very scared.  
  
Almost wrapping an arm around the boy, Dumbledore pulled him closer until Severus' tighs were against his knees. Keeping his calm blue eyes in contact with the student's black ones, his hands snaked round the waist completely underneath the shirt.  
  
"Please don't," he whispered, attempting to push away the white-locked head. "Just don't, please?"  
  
He felt the Headmaster's lips against his abdomen. Severus clenched his teeth and screwed his eyes shut. "Hussssssshhhhhhh...." the man murmured against his skin, lowering his hands and with a few deft movements of one hand, opening the zipper to Severus' trousers. "Hush, now.... everything will be fine.... just fine..."  
  
*  
  
There would be no chance of getting it now, Remus realised. Damn it.  
  
He had been genuinely interested in having that book for a while to read but he knew that he had completely blown his chances of ever getting a go at doing so. How could he ever get Snape to trust him now?  
  
Wait.  
  
Snape seemed to trust Lira.  
  
Perhaps he could get the book through her...  
  
Yawning, he drew the curtains and turned to the pleasant sight of his own bed before moving in between the sheets.  
  
(@)  
  
With all your underlying questions to your reviews, and after having Snape and Lupin fuck each other drunkenly, I decided to give you most of what you've all been waiting for: how Snape's abuse actually started. Hope you ... appreciated it. It was really hard for me to write this chapter. It's so.... horrific. I've read real case studies and Snape's emotions and self- portrayal are typical of abuse victims. I read elsewhere about a woman in her 70's who still hasn't properly recovered.  
  
Will not be uploading for some time again. Please tell me if I've done the last two chapters right. I've got this feeling I've done something wrong.... The chapter 11 will be edited soon...-er or later.  
  
Thanx for the reviews! 


	14. Toxicity

I ought to say this before I begin to ramble on and waste more space with these before-chapter notices: To all of you who have been affected in any way at all by this fic, I urge you to read 'The Tale Of One Bad Rat' by Bryan Talbot (my, that's a lot of capitals...). It may help you to understand some of the things I portray in this fic. Yes, it's about someone - a girl - who has suffered from abuse at the hands of her father and yes, it did help inspire this story. I loved it, and I'm sure that you'll love it too.  
  
To previous readers, not the last two who reviewed, I mean, Chapters 11 and 12 have been edited. I know I did warn you before that I'll take a little while uploading a new chapter, but even this is much later than I expected. After two days of planning - writer's block came in. So I knew what to write, just didn't know how.  
  
Damn.  
  
Ermmm... oh yeah, why did Dumbledore start abusing Severus? All I can say now is that it was *not* an extended moment of insanity. That's right, I still want you people guessing so that you people will still read my story *snorts* Mwahahahaha! You're my pawns! All of you!  
  
Well... not really... just... some of the time.  
  
*sinister cackle*  
  
PS I don't care what you say, Remus has Belgian blood in him *cackles*.  
  
~  
  
Chapter 14: Toxicity (I'm a sucker for System of a Down)  
  
Unlike the last time he had stayed at Hogwarts, Remus did not have to teach. It was lucky, then, because he overslept the next morning. Not even by a few hours. He didn't even wake up any time in the morning. It was late afternoon when he opened his eyes.  
  
Because he had woken up so very late, Remus didn't even bother in hurrying up. He took a shower because it made him feel good; he took his time dressing because he rarely reflected on mornings when he ususally got dressed as it was (and now was a good excuse to contemplate on the orange sky); he lay on his bed, reading, because he barely got the chance to read and fictional works of literature these days.  
  
He strolled down the staircases leisurely and took time to gaze at the paintings: he had never before had he been able to truly appreciate the talents of the artists.  
  
**Next time, I ought to bring my sketchpad with me**  
  
Walking down the stairs, it dawned on him that despite the fact that he had been at Hogwarts since October - and it was early April now - he hadn't gone to visit Hogsmeade at all.  
  
**See? Something to do after all...**  
  
Before he got to the Entrance Hall, he heard quick footsteps behind him. Turning slightly, he saw that it was Hermione.  
  
"I haven't seen you all day!" She started, a bit out of breath. "What on earth happened to you?"  
  
"I overslept," he explained charmingly.  
  
Hermione almost laughed. "I take it you're going to Hogsmeade..." the werewolf nodded. "Oh, that's perfect... do you mind if I come with you?"  
  
"Not at all," he dipped his head. "It'll prove for interesting conversation at any rate."  
  
"I'm afraid I might disappoint you, there..." she chuckled, but pulled on her robe and smiled anyway.  
  
They walked together down the pathway, past the lake and eventually, into Hogsmeade. Hermione was talking to Remus about a cousin of hers who was doing an Art and Psychology degree and who hoped to continued further in Art Therapy. Remus was genuinely interested, especially when Hermione began to talk about the period of time her cousin would be staying in a youth hostel/youth therapy unit.  
  
"He always says," Hermione started as a small family noisily went passed them, "that it's a mistake to think you can understand the children or cure them as if it's a disease. What you have to do is find some common ground with them. Whether it's huge things like... oh, say you both came from equally disruptive homes, but maybe disruptive for different reasons... or... that feeling of inadequacy you get," she looked up at the sky as two magpies glided their way around. "Or feeling that you need someone.... anyone... whether it's to talk and listen... or just to be by you... that sort of common ground."  
  
They paused for a bit after that. Remus simply let the words sink in, stored in some recess of his memory from which he could pick it up in an instant at any time of need.  
  
"Oooh... I do need some Potions ingredients," Hermione said absently, though her voice was eager. Turning to Remus as if slightly surprised that he was there - which made the werewolf smile broadly - ahe added, "Do you have anything in particular you'd want to get here? You can accompany me if you like." The twinkle in her eye assured Remus that she wasn't flirting: he himself wasn't too sure if she knew that he was gay, although Harry did, so maybe he'd told her himself.  
  
"Of course I'll accompany you," he said graciously.  
  
And he did.  
  
Hogsmeade, being a relatively small village - more of an over-sized hamlet than anything - had an apothecary that was especially selective and expensive, most likely because of the wizarding tourists. Despite the drawbacks, you found most of the rare plants and ingredients here, including the mostly illegal Dragon's drops, purified dragon's saliva. They would only sell these to you if you had a liscence from the Ministry or from Dumbledore: it was one of the advantages of being a Potions Master in Hogwarts, Remus mused to himself.  
  
Another thing that set Hogsmeade's apothecary apart was that it sold seeds and roots; it was these that Hermione was most interested in getting.  
  
It took him back to the days as a younger boy when his parents would take him to the Floating market and ask him to help them buy fresh produce. Although he was frankly absolute bull at Potions and especially when he tried to cook, he had a sensitive touch when it came to plants, especially roots and such of the like. He could tell that Hermione much appreciated his help as he contributed to her decision of what pygmy mandrake in root form she should buy.  
  
It wasn't long before they had to return to Hogwarts: this time, they were joined by a multitude of students who were going back to the school.  
  
He didn't see Harry or Ron.  
  
"What's happened to Ron, may I ask?" Remus turned to her  
  
She snorted. "The Beauxbatons exchange students left yesterday. Dumbledore said that a few of us could go down with them to the coast. Ron was one of them. He should be back in three or four days or so."  
  
"What about Harry?"  
  
"Tch. Quidditch practise."  
  
**Of course**  
  
Hogwarts was much warmer than the outside, although it wasn't exactly cold. Remus shuddred gently at the pleasure from the warmth, said goodby to Hermione and headed for the Great Hall to take his place at the staff table.  
  
Neither Lira nor Sirius were present, but a number of the usual staff - some still looking rather bleary eyed - were seated. Sinistra was talking to Flitwick who would usually talk to Snape. Seeing this, Remus scanned the table swiftly for the Potions Master.  
  
The man had both hands clasped, elbows propped up on the table, chin resting on balled up hands and shoulder length hair drawn over his face. He appeared to be in deep thought.  
  
Knowing that he'd had an opportunity to dig beneath the surface - albeit he hadn't made very much of it, seeing as he had been absolutely pissed - made the man all the more attractive to him. It was the comforting knowledge that Snape was after all human; that his enigma could at least be partly uncovered... it all contributed to the werewolf's keener desire for him.  
  
**Desire...?**  
  
He didn't like to think of it like that, though in truth, desire held a part in the whole charade.  
  
Snape rose his head slowly, staring at the empty wall, black eyes cold and shut off from the outside world as he contemplated whatever he was. He blinked and Remus coloured slightly when the man's gaze landed on him.  
  
**Jesus**  
  
They held eyes for a few moments - Snape's gaze was detatched, Remus' mildly enquiring - before Lupin looked back down at his food.  
  
He noticed that his heart was beating at a quicker pace than was usual.  
  
*  
  
Roger had surprised Severus with his patience. He always told him that he understood; he had been just as hesitant if not more so, with his first serious partner. He had never forced Snape into doing anything that he didn't want to, unlike his experiences with Dumbledore of sex, something that remained connected with sex in Snape's mind ever since his second year.  
  
He had been so gentle towards him: he had showed Severus a new way of getting control of himself. It was his relationship with Roger that prompted him to leave the Death Eaters in the first place: it was the death of the man he so loved that had left him only a little better than he had been before.  
  
The funeral had taken place in November. November the eleventh, five days after Roger's death in a road accident.  
  
As they lowered the coffin into the grave, browned leaves already fallen onto the coffin lid, and as dirt was piled in on top of it, Severus was sure that with his lovers body, a bit of him, too, was buried on that day.  
  
Question was, would it ever arise?  
  
*  
  
They were both as bad as each other.  
  
Continually, throughout the whole course of the meal, Remus could feel his attention drift towards Severus just as Snape's eyes seemed to constantly flicker in his direction.  
  
Despite the complete mess that had been Harry's third year and Remus' most recent teaching experience, he remembered that, even then, he noticed how Snape would distance himself from the ordinary population of Hogwarts, staff and student alike. He was the quiet shadow at the dinner table, sneering at pupils passing through the corridors, seemingly bullying those 'weaker' than him. It made Remus begin to wonder: he seemed such a man of contrasts; usually, the man'd give no sign that much could annoy him, he barely gave any reaction, if not mild disdain. But when he *did* react, it was to such an extreme intensity that it was downright frightening.  
  
**He needs companionship**  
  
Remus carefully chewed his forkful of cheesecake.  
  
**He needs to know that he shares some common ground with someone**  
  
Smiling slightly to himself, Remus began to take up his strawberry cheesecake with more earnest than he'd started off with.  
  
It wouldn't be such a bad thing, he concluded from his cheesecake meditation, if the Order of the Phoenix were to have an amiable meeting, not anything business like or to do much with the war, just a time when they could simply talk to each other.  
  
He began to smile a his own folly: What were the possibilities that Snape would even bother to attend? He would have to find another way of talking to him.  
  
*  
  
"You always say that," Dumbledore murmured, blue eyes shining. "Come here, Severus..."  
  
"I-I don't want to!"  
  
Dumbledore wrapped his arms around the boy's waist.  
  
"No! Please!...."  
  
Severus knew that he'd have to go if one of the teachers told him that Dumbledore wanted to talk to him again. The last time he hadn't, Slytherin had lost quite a few valuable house points: one could imagine the reactory feelings of the Slytherins towards him. Bearing this in mind, maybe if he really struggled, Dumbledore would finally leave him alone.  
  
Dumbledore began to touch him.  
  
"Just stop it!"  
  
"Hush, you always say that--"  
  
"Yes, because..." Snape found his arms flailing, Dumbledore was being so persistent. "Because I don't want--"  
  
"Nonsense!" Dumbledore tightened his grip. Snape felt tears come to his eyes. "Why else would you look at me, the way you do?"  
  
"I don't--"  
  
Dumbledore had succeeded - and this made the student freeze as always - in placing his hand down Severus' trousers.  
  
"Shh... unh... come for me.."  
  
"No! Get off me!"  
  
"Hm... oh yess... unh... touch me *please*--"  
  
"No--"  
  
"Come on..."  
  
"Get off--!"  
  
"Yess..."  
  
"I SAID GET OFF ME!" Severus had managed to trun round and scratch at Dumbledore's face. The man instantly jerked backwards, half stiff penis evident from the folds of his robes. "Get away from me!" He pulled up his robes as they were sliding off his shoulders: between them, they had succeeded in ripping a bit of the seams. "Stay away," he carried on, voice shaking. His scratches were a painfil looking red on Dumbledore's wrinkled skin. "I'm warning you..."  
  
*  
  
It hit Remus - and this only because he really began to think of it - that without Lira and Sirius, there weren't too many others he could talk to. McGonagall would always be Professor McGonagall, and Filius, being of the kindly nature he was, more often than not was talking to some of the other professors.  
  
He thought for a bit more.  
  
Deciding to wander off to the Astronomy Tower - classes wouldn't start for another two hours - he contemplated what tonight's sunset would be like.  
  
Then he realised he was wondering what the *sunset* would be like.  
  
**Good thing no one's around to read my mind**  
  
And it took a huge amount of self-control to top himself from laughing at what he must have sounded like.  
  
*&*  
  
Hmmm.... This will not be updated - again - for a while. Much of the previous chapters have to be edited. Keep an eye out for any more fics, though. 


	15. El Salvador

Remus' experience with the roots are based on my own when helping my mother to chop up plantains. Children, I urge you not to have anything to do with the evil things. They only exist to make cooks feel bad about themselves.  
  
Remember, you are not a Salmon.  
  
*  
  
Chapter 15: El Salvador  
  
Remus carefully made his way to the dungeons. Whatever the weather, the dungeons managed to maintain their cool, brisk air.  
  
The dungeons used for the classes, he knew, would not be the ones that Snape would be in for his own purposes, or that of any other except teaching. The first four that he passed had been locked. He hadn't even bothered to try them anyway: the scent of finished potions was stale, not fresh; lessons had finished some time ago.  
  
Memories of his own potion classes made him shudder slightly. It was unbelieveable - and this had first been said by their teacher. He now wholeheartedly agreed with it - that he could fail so miserably in potions.  
  
Of course, the beginning ones were simple. He quite enjoyed doing them and had been called 'promising' with 'a good attitude' but in his second year, that had all changed.  
  
He sniffed again.  
  
He was getting closer.  
  
Not for the first time, he began to wonder why anyone would want to teach here, where it was so chilly, permanently. Even Snape shouldn't be able to cope with it.  
  
One of the doors to a dungeon was slightly open and from, aromas of freshly brewing potions issued. Hiding a smile, he walked swiftly towards it and looked round.  
  
Snape was standing on one side of a table, wearily chopping up what looked like white carrots with methodical *tak*s on the chopping board. A large cauldron, with it's lid trembling slightly as the potion inside it bubbled, was steaming gently over a medium sized fire.  
  
"You ought to close the doors, properly you know," Remus started. "Someone might be able to see those top secret workings of yours. And you wouldn't want that, now, would you?"  
  
Snape looked at him. With an air of impatience, he strode towards the door. "There's no need to worry, I've already shut it." Remus added cheerily.  
  
Stopping, a look of annoyance on his face, Snape blew some hair out of his face and strode back to the work-surface. He began to chop at the begetable with more spite in his actions than before.  
  
**They haven't done anything wrong!**  
  
"What do you want Lupin?" Snape said quietly, brushing a pile of neatly chopped carrot things to one side.  
  
"Oh... I was wondering if I could help you in any way at all..."  
  
"Really now," he was skinning something now. It wasn't a shrivelfig though.  
  
"Yes... what is that?" The werewolf walked over to stand by Snape's side.  
  
"This? It's some sort of root... it's supposed to clear headaches." He half mumbled his reply.  
  
"What's it called?"  
  
"I don't know! I'm not a Herbologist, ask Sprout! All I know is that it looks like this and it clears away headaches." Snape exhaled tiredly. "Jesus."  
  
"Do you want me to chop something up for you, then?" Remus asked weakly.  
  
Snape paused for a moment of two.  
  
"Very well," he said, "now watch closely, I'll only do this once." Snape slit the skin of the root with a swift, vertical ovement. Gently holding it in his hand, he slid the skinned root out, in a technique similar to how someone would pop out a clam. "Be careful not to bruise or it will stick to the cauldron. It will make the potion lumpy and horrible to drink as well."  
  
"Alright," Remus said, chastised.  
  
Snape clicked his tongue and briskly marched over to a cupboard.  
  
As always, Remus was slower in skinning the roots. When Snape arrived at the table with an armful of crates, Remus had only done four.  
  
"It doesn't matter. So long as they don't bruise," Snape remarked, sounding almost kind.  
  
"Are they expensive?"  
  
"No."  
  
**Oh... right....**  
  
Snape sighed. "It's just that other animals like to eat them and other people dig them up as well, so what starts off as a whole green full of them, ends up, two hours later, as a whole green with two or three measly little things. These roots are fairly common."  
  
"Oh?" Remus finished his fifth one. "What's in those crates?"  
  
"I don't know," was the dry confession. "That's why I've taken them all out." As he unpacked the crates, he nodded at Remus and said, "You keep skinning."  
  
"Yes sir," the werewolf muttered.  
  
He was rewarded with a very dark look.  
  
Remus tried to hide his smile. Snape sighed, again, irritably.  
  
After three more of the roots, Snape stopped him and began to show Remus how to chop them up. He made it look easy. The problem was, the roots were very easy to bruise and chopping them was no easy task.  
  
"No, no!" Snape exclaimed, "here. Chop them up into *thin* slices. The potion can wait. I don't care if we're here until Christmas, just chop them up *thin* otherwise they'll stew and become all sticky in the cauldron." He grabbed hold of the knife and repeated the aforesaid action. This close, Remus could see why the man's hair looked so greasy: the vapours from the potions couldn't have made matters any better for his hair. "There! Now do the next one! Go on!"  
  
Before he could say anything else, Snape whipped the lid off the vibrating cauldron. Several litres worth of potion came spilling over the top. Remus thought that Snape may get annoyed by it, but on the contrary, he didn't.  
  
"It does this," Snape shrugged. "Now carry on chopping."  
  
**Yes sir! Right away sir!**  
  
The man began to stir the potion gently, using a small sieve to catch out any lumps or stewing solid bits of the ingredients.  
  
He was so meticulous with his work, that Remus stood there for a good amount of time, just staring and not doing much chopping  
  
"Are those roots chopped?" He finally said in a low voice, though he didn't look up.  
  
"Erm..." Remus looked down. Much to his surprise, they were. "Yes."  
  
"Bring it all over here... the whole board with all the other things on it." Snape beckoned, still stirring. Remus obeyed. "Now, tilt the board slightly... *slightly* or it will all go in at once... yes... use the knife to make those go in first.... *slowly*... right...." He began to lightly churn the potion with his ladle. "Now those roots.... fine..."  
  
Remus coughed, choking on the thick vapours.  
  
"Turn away, yes? Go over to the cupboard... there's some mineral water over there..."  
  
New respect filled him as he realised how very few people would be able to go on to make the more advanced potions, simply because of the environment you would have to adapt to: the vapour, being hotter than the potion itself, could scald you. If you dropped ingredients, the splashes would burn you, maybe eat at your skin. Just brushing past the cauldron could result in disaster as it overbalanced and potion would gush everywhere. To make matters worse, unlike with Charms and Transfiguration, an accident with an advanced potion - even the less advanced, Remus thought again - would result in mostly unreversable side-effects.  
  
He continued to splutter away, greedily taking down the tangy mineral water.  
  
"Are you alright now, Lupin?" Snape asked.  
  
"Better," he whispered.  
  
"Tch." Snape began to scowl. "Hmm... well, thank you for helping me..."  
  
"You're welcome. How's Rat?" He blinked to clear away the spots in his vision.  
  
"Rat is fine. He's in the library at the moment."  
  
"He can read?"  
  
A small smile appeared on Snape's lips and he shook his head, something like laughter dancing in his black eyes. "No. He's a *rat* Lupin. He just likes to run around people's feet and not get caught."  
  
"What would happen if he did get caught?"  
  
"He'd bite whoever was holding him and I would know... I hope I would, anyway..."  
  
Remus nodded. "I'm fine now. What do we do next?"  
  
"*You* sit down."  
  
"No... I want to--"  
  
"If you do so badly, you will sit down. I won't have myself blamed for the stubborn will of an insubordinate lycanthrope, understood?"  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"And just stop that!" He said, gritting his teeth.  
  
"I'm sorry... alright, I'll stop..." Remus couldn't help grinning.  
  
"It's not *that* funny," Snape growled slowly. He turned away and went back to the potion. It seemed to be a lot calmer now.  
  
Still trying to get his breath, Remus stood against a wall. He was aware of a quiet squeak or two before noticing that Rat was 'standing' before him. "Hello, Rat," Remus smiled wearily at the rodent. "How are we today?"  
  
Rat squeaked.  
  
Remus bent down and extended an arm. Rat willingly scampered along it.  
  
"Severus?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Any chance of a few glazed walnuts...?"  
  
Snape whirled round to him, strode over and grabbed Rat by the tail. Holding him upside down, Snape said, "You will grow *fat* and *slow*. You'll have a heart attack if you keep on stuffing yourself with glazed walnuts."  
  
Rat squeaked, reminiscent of a child backtalking it's mother.  
  
Snape swung him gently. Rat squeaked again. "No, listen to me! The fatter you get, the more likely a cat will get you, you idiotic rat. And you know what cats *do* to fat rats?" Rat squeaked. "Right. So stop--eating--glazed-- walnuts! Have oatmeal instead!"  
  
**Ah yes, I can see it now: Severus Snape, health guru for rats**  
  
Remus let out a snort.  
  
"Go hunt." Snape put Rat onto the floor and watched him scamper up to the chopping board, where he began to lick the vegetable juices.  
  
"How long until the potion is ready?" Remus finally asked.  
  
"Hm? What? Oh.... every ten minutes, on a low heat, I'll go and check on it. The time varies."  
  
There was a silence.  
  
"I could make us some coffee, while we wait..."  
  
"We?"  
  
"Does Rat take coffee too?"  
  
Snape closed his eyes. "He can't. The last time he had a whole coffee bean to himself, he wouldn't stop gnawing and running around the study until morning." He shook his head. "Idiot Rat."  
  
"You love him really..." Remus jibed wickedly.  
  
"Of course I do... I'll be sorry when he's gone..." Snape paused. "I prefer cappucino. There's some there... three teaspoonfuls of sugar, as well please."  
  
"Right away!"  
  
*  
  
It was after a lecture, that Severus decided to go and have a look at the labs. He had to descend several flights of stairs to a cool, air- conditioned area with white tiles on it's walls and pale yellow paster everywhere else.  
  
He nodded at a few familiar faces and some professors he didn't even know, recognised him and greeted him by name.  
  
Lab 44 was directly at the end of a passageway which branched off from a main corridor. He decided to go down there first.  
  
The Lab was just like the rest of the lower floors: lightly coloured and airy. Stepping inside, he heard a small sound, rather like a rusty tap being turned, immediately to his left. At first he ignored it, but when he heard it again, he turned round to see where it was coming from.  
  
A large cage, with three different 'floors' was there. In it, were so many different rats that Severus didn't even try to count them. One of them, poking it's nose out through between the bars, was a light brown with sandy coloured dots over it. It squeaked at him again.  
  
"Oh... Hello..." He bent over to be on the same level as the rat. "What on earth are *you* looking at?"  
  
It squeaked again.  
  
Smiling as much as he dared to, before his face would begin to hurt, Severus ran a finger along it's back. It squeaked again, this time in appreciation.  
  
"Pretty thing..." he murmured absently. The rat continued to squeak, however. "What is it?" he asked softly. "What's the matter with you...?"  
  
Twisting his neck around, something that he'd missed before came into full view: on the varnished worksurface, were large square shaped plates, each with a length of cellophane over it. Beneath the cellophane were dead rats, each cut open with their skin pinned on either side of them, numbered and some of them labelled. Severus blinked then looked back at the rat that was still looking at him.  
  
The other rats were oblivious to him. Stupid things.  
  
"Poor rat," Severus said, his voice calm although his eyes were smouldering. Biting his lip in thought, something occurred to him.  
  
He unclipped the latch and brought the door down. This time, only a few other rats cocked their heads at him. Scowling at them, he reached his hand inside the cage, grabbed hold as gently as he could of the brown one and took it out. With that, he closed the 'door' and held the rat in his hands, smiling again.  
  
"C'mon rat," he said, and placed it in his pocket. "I ought to give you a name now, shouldn't I?"  
  
*  
  
They sat there, in amiable enough silence, sipping cappucinos. Remus was feeling rather pleased with himself: he'd actually managed to work alongside Snape and talk to him without any mishap.  
  
He wondered what Snape was thinking at that moment.  
  
The cauldron bubbled in discontent behind them.  
  
~  
  
You were lucky. I managed to figure this out really soon. Thank you for your reviews, and remember children, bewaaaaaare the plantains of dooooooom!!! 


	16. Grey

Please don't think I'm being rude, but... Arafel! That was one of the longest reviews you've ever given me! *here, the author does a mad little victory dance* lol.  
  
To @_@: Stop that! (lol) It's not that funny!  
  
To Lunatic: Thank you for the review for A True Romance. It was very much appreciated (sounds boring, doesn't it?)  
  
Something else occurred to me: my English is rather odd in this fic. It's as if I tried so hard, I ended up failing miserably. Ah, well... Tell you what, don't tell me how weird my use of English is here, and when I've finished this fic, I'll redo the whole thing. I promise. *coughs*  
  
Another thing to mention: to those of you with experience of sexual abuse - or any, now that I come to think of it - whether as a personal survivor or having the experience of knowing one who has, thank you *very* much for your compliments. I am very pleased that I managed to get many of the effects I have portrayed here, as correct. I wanted this as close to reality as possible because fanfictions that don't explore any other possibilities get on my nerves. When they do - and this is worse - they do so appallingly.  
  
Deep down inside, I love you all. : )  
  
Sorry it has taken me so long to upload a new chapter. I am *tired*, really. Sleeeeeeeeeeeep... But I have at last! Aren't you proud of me? Oh yeah, check out www.matazone.com! It is the coolest and the guy who did it all is British. Ha ha!  
  
*  
  
Chapter 16: Grey  
  
It continued in this vein for two days. Remus would come down to the dungeons, just to see if Snape was there. Between them would pass the usual greetings and phrases, then work would commence. Perhaps of the half- remembered intimacy that they had once shared, Snape wasn't as forbidding as Remus thought he would be. Or maybe, he began to think on the third evening, as he walked downstairs, Snape wasn't that forbidding at all.  
  
Because he usually relied on the distant aroma of a potion brewing, he was very confused when he found that he couldn't smell anything.  
  
"Severus?" He called.  
  
There was a distant sound. Remus followed it.  
  
"Severus?" He called again, but softer. This time, Snape himself came to a doorway just ahead of him, face blank. The man stood there, leaning slightly, gloves of dragon hide on his hands, reaching up to his forearms something like purple goo, slowly dripping from them.  
  
"Oh," Remus said and walked towards him, following the Potions Master into the dungeon.  
  
"Yes?" The man shut the door with his foot and hurried back to a large basin that was filled near the brim with the oozing, purple liquid.  
  
Before he could stop it, a look of mild repulsion appeared on the werewolf's face. "What *is* that?"  
  
"You mean what are those," he was corrected. "There are more than one of them."  
  
Remus was silent.  
  
"It's a variety of mould. Hagrid found a dead Acarantula in the forest a few days ago, and this fungi was already growing on it. He'd never seen any of the like before, so he decided to show it to me. It seems that when it's not on something, it acts much like a liquid."  
  
"A disgusting, wet liquid--"  
  
"Ah. Yes. What do you want now?"  
  
"To see if there's anything I can do to help." The werewolf shrugged.  
  
Snape didn't look up. "There isn't. What are you going to do now?"  
  
Remus thought for a bit. "What's the matter, Severus?" He noted with some puzzlement that Snape flinched when he said his first name.  
  
A pause.  
  
"I'm tired." Snape replied. He took out a small spherical shaped object that was still dripping with the purple goo. With as much delicacy as a butcher, Snape raised a knife and brought it down quickly on the hapless mould. It sliced the cluster of microbes very cleanly.  
  
"Isn't there anything you'll want me to clean?"  
  
"No. Now go away, you're wasting my time."  
  
"You don't mean that do you?"  
  
There was a small clicking sound as Snape straightened his back. He winced slightly. "Of course I don't," he said between gritted teeth. "But if you keep on asking such stupid questions..." The man paused for a bit. "If you go into the cupboard back there, you will find a number of large jars that look as if they have lemon curd in them. Bring them here and I'll show you what I want you to do with them."  
  
"Oh," Remus said, taken aback. "Oh, alright..."  
  
He walked into the cupboard and looked around, his eyes adjusting to the darkness as he scanned the small rectangular area for the said jars. He eventually found them on a medium level shelf; there were, in total, nine large jars that looked as if they had some sort of thick yellow substance inside them.  
  
Finding that he could cradle four at a time if he was careful enough, he went back and forth three times to bring them all onto a student's table in front of Snape who was still forearms deep in purple slime.  
  
"So-- I've got them all now..."  
  
"Good. I can see that. Open one of the jars, now," Remus did so, albeit with some difficulty as the lid was screwed very tightly. "Take a sniff," Remus obeyed: "If it smells tangy and lemony then it's fine until the next test I'll show you... if it smells musty and dried... although still slightly lemony... it's stale. Put that to one side because I still have uses for it."  
  
"Nothing goes to waste, eh?"  
  
"No. Jellymaking takes up a lot of my time and I'm a teacher, not a housewife."  
  
The comparison reminded him of his last teaching experience in Hogwarts, making Remus chuckle. To his surprise, Snape didn't scold or scowl.  
  
He went on sniffing the jars. It turned out that only two of the nine were stale.  
  
At this point, Snape peeled off his gloves with care. Remus noted that he rinsed off one glove thoroughly when it came to removing it with his bare hands. It amazed him how brisk and stern the man could be, to the point of making him seem horrible. In every action, there lay another sign of his cold and dark side to his nature as well as the passionate. He was a very interesting case to study and for some strange reason, Remus just liked watching him.  
  
"Fine. Now, the seven that are left..." Snape had a small bottle that was filled with a pale green liquid. "Smear a minute amount of it onto a piece of cloth. Yes, those ones right there... *minute* I said... " Remus put a little more back into the larger jar. "Tch. Hmm... well, here. I've got a pipette here, take it and press it for a few drops.... drip two drops of the potion onto each smear... good, although, smaller next time... if it turns blue, it's fine, if it turns green.... put that to one side as well."  
  
Following Snape's instructions, Remus found another two that were off.  
  
"Not bad. Now come over here and help me preserve these moulds."  
  
Remus grinned. **Moulds?**  
  
"Moulds?" He asked innocently enough.  
  
"*Fungi* then." Snape muttered something else; something much less complimentary, the werewolf was sure.  
  
He walked round to join the Potions Master. Despite the fact that Snape wasn't as much stone as he had first presumed, he was aware of the fact that the man always seemed to still be uncomfortable. Even more so aware of it was he, when Snape took a few small steps away from him when Remus came round the table.  
  
**Too close for comfort?**  
  
"Get as much of the slime off as possible," the man was saying. "By the sides of the table, there are gallons filled with the preserving agent."  
  
"Right..."  
  
"Measure it out... three-quarters of the medium sized jugs... I'll get the small sieves. Then we can strain the agent through it and pour that into the jars. Make sure there are at least three in each of the jars before I come back. Comprende?"  
  
The werewolf nodded, already carrying out his instructions.  
  
Snape soon returned with the sieves. "Take care. The agent is very strong."  
  
Remus nodded again.  
  
"Now. Here's your sieve... now you can strain the agent." It seemed to Remus that, as a closer inspection confirmed, Snape looked rather strained himself. His movements didn't have the same brisk action behind them and circles of light grey could be seen under his eyes.  
  
Slightly concerned, Remus laid a hand lightly on the other man's shoulder. "Are you--?"  
  
The minute his hand touched Snape's shoulder, Snape jerked away, the half filled jar in his hand flying onto the floor and landing with a ringing smash that echoed throught the dungeon. Even after the sound had disappeared, both men remained, standing, looking dazed at the mess of glass and preserving agent that was on the floor. Remus was the first to recover. When he looked up at Snape, the man was leaning slightly with his hand on the table, sallow face pale and black eyes vacant. The werewolf could sense small tremors running through the man's body.  
  
His eyes closed for a moment or two. They opened with a resigned look in them.  
  
"Do you want me to--?"  
  
"No. I'll clear it up."  
  
"Are you sure.."  
  
"Yes, just let me take care of it," Snape began to walk past him.  
  
Remus began to wonder what he had been thinking of when he reached out for Snape's arm. However, when he did, Snape didn't look at him, although he stopped mid-step. "What's the matter, Severus?" He murmured.  
  
The reply was barely audible. Realising that he wouldn't say anything unless he let him go, Remus released Snape's arm and watched him go into the cupboard for something to clear up the mess.  
  
*  
  
He couldn't help but loathe them.  
  
It was all so obvious. They were Dumbledore's golden boys, far better than he could ever be. It wasn't the way it was with Lucius; Severus knew for sure that Dumbledore had never touched the Malfoy or had anything to do with him in that sense. Yet, with the talented Messrs Potter, Black, Lupin - oh yes, and Pettigrew - it hurt to him to admit to himself that as much as he hated Dumbledore, jealousy of the famous four tore at his heart whenever he thought about them. It was the fact that they could please everyone, especially Dumbledore, in ways that he couldn't.  
  
They all had loving parents and loving families and were just *so* incredibly gifted and talented and clever! It made him sick. They quite literally had it all.  
  
"I'm here to see Mrs. Snape, please," he said in the usual neutral tone to the girl at the desk.  
  
"Family?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Severus didn't pay any attention to the process that was always carried out whenever he got here. He just waited for the 'pass'.  
  
"Here you go. You know where it is, right?"  
  
"Yes." He walked away. "Thank you."  
  
But the girl didn't hear him.  
  
Getting into the lift - alongside a very gothic looking couple - he became more and more aware of the out-of-body sensation that had begun to preoccupy his feelings as the lift went up. He was getting tired of it.  
  
The lift doors opened.  
  
He walked down the corridor, shivering slightly underneath the air- conditioning. Despite the fact that he knew what and where the ward was, he kept on glancing at each door he passed, just in case.  
  
Ward #45's door was closed, but the light inside was on.  
  
He knocked, other hand on the handle, already pressing it down, ready to push it open.  
  
"Yes?" Said his mother's voice.  
  
Severus went into the ward, closing the door gently behind him. From where he was now, he couldn't see his mother. He walked forward a bit and glanced to his right; there, on a bed with pristine white sheets, was a thin and drained Tessa Snape. When she saw him, she attempted to prop herself up on the numerous pillows behind her, and smiled thinly at her eldest son.  
  
"Hello, love," she said, her voice strained.  
  
At that moment, it seemed as if all feelings of emotional detatchment evaporated and he literally ran to her and flung his arms around her neck. "Oh, dear," he heard her whisper, laughter in her voice. "Is it that bad?"  
  
He kissed her on the cheek.  
  
"How are you?" He asked, realising that the worry must show on his face.  
  
"I'm fine, Severus. Really... just a bit tired, that's all..." she coughed. "They're getting me ready for my chaemo, you see. Deus," she coughed again.  
  
Severus winced. She saw it, and hurriedly said, "oh, sweetling, don't get like that. I swear it's not as bad as it seems..."  
  
Looking at her, Severus realised what was so different; she had a glowing quality to her now: her skin was transulcent, smooth, but frail. Her eyes seemed larger, darker and more sensitive. Her hair was lighter. Everything about his mother seemed so much more ... white.... and frail. Absently, he stroked some impertinent curls from her face. She smiled fondly.  
  
"Why didn't you want to come with the others?" She asked quietly. "Surely you could have done something else today that wouldn't depress your holidays, hm?"  
  
"I didn't feel like coming with them," he shrugged.  
  
"You're getting your Grandparents very worried, you know."  
  
"And *you're* getting *me* worried," he shot back, voice gentle all the same.  
  
His mother coughed.  
  
"Who gave you those?" He asked, nodding in the direction of a large, summer bouquet. "They're rather different."  
  
"Oh. Paul... Paul Grey, you remember... your father's friend... used to play backgammon with you all the time."  
  
Severus didn't remember, but nodded all the same.  
  
Sighing quietly, Tessa Snape looked down at her clasped hands. She hated to think that her eldest son was unhappy because of her. To her, it seemed too much like another failure. Grandfather Cohen had spoken to her about how withdrawn and quiet her son had become. He kept away from most people and avoided physical contact with them. Was he getting bullied at school and she didn't know about it? Of course she wouldn't know... he wouldn't tell her...  
  
...Not even unless she asked him.  
  
"Are you sure school is going alright for you?" She asked, eyes burning directly into her son's. One of her pale, skeletal hands lay against his own. She squeezed gently, noting the somehow guilty look in his eyes.  
  
"I'm sure," he said.  
  
Well, what else could he say? He couldn't tell her how on the very day he'd discovered that his mother was dying from cancer, he'd also discovered that one of his classmates was a werewolf. How would she understand that the feud between himself and the terribly bright, infamous Marauders was beginning to depress him? Would she know how he felt about the guilt and self-loathing whenever Dumbledore touched him or Lucius would give another speech on the filth that were Muggles and Mudbloods?  
  
"That's what you always say," she muttered darkly and looked towards the window, away from Severus. A weight tugged further at her heart; she hadn't meant to sound so harsh.  
  
To Severus, however, he thought that he'd upset her again. As he seemed to do with everybody. To his disgust, the tearducts in the corner of his eyes were beginning to activate.  
  
"Oh, Severus," she whispered, turning to him suddenly and catching him in a warm embrace. She rocked him slightly and noticed with some feeling that Severus quite literally clung to her as if she were slipping away, which, in truth, she knew she was. "I love you so, so much..." she sniffed into his shoulder and continued to rock him while he continued to clutch her to himself. "I love you..."  
  
"I love you too..." he murmured. "I do..."  
  
"Really?"  
  
Both of them were surprised to hear him sniff.  
  
"Mm-Hm..."  
  
She kissed his forehead. "Do something for me, sweetling..."  
  
"What?" His voice was muffled.  
  
"Talk to your Grandparents..." They both broke away from the hug. "They're worried that they've done something wrong." Tessa found herself startled as her son gave her an impenetrable gaze with those black eyes of his. "Love...?"  
  
He kissed her again on the cheek.  
  
"Shall I bring you some biscuits next time I come?" He asked, as if she hadn't made the request she just had.  
  
"Severus..."  
  
"Mm?"  
  
She gave him a weary look. "Alright," she sighed. "And your Grandmother's Soul cakes, too."  
  
*  
  
"I'm sorry if I startled you," Remus said quietly, as Severus got up with a sodden rag. "I get a little clumsy at times."  
  
Snape gave a slight nod, but didn't respond apart from that.  
  
"Are you alright?" He ventured.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
Remus knew that he himself didn't look fine. It became most obvious when finally Snape turned round to him rather abruptly and said, "what *is* the matter with you, Lupin?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"No, don't give me that wonderfully blank look of yours. I'm sick of it. You've been watching me," he said through gritted teeth. "You've been watching me for some time now... what exactly do you want?"  
  
**Oh dear, hurricane coming through**  
  
Remus found that for some strange reason, he couldn't respond. His throat was too dry.  
  
"Lupin?" Snape snapped, black eyes sharp.  
  
The werewolf cleared his throat. "Yes?"  
  
For the next few moments, there was a silence between the two men that in itself seemed more of a silent war than anything. Remus held Snape's gaze which remained harsh and irritated.  
  
"Lupin."  
  
"Severus."  
  
The Potions Master was biting his tongue, jaw clenched, struggling not to lose control. He let out a trembling breath before turning back to the worksurface.  
  
Remus did likewise.  
  
~  
  
Now *that* was a long chapter. Thank you, as always, for the reviews! 


	17. Of Cabbages and Kings

Alright, I know this is must be a blasphemy of sorts, but *deep breath*... I've never even heard of Andrew Vachss or Burke. Well, maybe Burke in the newspaper - perfect for a tabloid style corny pun - if I really thought hard about it, but .... no.... I had to go on a search on Yahoo to get information about him, can you believe it.  
  
Thank you very much for the reviews. I was actually terrified that I may be getting too mushy, much too soon, but sixteen chapters in, isn't too bad, right? Right? *sighs*. I actually almost lost the plot with this chapter, delving into some other rich fantasy that has practically nothing to do with my chosen plot that I had to write out before-hand.  
  
Damn.  
  
Erm... What shall I start with today? hm... Alright. Flashback first. Maybe more than one. Yadayadayada.  
  
Warning: this chapter might not be as good. It took me a lot of... energy to write it.  
  
*  
  
Chapter 17: Of Cabbages and Kings.  
  
"Jona..."  
  
That was Eleni's voice. "Jona," she repeated, voice a bit firmer this time. "Wake up."  
  
Severus looked round the door, barely causing it to move. It didn't creak.  
  
"Severus," Eleni looked up at her first younger brother desperately. "Oh, Severus help me get this slug up."  
  
It wasn't reluctantly as such that he moved forwards, but it definitely was slowly. The best way to describe it was that it was as if he were in some sort of a trance, eyes not seeing wholly. Eleni felt her patience begin to thin. Why was Severus acting so damn odd?  
  
"Oh, for goodness sake, *please* Severus," she groaned, shaking Jona a little harder.  
  
Jona's eyelids flickered.  
  
"He's awake now."  
  
Eleni exhaled. "So?"  
  
"Well, you don't need me to help you now, do you?"  
  
"You wouldn't have helped anyway!" She snapped, heart cold as stone, frustrated with despair, anxiety and weariness as she heaved her youngest brother up onto her hip. "Fuck you, Severus." She muttered. When he let her push past him, she felt herself lose control. "What is WRONG with you?" Reaching for the door handle, still slightly bent underneath Jona's weight, she turned her neck to face him and spat out, "I've *had* it with you! Okay? I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU!"  
  
Her shouts brought Grandfather Snape up the stairs. When he stood there, just a bit behind the doorway, he looked in surprise at his Granddaughter - for she was not one to shout - whilst Eleni wore a look of complete defiance.  
  
"What is going on?" Grandfather Snape asked, eyes already smouldering. He got worried very easily.  
  
"Nothing," Eleni muttered viciously. "Nothing at all."  
  
Grandfather Snape said nothing to her, but merely looked over to Severus, who was still facing the unkempt bed, head down.  
  
"Severus?"  
  
There was no reply.  
  
"Severus!"  
  
Finally, Severus twisted his head round and looked up. His eyes met his Grandfather's for only the briefest of moments.  
  
Eleni hurled the darkest, nastiest, vicious and angry look she could muster at Severus and stormed out, pushing past her Grandfather who bent his shoulder for the impact to be less. He kept his eyes on his Grandson, however.  
  
After a few more moments of silence, he gently closed the door.  
  
*  
  
Sirius was pacing his room, Lira sitting in a nearby chair, hands folded and head lowered. She was twiddling her thumbs.  
  
At first, Remus was slightly confused, but then it came to him.  
  
"Oh," he said. Lira looked up suddenly. "Gods... when are you going?"  
  
Sirius glanced at his watch. "Three hours."  
  
Something dropped within Lupin's heart: he had been so wound up with Severus, he had almost forgotten that he wasn't really here on a holiday. He had forgotten that there might be something else going on apart from whatever it was that he shared with Snape.  
  
He looked to Lira. When their eyes met, she gave him a thin, watery smile.  
  
"I'm sorry..."  
  
Sirius gave an odd laugh. "For what? Believe me, Remus. I'm just... slightly... shaken, that's all..."  
  
Remus was silent. Then, "could you tell me where you're going?"  
  
He saw Sirius glance at his wife. Lira nodded, eyes pensieve. The man sighed deeply before anwering, "Azkaban."  
  
*That* hadn't been expected.  
  
"Why is he making you go back?"  
  
Sirius started. "He's not making me go back as such... It's just to place the fifth Link." He drew a hand through his hair.  
  
Lira drew herself up. "And Dumbledore is enforcing a few extra precautions... a more powerful Portkey, for one thing, so that even in Azkaban, Sirius can escape easily. He'll in Animagi form mainly, so it'll be more difficult for the Dementors to be able to sense him."  
  
"I''ll have a fair few wards, as well," Sirius added. "Keep 'em away from me for a bit, at any rate."  
  
**Did he put any of these precautions for Severus?**  
  
But he didn't say that out loud. Instead, he murmured, "well, that's something."  
  
Sirius attempted a half-smile. Lira absently stroked the slight - but growing - bulge on her stomach.  
  
"Are you sure you're all right, Remus?" Sirius asked quietly. "You've been really ... well, you've seemed to be uneasy with something... and you haven't been talking much..."  
  
"I dunno, Sirius," Lupin shook his head. "I'm a bit tired... it's as if everything is leaving me confused." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Things are moving too fast, Padfoot.... I don't know if I can keep up with it for much longer..."  
  
"Remus--"  
  
"No, Sirius." Lupin gave a small smile, hand on the door handle. "I'll have to sort this out by myself."  
  
He walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind him. For a few minutes, he stood, back to the wall, leaning against it with his eyes closed and breath slow and steady. It was true, and he was surprised to have heard his own voice say what had been subconsciously lying at the back of his head: he didn't know where he stood anymore.  
  
Take Severus. Whatever it was, it had something to do with Dumbledore. Remus just got the feeling that Snape would prefer Dumbledore to leave if ever they were in the same room, or even better, if he didn't exist whatsoever. It was the underlying bitterness to his dark, low voiced "Yes Headmaster"'s, the fathomless gaze and carefully blank, coldly detatched mask that he continually wore on his face, that came flooding back to Remus right there, as he stood, leaning against the wall.  
  
And... he *cared* about the man. It wasn't so unusual for someone with a heart like Remus', but he tended to care about those that had a side to them that one could care about.  
  
Snape never showed any side that one could care about. But... he had one. Even if it were a very small side.  
  
He had come so close to understanding Professor Severus Snape. It had turned out to be a damn sight more easier than he'd thought at first.  
  
Severus.  
  
A brief smile crept up on the werewolf's face. He hadn't realised that just admitting his weakness would be so relieving. Or that he cared for someone like Severus. And for Sirius, who had, in his way, given Remus more of a reason to despise him than anyone.  
  
He also cared for Dumbledore, for the man who had seen to his education when no other teacher would; for the man who had given him a job when no one else would; for the man who evidently cared for *him* personally.  
  
**Oh dear, I'm going to go through a whole list now...**  
  
Remus went on a search for McGonagall, the Head of the Gryffindor House being less elusive than her Slytherin counterpart.  
  
He found her walking along a corridor near the Astronomy Tower, having just come out from teaching a class.  
  
"Er... Minerva?" He asked, attemtping a smile to banish the penseive mist in his eyes. She turned to him, a smile readying itself upon her slightly wrinkled face. "Sorry... I was just wondering... where is Severus' office?"  
  
"His office? Dear me, no one's asked me *that* before," she chuckled. "I'll give you a little map... It's very difficult to point out, you see."  
  
He nodded and watched as McGonagall placed the tip of her wand to a quill and then in turn, sucked onto the feathered end and drew on a conjured up piece of parchment. She began to draw. "Hang on..." she muttered. "Yes... along here... right..." She handed the parchment to Remus. "Here you go, finished... just follow the red dots."  
  
"Thank you," he nodded.  
  
"That's alright... goodness' knows it would do well for you to talk to him."  
  
"Why?" He asked, wondering why McGonagall had made such a remark.  
  
She shrugged. "When you get to my age, you realise that everyone likes company. Whether for the same purposes or not." She gave a weary grin. "Though most people expect that sort of thing from Dumbledore and not their tight-lipped Scottish Transfiguration teacher." Straightening her robes, she gave another charming smile, accompanied by a kind glint in her eyes, before setting off down the hallway, arms loaded with books.  
  
Remus watched her until she opened a door and disappeared through it, then he looked back at the map and began to make his way to Severus' office.  
  
*  
  
He'd never taught in his life before. Not to students this young, at any rate. Now he was asking himself why he'd ever come here in the first place. He needed a decent place to stay, that was true, but he hadn't thought he was *this* desparate.  
  
He sighed.  
  
Opening the door to the dungeon where he would now be teaching very slowly, he took a careful look at the now quiet multitude of students. No, not multitude. There were.... around 60 of them. If he hadn't ben so curious about his new charges, he would have registered with some amusement, that the looks on their faces were suitably stunned. A few were puzzled. But most were stunned.  
  
He walked up to the front of the classroom. It wasn't the one in which he had been taught, for one thing, but the layout of the desks and chairs and cauldrons were the same. Almost.  
  
Letting a breath escape from him, he turned round, arms crossed, his gaze judging yet distanced.  
  
"I am Professor Snape," he started, aware that this speech would be none too awe-inspiring. "I'm here to teach you Potions as you may well have guessed." Something like a grimace played upon his lips. "Yes, I know; a disaster waiting to happen. But who knows. You might be the sort of class who can actually make Potions. I understand if it's any consolation that there aren't many who are even averagely decent at attempting to *make* a potion," memories of Black and Potter passed before his eyes and his lips twisted cruelly, "as talented as no doubt you are in the flashy performances that you call... ah, *Transfiguration* for one."  
  
It was now that he took in the expressions on their faces. None were bored, which was more than he could say for his own first potions class in Hogwarts.  
  
"We'll be starting with a simple potion." He said, summoning some chalk and using it to write the ingredients on the board. "Reduces common rashes. A pair to a cauldron please."  
  
Now Snape was beginning to get a little suspicious. These were first-years and yet there was none of the usual excited murmuring that passed between new made friends. He got the feeling that either they were too nervous or that they were planning something.  
  
Cauldron fires were lit; he watched the students as they began to chop up the ingredients, always feeling slightly queasy at the sight of so many hands working away dilligently.  
  
Gripping his emotions tightly, he managed to gain a sort of control over the impulse that he had to turn away and leave. Or maybe start crying. He'd never cried yet. But Fate was known to like a joke or two at his expense.  
  
"Chop them *finely*," he said tersely to one student. "They will stew otherwise. Unless you prefer spending some time after class with a nice sieve."  
  
The boy gulped.  
  
**Honestly**  
  
There was - Severus had concluded over past experience - always one student that just *had* to mess up. *Always*.  
  
And yet, with this his first class, it was almost too good to be true.  
  
They were following the instructions well and as precisely as their ability allowed them to. He was mildly impressed. Maybe some things had changed since he'd left. At least the girls didn't giggle. Gods, he gritted his teeth. He would have force-fed the first girl who giggled poison. A slow- working one. *Very* slow.  
  
There had to be *something* that would go wrong.  
  
**Any moment now...**  
  
By the end of the lesson, there were 30-odd concoctions, each steaming away nicely in flasks, one between a pair. His students were standing nervously behind their desks, it was true, as he went round inspecting them and testing some out occassionally, but aside from that, they were mannerly, organised--  
  
**No...**  
  
--yes, and rather tidy.  
  
**Good Lord**  
  
His first lesson had been a success.  
  
*  
  
"Severus?" Lupin knocked. When there was no answer, he knocked again. "Severus?"  
  
-He's not here-  
  
Lupin stopped in his tracks. Who had said that?  
  
"W-where is he then?"  
  
-I'll take you. He'd like it if you were with him-  
  
"Would he now?" Remus said softly, carefully scanning the hallway for any sign of anyone. "And how would you know?"  
  
-Well, he wouldn't mind. He's gotten used to you. But you were a bit foolish yesterday-  
  
"Where are you?"  
  
-On the floor, you moon-dog.- Remus looked down and saw that at his feet, was a bright eyed Rat. -Finally. Now pick me up. I want to see.-  
  
"How was I foolish yesterday?" The werewolf gently brought Rat up onto his shoulder.  
  
-Tch.-  
  
"Be like that, then," Remus said amiably. "Now, where is he?"  
  
-Very well, I will. Let me guide you.-  
  
Lupin shook his head and sighed, obediently following Rat's instructions down staircases and through passageways in the walls. After the first two flights of stairs, Rat had the foresight to hide in Remus' pocket.  
  
"Are we there?"  
  
-Yes-  
  
Remus looked around. They were in the large passageway that connected to the Great Hall. It was empty.  
  
"Then where is he?"  
  
-He'll be here-  
  
And indeed, coming round a corner was Severus Snape, huddled in his robes as if so very cold, a dark grey bag with the shoulder strap hanging vertically off one shoulder. On seeing Remus - and Rat who had poked his little face through the pocket he had gone to conceal himself in - Severus frowned slightly but continued to walk over to them.  
  
"What are you doing here?" He said, in a voice that most people would take to indicate that he was cross.  
  
"Rat said that you wouldn't mind my company." Remus smiled. "Was he right?"  
  
Having spent enough time with the man, Remus could tell that there was an internal battle of wills within Severus: whether he should trust Remus enough to be accompanied by him, or not.  
  
"If you want." Was the non-committal reply.  
  
Rat scampered along to Snape's hand and from there, he ran into a pocket.  
  
"What was wrong with mine, may I ask?" Lupin enquired as they walked down the pathway to Hogsmeade.  
  
-Nothing. But he's always got walnuts. You don't- something that could only be the sound of Rat laughing followed.  
  
Severus 'Tch'ed sourly.  
  
"You spoil him, you know," Remus said grimly as they walked out through the grounds. "Where are we going?"  
  
"The local apothecary. They have an order for me."  
  
"Ah. Of what, may I ask? Just some more potion ingredients?"  
  
"It's nothing to do with you."  
  
"Oh alright," Remus shrugged, feigning indifference. "If you say so."  
  
"I do."  
  
Whilst they walked down to Hogsmeade, they were silent. But it seemed to be more of a thoughtful silence on both sides rather than an awkward, sullen or downright nasty. Remus didn't realise until they reached the village, that he felt an odd sort of relaxed sensation whenever he was around Severus. Even when being chastised by him whilst chopping roots the wrong way or being cautioned for the twelfth time over the danger of splattering amythest dust. Being in Snape's trust seemed far more valuable than anything else, in a way. Making him relatively happy went along with that too.  
  
It was odd how he could possibly enjoy being in the company of someone as apparently nasty as Snape. In a way, it was partly that which attracted Remus to him.  
  
One inside the apothecary's, Snape left Remus to look around the small shop - which he had done recently before, so instead was just standing looking around interestedly - and went up to the counter. He exchanged a few words with the apothecary and waited patiently for his package to come back from the stores.  
  
"There's nothing so particularly interesting," Snape mumured to Remus. "If you've been here once, you know what to expect the next time you come. Fascinating as the variety is, they don't add anything more."  
  
The apothecary made his way, staggering slightly underneath the weight of the package. Cooly, Snape retrieved it and placed it within his shoulder bag. "Thank you," he said firmly.  
  
They made their way out. It was only then that Remus realised that there were none of the usual groups of students that could be seen, out. Finally, it dawned on him that of course; they were still at lessons.  
  
"Do you have any more lessons to teach today?" Remus asked as they ambled along.  
  
"Mm. Last lesson, single."  
  
Something in him made Lupin want to kiss Snape on the cheek. It was odd, when he was young, filled with pre-conceived ideas of beauty and the whole kaboodle, he was - even with his belief that Snape was gay - continually disdainful towards him. He couldn't help it. Though with Sirius, it was the fact that Snape always remained so haughty and cool and with James, it was how everything that came out of the boy's mouth was sarcasm, Remus only ever joined in their merciless onslaughts was because he found Snape.... almost as a destroyer of his own visions of beauty.  
  
Now, however, older and having seen more of the world, he was slightly amazed to find that he did indeed find Snape attractive in the first place.  
  
"Do you want me to help you sort that out?" Lupin asked, indicating towards the package.  
  
"Tch." Snape sighed. "Yes, of course."  
  
"'Of course'?"  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow at him, maybe something like embarrassment in those fathomless eyes. "Don't you usually? I thought this would be one of those occasions."  
  
"You needn't worry," Remus replied, a bit of a smile on his face as he looked straight ahead.  
  
Snape gave him a look that spoke of immense dislike and distrust.  
  
Remus laughed.  
  
~  
  
It wasn't potion ingredients as Remus first thought, that were wrapped up in the brown packaging. Instead, gleamingly new books, six of them, each thick, bound in shining, beaded dragon-hide with silver inlay, were taken from it. Remus heard Rat sniff.  
  
-Big lizard skin- he remarked. -Really, you-  
  
Just as Snape only ever called his rat Rat, Rat only ever referred to Snape as either 'you or 'him'. From what he understood of rats in general, it came as no real surprise to Remus; it was part of their nature.  
  
Perhaps it was simply because they were alone in the dungeons with nothing else to pay attention to, other than each other, but it seemed to the werewolf that if he even stood near Snape, a strange sensation would fill him. He felt the increasing desire to look at Snape's face, more keenly and realised he was getting slightly jumpy whenever even the merest of touches passed between them.  
  
"What's in these books?" Remus asked as the last had been taken from it's coverings.  
  
"Some of my father's workings."  
  
"*Your* fath--?"  
  
Snape nodded.  
  
"My older sister Eleni," he started, "along with my remaining grandparents, managed to persuade Jona's wife to give the books back to me."  
  
"Jona?"  
  
"My younger brother."  
  
Oh yes, Remus found the image of the 'Last Family Photo' reappear in his mind. "Oh. So, why did she eventually let in?"  
  
"Our dear Miriam is a stickler for tradition," Snape smirked rather unkindly. "The minute Eleni reminded her that as the elder son, *I* should be the one getting all the books, she handed them over. Without a moment's hesitation, it seems."  
  
A few cogs in Remus' brain began to squeak. "Are you Jewish?"  
  
Snape looked at him. Finally, he said, "Yes."  
  
"I never knew."  
  
"You never asked."  
  
Remus leant forward, unaware of how close he was getting until Snape back off slightly. "May I?" The werewolf asked, reaching for a green volumn.  
  
"O-of course..." Snape replied, a small tremor distinct in his voice.  
  
Regarding him carefully, Remus flicked through the parchment pages as gently as possible. Now he could see that they were not new, but simply in very good condition.  
  
The one he was flicking through was about Kappas, their habitats and customs. "I never knew a wizard could get so in-depth--"  
  
"Before he married," Snape said slowly, "he travelled a lot. He still did for a bit afterwards, as well. He once brought me back a bag of fortune- telling bones and stones, used by the traditional healers in central Africa. Another time, there was a bracelet made from vampire's teeth... and an Ankh from the pyramids... My mother used to go with him, sometimes...."  
  
**Wow**  
  
Snape read the look on Remus' face correctly, but frowned and said, "it's nothing much. He didn't get the chance to study in schools, so he travelled a lot instead. I'm surprised he ever got married."  
  
Lupin smiled. Whenever Snape spoke in long sentences, he still got slightly taken aback.  
  
Eventually, the two left, not before having ordered some coffee and biscuits to be delivered to Snape's office. They arrived in the dark room, that although being dark, was rather warm and comfortable in a depressed, gothic sort of way.  
  
They sat and began to read their separate books. The house-elf that came in was barely noticed by either of the men.  
  
Remus found his tome fascinating: the depth which Samuel Snape went into when discussing Kappa culture, their language, their habitats, was amazing. He spoke of them as if they were his fellow humans, only from a more distant culture; Samuel had a way of comparing the two worlds with that of other creatures and each other, most intelligently. He was clear and concise, going into just the right amount of detail without making the reading too strenuous.  
  
"May I take this?" Remus finally asked.  
  
"Hm?" Snape got up with the tray and carried it over to the larger table. Remus got up as well.  
  
"I asked if I could borrow this," he repeated.  
  
"Oh... oh yes, of course you can. I can't read two at the same time."  
  
There was little space between them now. Odd how these realisations would seem to continually dawn on him, Remus thought sardonically.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Snape shrugged, looking up into Remus' eyes for the first time, with no judgement of anger. It sent shivers down Remus' spine. It quite literally took his breath away.  
  
"Severus."  
  
"Remus."  
  
Lupin tried to subdue his grin. Awkwardly, he leaned forward and before he knew it, had planted his lips upon Snape's.  
  
For a while, it seemed that Snape was too shocked to respond. "Mmf!" Finally issued from his mouth and he pushed Remus away. Now, he was shaking, but it didn't seem like fury. It was shock. Horror? Teeth clenched, Snape crossed his arms over his chest in the defensive stance Remus had seen so often. "Don't you ever...--"  
  
"I'm sorry," Remus whispered. "Really, I-I'm sorry.... I didn't mean to..."  
  
Snape merely gave hima penetrating gaze, still shaking, then looked away, turning his back.  
  
Remus did likewise and walked out of the office.  
  
~@~  
  
Now, then. Did I do that bit okay? 


	18. The Fasting

A Jewish Snape... I've done three fics so far - including this one - with him being Jewish... I am writing another - 'A True Romance' - with him as Portugese. I think I like Jewish Snape best. Probably because I love the culture so much. When I was young, I used to be really depressed because my mother wasn't Jewish which meant that I couldn't be. So I tried to stock up on Jewish culture... but that didn't work because I only got the *really* old bits of Hebrew... not *Hebrew* as such, either... just one of the many ancient ancient languages they would have spoken... I know how to say 'little sister'... 'Ahatti'...  
  
Sorry, I'm rambling again.  
  
Christ, was the last chapter long. I'm amazed at it's length, the longest one I've ever put up so far. Doubt any of us will ever see the like of it again.  
  
Aaaaaaaaaaaand, can you believe it! I've gotten past the CENTURY mark! 106 reviews! No.. wait... 109! Dammit, no... 112.. oh forget it... (lol) Thank you all! It really does mean so much to me!  
  
So, therefore, I will dedicate this chapter which is going to be VERY special, to the following:  
  
Arafel,  
  
Lunatic,  
  
zippy zany,  
  
dovielr,  
  
madee,  
  
@_@,  
  
Piri Lupin-Snape,  
  
Kouryou Sanomi,  
  
frizzy,  
  
Snape coolgirl,  
  
Vulcaine 7,  
  
Yuta - who doesn't really review as much, but reads and checks up on me every week *sniffs* -  
  
and, of course, to Ivory Tower.  
  
To all you others, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! I know I'm sounding all Oscar winner-ish, but, it really is much appreciated.  
  
Another point to make. Rat doesn't actually talk as in, opens his mouth and out come words. It's more of a mental thing. Seriously, I've seen people who talk to their pets this way and they are NOT crazy *breathes* and their pets seem far more intelligent than your standard animal. I've tried it with cats, too. But not with rats. Funnily enough, I've never actually seen a rat. Dammit.  
  
Saw a dead one, though, on the road. *Huge* I think it was a sewer rat. But Rat is your average lab rat. Rather small.  
  
Ok... *deep breath*  
  
*  
  
Chapter 18: The Fasting  
  
It wasn't the fact that he had kissed Snape, that made him miserable. That would have been just plain ridiculous. Neither was it the fact that Snape had pushed him away. He wasn't really that sort of person.  
  
What made him miserable was that now he could quite literally sense the wall that Snape had now built up around himself.  
  
And he had been the cause for it.  
  
No amount of glances could even begin to tear it down: Snape wasn't even paying any attention to the outside world. Remus noticed, however, that if really pressed, he would snap back aggressively. It saddened him to think that he had only made matters worse.  
  
**What was it they say? Things get worse before they get better?**  
  
For most of the day, Remus had journeyed out to London with a relatively cheerful Lira, shopping for various articles of clothing for her and unisex basics for the coming baby (she had somehow managed to get him to let her buy a few bits and pieces for him as well).  
  
They ended up having lunch at Starbucks, that is, if you could call several slices of cheesecake, three muffins and two glasses of Frappacino, lunch.  
  
As they returned to Hogwarts, neither spoke much, but words weren't necessary: their silence spoke measures to each other. Remus knew just how worried Lira was and how the beginnings of depression were filtering their way through (a state not good for any pregnant woman) and Lira knew that something - although, what, she wasn't sure of - was bothering her husband's best-friend.  
  
"Sirius is getting really worried over you," she said at one point, voice gentle.  
  
"I know," he replied. "And I'm sorry... but things are getting a little... tense for me right now."  
  
"What things?" She asked.  
  
He shook his head. "It doesn't matter."  
  
"Yes it does. I swear, I won't tell Sirius if that's what you're worried about," her eyes were filled with a sudden, desparate glint. "Really, I won't. But it matters to me because you're his best friend... you're the only one he's got left, and I need to reassure him somewhat..."  
  
"It's nothing to do with him--"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Remus was silent. "I'm just... worried about someone."  
  
Lira leaned back in her seat. "Ah... well, I certainly won't betray your trust, in that case. You don't have to tell me."  
  
"Actually," Remus started again, eyes grim. "It might do well if I did."  
  
She looked at him, but he didn't notice it.  
  
A strange, thoughtful silence came up again. Lira was looking at the man with a darkly wondering look, the sort she wore when exceedingly curious but trying to conceal it.  
  
"It's Severus." Lira raised an eyebrow. "No," he added quickly. "No, not like that. You'll have to believe me when I say that it was completely unintentional. Just a random one-night stand... we were both incredibly drunk, I'm sure you'll be able to recall."  
  
"Yes," she began to smile.  
  
"Ever since then ... we've developed a... a friendship of sorts..."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Hmmm..." he paused for a bit before shrugging slightly. "But recently..."  
  
Lira gave him another speculative look. "Are you attracted to him at all?"  
  
He looked up at her sharply, and it was her turn to shrug. "I was just wondering. Sirius told me that you were gay. At first, he even thought that someone had broken your heart or something." Here, Remus couldn't help but chuckle. "Oh, don't laugh. He's worried for you, that's all."  
  
"I know, it's just... I can't... quite picture Sirius saying something like that."  
  
Lira grinned. "I know. I sat there laughing for a good ten minutes myself when he first said it."  
  
"Hypocrite."  
  
"Yes, well..." She sighed. "So are you attracted to him? He does seem like the sort you'd be interested in."  
  
"Why, what sort do you think I'm into?"  
  
Lira shrugged again. "Someone quiet, mildly sarcastic... doesn't butt into things and isn't impulsive. Someone in control."  
  
Remembering the Shrieking Shack incident, Remus snorted. "I'd hardly say that he's in control."  
  
"Well.... has the appearance of being in control, then." She fiddled with her wedding ring.  
  
After some time, he said, "Yes... I think I am attracted to him."  
  
"You *think*?"  
  
He gave a seemingly irritable sigh. "Fine. I *am* attracted to him."  
  
She grinned wearily. "That's better." She gave a cough, then went on, "So, what did he do?"  
  
"It's more like what did *I* do," he sighed again and leaned back against the padded back of his seat. "I kissed him."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"And he didn't seem to like it."  
  
"Imagine that." He gave her a sharp look and she in return gave an apologetic one. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh. Why don't you think he liked it?"  
  
"He pushed me away." Lira was silent. "It wasn't just that, either. He always seemed to distance himself whenever he felt we were getting too close. McGonagall says that he does that to everyone these days. I doubt he's ever done it to you, though."  
  
"No," she admitted. "But he I've noticed that he *is* quiet and he separates himself from everybody."  
  
There was another long pause.  
  
"Is he gay?" She asked, finally.  
  
"I'm not really sure... I think so..."  
  
"How can you be sure, then?"  
  
He shrugged. "There was something that happened between us in school. Me, Sirius and James, Peter and him. The usual swapping of insults."  
  
"Ah." She stopped. Lira had a very quick mind. "But his reaction could have been the same as Sirius' if anyone ever called *him* gay."  
  
"I doubt," Lupin said. "Someone did, once, but he just laughed it off and twisted the insult around back to the poor kid who'd given it to him."  
  
"I see."  
  
"And someone like Snape... if he were straight, he would have sorted that out after the one-night stand, wouldn't he?"  
  
"I suppose..."  
  
"Lira..."  
  
"Hey! I wouldn't know!"  
  
They got out of the carriage and walked down the pathway.  
  
Remus had barely noticed that they had walked through the entrance hall and were now progressing up the stairs. Lira was leaning gently against the banister as she made her way up the long staircases. At several occasions, Lupin would lean over to help support her. The bulge on her stomach was now particularly noticeable. "Maybe he's just worried."  
  
"Of what?"  
  
"He might think that you'd be taking advantage of him... I mean, you were hardly the best of friends in school, now, where you?"  
  
That had never truly occurred to Remus. He had thought they had managed to jump over that particular little barrier.  
  
"So if you're really so worried about him," Lira was continuing, "don't stop reaching out for him. By doing so, you'd be proving the point that you're not really interested in having him as a friend, if not a serious, maybe long-term lover, but just in the sex." She yawned. "You can hardly blame him, though."  
  
"I guess," Remus answered.  
  
She gave a sympathetic smile and kissed his cheek. "Now then, my good fellow, you must take me to that library of yours. I'm looking for a few books on Phoenixes."  
  
**Phoenixes?**  
  
~  
  
Lira had banned all but Snape from hers and Sirius' chambers when her husband had returned, apparently shaken and drained, but most definitely alive. Taking the initiative, Remus waited outside their rooms, waiting for an opportunity to speak to Snape. He had to wait for almost an hour before a tried looking Potions Master came out of the room.  
  
"Severus," he got hold of the man's arm in a gentle grip. "Severus, we need to talk."  
  
Snape gave Lupin's hand a fathomless gaze, then looked up into Remus' eyes. Snape's own, however, narrowed slightly.  
  
"What do you want?" Despite the fact that his hold was gentle - yet firm - Lupin noted that the muscles in Snape's arm had tensed.  
  
"I told you; I want to talk to you."  
  
He let go of Snape's arm. "Could we go into the dungeons, please? We might actually be able to do something worthwhile as we have our little conversation."  
  
Snape gave the smallest of nods and accompanied the werewolf down to the dungeons. When they got there, rather than turn and walk into one of the larger dungeons, where students would be taught and most of the equipment would be held, Snape went into a much smaller one. Inside it were two long benches on raised platforms, facing a large blackboard.  
  
"I've never been here before," Remus remarked slowly.  
  
"Understandably." Snape closed the door behind them. "Now, what is it that you want?"  
  
"About last night."  
  
Snape didn't respond.  
  
"I know it was most definitely rather stupid of me. I hadn't actually meant for it to happen... I... I was wondering if we could - if you wanted to, I mean - go back to... well... the friendship... of sorts."  
  
Still, the other man was looking at the floor, arms crossed, apparently deep in thought.  
  
"I just wanted to make sure that you knew that you could trust me."  
  
Snape sighed. "I suppose I do. In a way."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Hm..."  
  
"The way you reacted when I... when I kissed you..." Snape was about to say something but Remus ploughed on, "And the way you act whenever I'm near you... as if I've got some sort of disease... it's as if you just don't like being--" he drifted off and sensed his gaze avert as Snape looked up at him, a small frown on his face.  
  
"Lupin," Snape took a deep breath. "It's nothing to do with you," he said quietly. "I just..."  
  
"What?"  
  
The Potions Master screwed his eyes shut and his grip on his own arms tightened. "I just... don't like to be touched... You've been, *nice* I suppose, in your way, but, I just don't feel comfortable--"  
  
That empty, haunted look came up again in his eyes. An idea suddenly went through the werewolf's mind.  
  
Whilst Snape was in his daze, Remus went closer to him, and clasped Snape's hands in his. "Severus," he whispered. When the Potions Master jerked back to life, he began to stiffen in the shoulders. "Severus, I'm not going to hurt you..." Gingerly, Remus prised the crossed arms away and brought his cheek closer to Snapes. He realised that maybe this wasn't the best way to get through to Snape, but he'd already gone much too far and his heart was pumping on at full speed, or so it seemed. The adrenaline rushing through his veins prompted a swifter course of action.  
  
He took his cheek away, and they shared a stare. Grey into Black. Resisting a smile, Remus noted with a feeling of triumph, that Snape's resolve was slowly - oh, so slowly, but surely - falling away. He lowered his gaze to the floor and Remus laid his lips upon Snape's brow, bringing them together and slowly kneading the skin between them.  
  
When Snape stiffened again, Lupin massaged his arms with small circles with his thumbs. "Ssshh..." he said. "I promise that I won't hurt you."  
  
At this, Snape raised his head, only to be met with a swift kiss. As Lupin sensed that he would, he tried to resist at first, but when the werewolf finally dared to let his tongue glide into Snape's mouth, the Potions Master gradually let himself fall into Remus' embrace.  
  
He drew himself away and gave Snape an appraising look. "That wasn't too bad, now, was it?"  
  
Snape had his eyes closed. "No further..." he murmured.  
  
"Why not?" Lupin gestured as if to pull Snape closer, but Snape pushed away.  
  
"Y-you wouldn't ... you wouldn't like it... if not now, then sometime later on. Believe me. People like you don't get involved with people like me..."  
  
What was he going on about?  
  
"I don't know what you mean, Severus..."  
  
Snape looked at him incredulously.  
  
"Really, I don't." Remus gave him a surprisingly shy glance. "You'll still let me kiss you, though, won't you?"  
  
"Tch."  
  
"What?"  
  
There was a slight smile on Severus' lips. "Go away, Lupin. Leave me be, for once."  
  
Eyes still on Snape, Remus walked to the door. When his hand was on the doorknob, he turned round to ask, "And how is Sirius, may I ask?"  
  
"Yes and he's fine. Just very tired, but he'll live."  
  
Before Snape could raise any objections, Lupin kissed him thoroughly on the lips. "Night, Severus," he whispered against the man's neck.  
  
Snape hesitated then, much to Lupin's surprise, he gave him a small kiss on his neck. "Good-night, Lupin."  
  
*  
  
There you go. Everything seems to happening rather quickly, doesn't it? (lol) ; ) 


	19. Maestro

Okay, now I'm obssessed. You *must* see Ian McKellen's new boyfriend. Apparently, they've gotten back together again. He is absolutely *gorgeous* : lookit! here just scroll down the page and in green, you'll see the name 'Nick'. click on it... oh he looks so sweet! He's gorgeous, he's... Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. He's IAN MCKELLEN'S *sniff* (lol) I'm obssessed, I know. ; )  
  
*breathes*  
  
Dammit.  
  
Oh yes, and frizzy (and to everyone else who is curious)? I am *really* sorry, but you're going to have to wait some time before Remus finds out. Otherwise everything else will just lag behind and I'll be forced to make them catch up with the story and I can't really do that without the story sucking big-time. *sighs* Besides, everything is already planned out. And I...must...not...deviate...from...plot.... or..else..I'll...*gasps*... Well, not quite that dramatic, but I have to make the damn flashbacks catch up.  
  
dovielr: yes, it IS from the Potions Mistress. Actually, if you read my 'The Potions Master's Apprentice' I left an eensy note for you about that. I have the tendency to be a) highly unimaginative and b) very lazy.  
  
*  
  
Chapter 19: Maestro  
  
To be honest, Snape didn't know whether this was something he would ever feel ashamed of, or even proud of. He was barely feeling anything now, as he stirred the bubbling contents of the over-sized cauldron. All he knew was that when the time came, the unwitting victim would die very horribly.  
  
It might even be fun to watch.  
  
Lucius looked at it, eyebrow raised. He trusted Snape, in his way, of course. The man had done more research into the Dark Arts, including the magic of voodoo, which many Dark wizards left be, than any of them would ever would.  
  
If this worked, it would be a magnificent leap ahead for the Death Eaters; they all knew that.  
  
Luckily for them, if it didn't work, it wouldn't be a setback of any sort. Rather, a trial that they should overcome to succeed at their fullest the next time.  
  
As the potion brewed, Severus sat in a chair, idly letting a rat crawl over and through his fingers. He would occasionally stroke her back and it sent a chill down Lucius spine to see it: it was as if they had a bizarre communication between them to which only they were privy.  
  
"Severus," he started, breaking away from a conversation with Avery. "Why don't you come over here rather than play with your pet?"  
  
Severus slowly looked up at him, gaze unreadable, an eyebrow slightly arched.  
  
"She's not a pet, Lucius," he said in a tone which Lucius had never heard before from Snape, especially not directed at him. "She's a rat."  
  
"What's her name?" Avery grinned, eyes cold. "Rosemary?"  
  
Ignoring the quiet sniggers, Snape actually seemed to be looking at the rat in his palm as if wondering what to call her. Or perhaps he was asking her for her name.  
  
"No," he said at last, getting up. "It's not Rosemary."  
  
"Well, what is it then?" Lucius asked, sounding rather impatient.  
  
Severus said nothing, only bent over the potion and stirred. The minute he did so, a definite hush fell over the few Death Eaters present. Truth be told, they clung to a small and secret fear of Severus; one of the reasons he so appealed to the Master was because although so young, he was adventurous in the ways of Dark magic, intelligent and powerful with herbs. He was immune to many poisons and could make far more.  
  
"You can go and tell our Lord and Master that his potion is ready," Severus said quietly. His rat squeaked. He gently shushed her.  
  
-I dunno abou' yer boss rat- she was sniffing -I don' think 'e cares too much fer you boys-  
  
Lately, Brighteyes little comments had begun to strike a chord within Severus's mind. In rat society, yes, the boss rat could tell the underlings what to do, but it made sure that they treated one another properly and treated their underlings properly as well. Brighteyes wasn't sure if she approved of Voldemort's - or 'Human Boss's - methods of rule. She thought one shouldn't make a claim to such power, be he rat or human, if he wasn't prepared to be (by her standards) acceptable.  
  
-'E wants ter eat the world, 'e does- she cackled. -run fer it, boy-  
  
"Brighteyes," he murmured to her, as the other DeathEaters filed out, leaving him with the bubbling brew, "I don't want to right now."  
  
-Ah, but yer will. Fer whatever reason, I dunno. Bu' any good rat 'ud do th'same: if the Boss es gettin' too fat, yer eat 'im an' share 'im ou' between yer- she sniffed again, partly out of amusement at her own little joke and also just to see who was nearby. -or yer run fer it an' go solo-  
  
Severus stroked her back.  
  
"Why do you call me boy?"  
  
-You may be bigger 'n' me- she began in the beginnings of a rat snarl -but if I were a 'uman, I'd be old enough ter be yer Great-grandrat. You'm remain a boy, until yer ge' as old as I am-  
  
"Thanks," he muttered in an acid tone. She gently nipped his earlobe.  
  
-You'm be a good underling- she teased -but mind yer meddles-  
  
*  
  
Sirius was still rather quiet when he came down to breakfast. He took a goblet from Snape with nothing more than a weary nod. He sat and barely ate his breakfast. At his left, he had Lira looking concerned and murmuring soft words in his ear.  
  
Remus was sitting next to Snape. When the man returned to his seat, he leaned over to him. "Is everything going to be alright?"  
  
Snape nodded. "It's just shock. He wasn't there long enough for any real effect to kick in. He's just had a long journey." Despite the fact that conversation came easier between the two men, Remus couldn't help but notice that Snape still seemed not to trust - if not dislike - Sirius and showed this feeling as much as he would dare to. At the moment, he wore an expression of mild irritation, obviously due to the fact that he had had to actually help the man.  
  
"Surely you don't still dislike him?" Remus ventured.  
  
"Go away, Lupin. Not all of us are as perfect as you are." He replied bitingly.  
  
"I'm sorry," The werewolf gave a subdued smile.  
  
"Hm." Snape began to poke at the fried eggs on his plate and made a face.  
  
"You being Jewish.... arem't there all sorts of rules about what you can eat and can't...?" Lupin started, eyes still on the flat eggs that now had been horribly punctured by a four spiked fork.  
  
"Hmm. Why?"  
  
"Oh, I was just wondering if that's why you don't eat much..."  
  
Snape gave a small sigh and put his fork down, still leaving the tips resting against the egde of the plate. "All food here, unless obviously not, like pork sausages, are kosher. You needn't worry. I've survived over quarter of a century without your fussing over my religious, dietry needs, and I'm sure I'll survive another..."  
  
Lupin grinned. "What about after that?"  
  
Snape grimaced. "I have a total of nine nieces and nephews who I'm sure will be none too hesitant to remind me."  
  
"You must be so proud."  
  
"Be quiet."  
  
Remus let a soft chuckle escape from him, then looked away as he saw Snape's eyes clam up in their preparation for a glare. "Bastard." He heard him mutter. The chuckle, lodged within Remus' throat, refused to budge. He was almost gigling.  
  
-I agree with him. Stop that. You're going to hurt yourself soon-  
  
"I know... I know...." the laugh subsided, though a rather foolish grin took it's place.  
  
"Oh dear," Snape shook his head.  
  
-Honestly, moon-dog. Can't you control yourself for a few minutes?-  
  
"It was too good to miss," Remus answered quietly. "Where are you?"  
  
-That is for him and I to know and you to find out-  
  
"Is he always like this?" Remus turned to Snape, who shrugged.  
  
"He's a rat. What else do you expect?" Snape rolled his shoulders. "I have to go and get my lessons ready. I think it's best if you go and have a word with Sirius; I know he's tired, but he'd be glad of your company, I think."  
  
"Alright," Lupin nodded. "How busy are you today?"  
  
Snape had gotten up and was pushing his chair back in. "Very. I have lessons and lectures alike for the whole day. Rat should be around, so if you need me, just ask him. He'll show you."  
  
-That depends-  
  
"Tch." Shaking his robes loose, Professor Snape exited the Hall.  
  
*  
  
He'd been able to avoid Dumbledore so far.  
  
In his spare time, he spent more of it in the secret rooms that Coldfur had found in his own leisure. However, when it came to Dumbledore asking other teachers to send for Severus, he had just been plain lucky.  
  
He only hoped that Dumbledore wouldn't take off any points away from Slytherin for it, but, from what Snape had seen at dinner, Dumbledore had no scars on his face to show to the world.  
  
-Why you shiver so?- Coldfur sniffed in his slow way. That was the difference, Severus had noticed, between female rats and male rats: females were more jumpy, more active. The males, on the other hand, were far more leisurely. Coldfur then laughed -You have no fur. That your problem, no?-  
  
"Yes," Snape replied and, being the endearing little rat he was, Coldfur snuggled in Severus' neck. Being a pure, mahogany brown rat, he was a lot larger than quite a few others Snape had had, so could fit quite nicely around his neck. Sort of. Coldfur's nose was distracting him. "Your nose is too wet," Severus whispered, smiling.  
  
-Ha... ha-  
  
"Oh God..." he muttered, as James Potter and his equally wonderful Lily Potter came into view. He felt ever so slightly queasy at the sight of their hands holding and the two of them walking so close to each other. They were discreet, as wizarding etiquette seemed to command, but not so as to cause Snape no discomfort. He didn't think he would ever be able to let someone else touch him, or even come near him. It reminded him too much of the feel of Dumbledore's gnarled fingers touching his skin...  
  
-STOP THAT!-  
  
Severus nearly jumped, but hid it by hugging his shoulders tightly and releasing them quickly.  
  
"Thank you..."  
  
-You must stop this-  
  
"I know," Snape whispered. Lily and her no doubt soon-to-be husband went past him. Usually, the rest of the Golden boys would be nearby, but he realised that of course, it was the full moon, and Mr. Remus Lupin was *always* 'ill' on the first moon.  
  
"I wonder if anyone else has discovered his secret," the boy murmured rather nastily.  
  
-Leave the moon-dog be. He has pain to deal with tonight. And madness- Coldfur shuddered.  
  
Of course, Dumbledore would make sure no one else knew... he hardly had to do anything. But he *tried*  
  
Snape closed his eyes.  
  
~"None of this will get out, now, will it Severus?" "No..." "Good.... the boy has more than enough already to deal with" "I know..." "I can tell it's a shock..." Silence. He'd shifted closer, hadn't he? And Snape could see that the scars hadn't been completely eradicated by magic. Only to be seen at such close quarters. Laid his hand on his knee... started groping. Get up.... get up... and Severus had... he'd given him the look Eleni had given him all that time before... the look his father had given those pictures of murdered Arabs... "Severus?" He'd reached again.. he'd whispered... he'd had that look in his eye.... to let the boy know that he knew what he wanted... what he *didn't* want more like... Oh, God... those blue eyes... eurgh...always glittering... get away from me... The door... "I understand, Professor Dumbledore... now if you please... let go of my thigh..." And he'd left after that... leaving that ... that *man* there...~  
  
Coldeyes nipped Severus lightly. -You are scaring me-  
  
"I'm sorry." Now in the present world, Snape could feel his heart pumping ferociously against his rib cage and heavy breathing. "I won't think about it any more I swear..."  
  
-Hush. You need your own kind. You do-  
  
"I don't." Snape replied from between gritted teeth. "They've done enough already."  
  
Golden Boys.  
  
Sirius.  
  
*  
  
"Severus? Not busy now?"  
  
Snape was at a desk, shuffling papers and arranging them in orderly bundles in his arms. He gave Remus a look. "Not so busy. Here. Take a few. Before I hurt my back. I'll let you share my pain." Bending slightly, he tipped his arms so that two of the five bundles slid into Remus' arms.  
  
"Thank you ever so much--"  
  
"Oh, shut up."  
  
**Well, that was a first**  
  
They went up stairs within the thick walls, which Lupin never knew even existed, and ended up in the Potions Master's office.  
  
"Leave them there." Snape gestured towards a table. "Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome." Remus let his eyes glitter. "Do I get a kiss?"  
  
"Tch." Snape began to scowl. "Hmm.... come here and see." When the werewolf was about to put his arms around him, Snape pushed him away. "No, no ... hugging... let's keep things simple, yes?" And he gently laid his lips on Remus', more of a prolonged peck than anything.  
  
Smiling - with butterflies in his stomach - he returned a kiss on Snape's cheek and was surprised to see him blush *very* slightly, in the darkness.  
  
"Night, night." He whispered, lightly nuzzling Snape's neck. Snape seemed to both freeze and relax at the same time.  
  
"Please stop," he finally said.  
  
Remus did and looked at him. "Will I be able to see you tomorrow?"  
  
There was an awkward silence.  
  
"No... and don't even think of looking for me," the man replied rather stiffly, though his fingers continually toyed with the black material of his robes. "Rat will be coming too, anyway."  
  
"Where?" Remus frowned. Snape gave him a very dark scowl indeed.  
  
"I can't tell you. Now go to bed. Lira will worry, won't she?"  
  
~  
  
I've just heard that Nick Cuthell, the above mentione boyfriend to Ian, and he are no longer together. I don't really care. Nick's pretty (say he's pretty. Go on. Nod. Agree with me).  
  
And I still haven't learnt how to spell. No spelling comments about Chapter 17. Please. I can't take it any more... *laughs* 


	20. Fatigua

The website didn't come up. Damn. Ah, well... just search around for Nick Cuthell, or a website called Dema something and you'll find lots of pretty pictures!  
  
I aplogise for short chapters, especially after it takes ages for me to upload anything.  
  
What can Snape eat?: Sorry, in the last chapter, I didn't go into enough detail and probably used the wrong wording which is the most likely reason for violet's comment. Just to make it clear, Snape doesn't eat pork, shellfish, rabbit, camel... the basic things he isn't allowed to eat. The more complicated matters, such as use of plates etc etc, he and his family are more liberal about. Not an Orthodox Jew is he, otherwise, when you come to think of it, he wouldn't even be teaching in Hogwarts full-stop.  
  
Neither would he have gone there for schooling in the first place.  
  
Chapter 20: Fatigua  
  
Remus didn't see Snape at all for the next two days. When he tried to reach out for Rat, he couldn't get a single signal, apart from one of emptiness which in itself was very disturbing for the werewolf.  
  
After the first day, he began to think about it a bit more carefully, and had finally come to the conclusion that Snape must have gone for the - what was by now - eighth link. The usual feeling of worry gnawed at him, but he managed to keep himself relatively sane, thanks largely to the writings of Snape's father.  
  
The second day went and by that time, Remus knew that something was rather wrong. He had not been called up to go and deliver one of the Links. As he didn't know why - and couldn't come up with any good reason - it was on the third day since Snape had gone that Remus went to have a word with Dumbledore.  
  
"Ah," Dumbledore said in his usual greeting, not looking up from a table as Remus entered the room.  
  
"Professor?"  
  
Dumbledore beckoned to him. Obediant, Lupin answered the call and stood by the Headmaster at the table. As he looked down on it, he saw that it was a large piece of parchment, perfectly cut to fit the surface of the table exactly. On it, was a pattern, of triangles, squares and circles, where each line crossed, there was a jewel.  
  
"Right now," Dumbledore said quietly, "none have been activated and the central viewing jewel has not been placed. But soon--"  
  
Remus now understood why the jewels seemed to be so dark, not even glittering in the light of the candles.  
  
"Professor," he began eventually. Dumbledore looked up at him.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
The werewolf took in a deep breath. "I was just wondering-- about these Links..." he trailed off, feeling slightly nervous. Perhaps it hadn't been such a good idea to come here in the first place.  
  
"Mmm...?"  
  
"Well... It's just that.... I haven't been asked to place one in any certain location and I was wondering why..." Remus was amazed at the fact that he had managed to get the words out of his mouth. Dumbledore seemed to be thinking over this.  
  
Very carefully.  
  
"Remus," he began, "my main reason for not asking you to be in this business of Links and so-forth is simple: I have other things for you to attend to. I need to have at least a handful of ever-ready people that I can call upon to help in an emergency, not tired out by crossing the European continent in a night simply to place a hidden precious stone."  
  
"I see, sir."  
  
"Do you?" He turned to Remus.  
  
Remus mulled this latest question over for a long pause. "Yes." He said. Gesturing to the parchment on the table, he asked, "could you explain this to me, then?"  
  
Dumbledore smiled. "Of course... now?"  
  
"Yes, please."  
  
"Very well, then. Now, over on that side..."  
  
~  
  
It was now late afternoon and Dumbledore had called another gathering of the 'Order'. At first, the door to his office was closed and so Remus, with a dozen or so others, some of whom were not officially part of the 'Order', waited for a while before the gargoyle sprang away, allowing them to pass through.  
  
Lira held onto Sirius' arm as they made their way through and in the little light that was available, Remus could see that she was tired.  
  
**She ought to be getting some rest**  
  
When they entered the office, they saw that already, there was someone else in there. In something like silence, the 'Order' filed in and took their seats, smiling slightly and politely at the woman who sat, poised, yet relaxed in her chair.  
  
Remus looked at her carefully, sure that he had seen her somewhere before. Something about her face and colouring was all too familiar.  
  
They waited.  
  
Dumbledore stood up from his seat.  
  
"Of course," he began, "you'll be wondering who this is..." He gestured towards the lady. "This is Eleni Madenia, formerly known as Eleni Snape."  
  
Remus sat up straighter, regarding the silent woman once again. He wasn't the only one who had reacted in a similar way, either:  
  
Sirius actually opened his mouth, Lira raise her eyebrows, nearly letting a small gasp issue from her mouth. McGonagall looked surprised as well.  
  
The werewolf suddenly had an image of a young girl spring into his vision.  
  
Of course.  
  
Like Severus, she had black hair, though hers did not have the appreance of being greasy and was much, much longer. She also had darker skin and a less pronounced nose, one that accented her looks and made her appear all the more stunning. But having said that, she wasn't beautiful as such, but stunning was more or less right. And very attractive. She had a certain dark glamour to her, though her clothes were simple - and black - and her only jewellery was aa wedding ring and her small ear-rings.  
  
She gave a lovely smile to the 'Order' and Remus could quite literally feel the mood lighten and the reception get warmer.  
  
"Eleni here happens to be Severus' older sister. She volunteered to help us to the best of her abilities, perhaps due to someintervention from Severus, who's to know?" He gave a small smile and a quiet ripple of polite chuckles came over the seated 'Order'. "Severus' younger brother, John, though I believe he is usually called within his family as Jona--" Eleni nodded, "will be coming to join us as well, by...?"  
  
"Tomorrow, we hope," Eleni finished off for him. Her voice was much like Lira's, only with a more fuller timbre, from which Remus could tell that Eleni Snape smoked a fair bit more than Lira did.  
  
"We hope," Dumbledore nodded. "Now, in this meeting, I wanted to address the issue of the Links, as we are so close to it being completed.  
  
"Severus will not be here for another three days at least. He is currently somewhere nearby, placing one of the certain Links which hold a slightly more important role than the others, for with these, we will use to get direct journeying to and from unlike with the others, where we'll only be able to look into them and act from there."  
  
Lira was the first to speak. "And he's as safe as you can make the journey to be...?"  
  
Dumbledore held her tired gaze with his own piercing one. Remus glanced at Eleni who he realised was looking at Lira with a rather worried look on her face. Perhaps she could see that Lira's situation was none too good, as well.  
  
"I've asked Jona to intervene in that particular matter," Eleni replied for Dumbledore. This made Remus smile slightly: Eleni Snape was even more fothright than her younger brother. Her very presence seemed remarkable. "Though whether he actually will, I don't know. Even if he doesn't, yes, Dumbledore has placed several precautions. Similar to the ones he placed on your husband, might I add."  
  
"Well that's reassuring." Lira covered a small yawn with her hand.  
  
"Ah," Eleni turned to Dumbledore. "Albus, do you mind if I leave now for a small while?"  
  
"Of course not."  
  
Eleni nodded and got up, walking outisde the circle to Lira, in whose ear she whispered something. Lira gave Sirius a look and when Sirius nodded, she and Eleni left the room together.  
  
~  
  
As he entered the Great Hall, he noticed that when he took his seat, Eleni only came up to his ear. So, her younger brother Severus was taller than her by at least five inches.  
  
She and Lira sat next to each other and were talking quietly. Maybe it was just because Eleni was here, but the staff table seemed a good deal quieter and more reserved. It was quite a difference that her presence seemed to make.  
  
Remus took a seat next to Sirius who smiled wearily at him. Earlier on that day, Sirius had had a chance to talk to Harry and spend some time with him. It seemed that the ex-Azkaban prisoner was a bit happier and not as tired as before.  
  
"Looking good, Padfoot," Remus murmured.  
  
Sirius shook his head. "I've hardly had anything to recover from." He snorted. "I wonder what sort of shape Snape will be in when he returns."  
  
Remus winced. He didn't really want to picture it.  
  
"Do you think it's likely that he'll get attacked or something?" Remus asked.  
  
Sirius frowned and took a sip from his goblet. "I really do doubt it, Moony, but it's things like that, which we've got to consider." He added a forkful of his meal into his mouth and chewed. "If he does, he'll know how to look after himself and he'll get through to us--"  
  
*Before it's too late* was what Sirius seemed to have stopped himself from adding.  
  
"I hope he does get back alright." Remus said absently, finally beginning on his meal.  
  
"Mmm..." Sirius gave him an odd look. "Do you really care about him that much?"  
  
Lupin breathed. "Well," he started, in a voice barely above a whisper, "I'm just worried about him. I mean, he keeps himself to himself too much and... it seems to me that we've all been underestimating him...--"  
  
Up until that point, he hadn't realised that Lira and Eleni were finished with their conversation and Eleni in particular was giving him the oddest look. When he did notice, he felt himself colour, but her look reassured him that she wasn't judging. Or at least, that was the impression she gave off. She was probably recording all of these conversations and mettings in her head, the way her brother seemed to.  
  
Just as he shouldn't underestimate Severus, neither should he Eleni.  
  
"Do you know my brother well, then?" She asked. Remus detected a strange sort of accent.  
  
"You could say." The werewolf was grateful that neither Lira or Sirius mentioned anything of their growing closeness. "Why?"  
  
Eleni gave an elegant shrug. "He never struck me as the type who could become close to anyone. He's more the sort to back out if he finds himself gaining someone as an intimate friend. Still, who said that there's never room for improvement, hm?"  
  
Something in what she said struck Remus as a little odd for a description of a younger brother. It seemed rather cold.  
  
**Perhaps they don't get along well**  
  
Gods, it was at times like this that he felt the need for a little sarky presence such as Rat. Rat would know what to make of this strange, quietly glamorous woman.  
  
"Lira?" Remus said.  
  
Lira looked up at him, turning her neck slightly, as she was leaning on her husband's shoulder. "Remus?"  
  
"Are you feeling any better? You've been looking pretty exhausted lately." Remus - perhaps to make a further impression on Eleni - let the true amount of worry (which was an awful lot) surface in his eyes.  
  
"Ah, Remus," Lira breathed. "I *am* feeling quite a bit better. I've been absolutely wretched for the past few days: throwing up every other morning and just always feeling so very tired..."  
  
"She almost collapsed yesterday," Sirius said quietly.  
  
Remus nearly gasped, but managed to contain himself, only giving Lira shocked look. He *was* shocked, unpleasantly so. She had actually *collapsed*?  
  
"I didn't... I just tripped...."  
  
"Of course, love.."  
  
"Sirius..."  
  
"I'm sorry," he said promptly and kissed her gently on the forehead. "I didn't mean to exaggerate..." but all four knew that he hadn't been.  
  
Eleni took a sip from her own goblet, looking very thoughtful. "My dear," she said finally. "It does seem a lot more serious than I first thought it was... but I can only increase your treatments bit by bit... I really don't want to endanger your baby..."  
  
"Oh, Eleni, really... you're as bad as your brother... you can stop worrying..."  
  
Eleni gave a small chuckle at the mention of her brother then shrugged again and remaine silent for the rest of her meal.  
  
*  
  
TBC *very soon* 


	21. Baptist

I haven't mentioned them, but two others of the Order have had to put more than one Link, so it's nothing personal! It's just that Snape is more familiar with the Death-Eaters, etc. etc.  
  
Something you might want to know: Lucretia is based on me at age nine, Martin on my younger brother and Kela on my youngest sister - the last of the four of us - and my best friend's neice.The third of us may have a self in this fiction, who knows? Maybe as one of Eleni's children...  
  
I know, I know... I was the family's favourite daughter, no need to rub it in... ; ) However, I've only described her as my parents have described me. I don't really believe them, but then again, they don't know the whole truth... *mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha*  
  
Chapter 21: Baptist  
  
"Jona will be coming with his wife and children," Eleni explained, words slightly rushed as if she were in a hurry. "Miriam is her name and she's very nice. I think you'll like the children... they're very sweet..."  
  
"How many of them?" Remus asked.  
  
Eleni looked at him. "Three. Lucretia, Martin and Kela."  
  
"So you'd have six children, then," he said without thinking.  
  
This time, her look was sharp and her eyes had turned almost as dark as her brother's. "How would you know that then?"  
  
"Severus mentioned that he had nine neices and nephews in total," Remus answered quietly.  
  
"Oh? Did my little brother mention anything else?" Even Sirius seemed a little surprised by the only very slightly acid tone in her voice. "Any other interesting fact about his family?"  
  
**Oh, what the hell...**  
  
"Apparently Miriam is quite the traditionalist," he smiled politely. Much to his own shock, Eleni gave a laugh. A deep, throaty laugh that vibrated throughout the Entrance Hall in the early hours of the day.  
  
"That she is," she grinned. "Darling thing."  
  
Sirius shook his head. "I had no idea that Snape--"  
  
"Which one?" Eleni grinned again, face relaxing.  
  
Sirius grinned in return. "Well, not you, obviously." He laid an arm around his wife's waist. "Severus, I mean. I had no idea that he had anything like a family... not like the one it seems he has at any rate."  
  
The four of them made their way out to the front of Hogwarts. Eleni sat on the large marble banister's top, looking down over the lake with a gleam of wonderment in her eye. Lira went to join her. "It's beautiful isn't it?" She said quietly. "I spend so much time just gazing out over the lake... From the towers," she gestured upwards with her hands and Eleni looked up, "You can see a bit more of the forest as well... It's like something out of a film..."  
  
"Or travel brochure," Eleni added.  
  
Remus had doubted that he would ever find anyone more puzzling than Severus. Now he was faced with the challenge of his older sister. Obviously, there was some kind of conflict going on between her and Severus, for it was only at a mention of him that Eleni seemed to turn slightly cold. Apart from that, she seemed alright, in her way.  
  
"So..." Lira began again, "I know that Severus came to Hogwarts... I was wondering if you ever did."  
  
Eleni is silent for a while. Her eyes didn't turn black or cold, rather, almost far away. "No," she said finally. "I was educated in a boarding school for girls. The rest of my magical education was left to our grand parents, aunts and uncles."  
  
"Why just him?" Sirius asked.  
  
She shrugged. "Ask the family."  
  
A few random owls flew overhead.  
  
"Remus mentioned that you had children," Lira said, eyes still on the tree- blocked horizon. "It seems a shame that you didn't being them, when Jona is going to."  
  
Eleni gave a laugh. "There's too many of them! Between the six of them, they'd raze Hogwarts down to the ground in a matter of hours!" She saw Sirius' smile. "Really. You don't want to *know* what they did to our basement once..."  
  
Lira smiled widely. "Ha! Do tell!"  
  
The older woman shook her head and began to tell them how Johnathon - her eldest - had decided to see what would happen if one combine moth wings with Dragon blood and had gotten his younger siblings involved as well...  
  
During her story, Remus noticed Eleni continually look out towards the trees. After a few minutes, there was a sound of beating hooves. Lira and Sirius both looked towards the direction of the sound and Eleni had stood up.  
  
She walked down the steps, through the centre, and waited. She didn't have to for long.  
  
A large carriage - black, 18th century from the style of the workmanship - drawn by four dark stallions, came into view. Out of one of the windows poked a girl's head, dark red hair blowing in the gust. She was grinning widely. "Aunt Eleni!" She screamed. "Aunt Eleni!" The girl managed to get an arm out as well, and was waving wildly.  
  
Eleni smiled, but with this one, her eyes seemed more animated.  
  
The carriage slowed down, but the other children and their red-headed sister, didn't seem to care too much about the fact that it hadn't actually stopped. They all leapt down and sprinted towards their aunt, who crouched slightly and let herself be smothered by the three children. Her laugh then wasn't the loud throaty one in the Hall of a well-born, forthright woman, but the one of a delighted aunt, the sort who seemed more content sitting by the oven, making cookies, than remedies for over-worked, pregnant women.  
  
"Children!" Said a delicate voice. Looking up, Remus could see that the carriage had stopped and a slim woman dressed in dark shades of blue and purple was stepping out carefully. "Oh, children, really!"  
  
This was Miriam.  
  
Miriam wasn't as dark as Remus expected her to be. She had ivory pale skin and delicate hands. Her eyes were large and an odd sort of dark purple colour. At present, she was wearing a hat with a wide brim, which had a dark blue muslin material wound once around it with the rest floating behind her as she walked over slowly, carefully avoiding potholes in the grouns. What Remus could see of her hair, however, was a sandy brown.  
  
"Oh, Eleni, darling!" She exclaimed, genuinely pleased to see her sister-in- law. "You *are* looking healthy!"  
  
"The same for you, I see," Eleni replied. The children were still latched onto her, even as she straightened herself up. "You don't even seem the slightest bit tired, my dear."  
  
"I've been on worse journeys, 'Leni," Miriam sighed. She turned round. "Where is that Jon? What *is* he up to, now?"  
  
"He's probably talking to the driver, mama," the boy said.  
  
Miriam sighed again. "Honestly," she began to rifle through her small handbag. "I dont know *what* it is with him and-- ooooh!"  
  
Remus couldn't help smiling. Miriam seemed to be the typical, rather floaty and absent-minded, wealthy woman, no doubt ever-so slightly spoiled by her parents and treated offhandedly by her all-knowing husband. Rather stereotypically the upper middle-class Victorian wife, concerned only with her looks, though as soon as her husband came into view, her eyes had a rather steely look to them.  
  
Jona was by far the largest surprise for Remus.  
  
For starters, he was blonde. Not a dark brown blonde like his wife, but an ash mixed with strawberry sort of blonde. He didn't have the nose, either. His was very straight, yes, but not aquiline in shape. He was taller than Eleni, though not by much. Remus grinned: he couldn't wait to see Severus besides his siblings.  
  
"Yes my dear?" He asked, interpretating her look.  
  
Miriam 'tch'ed. "Never mind."  
  
Jona turned to Eleni. "And how are we today?" He smiled, dark green eyes glittering. He looked down at his children, who grinned up mischievously at their father. "Barbarians," he sniffed, in a mock-haughty tone.  
  
Eleni shook her head. "I'm doing just fine. I arrived here yesterday. Goodness', Jona! You should see the cuisine, here! You'll never believe that most of it's just for the students!"  
  
"Wonderful," Miriam muttered, casting a sidelong glance to her right. "More fattening food..."  
  
Sirius blinked and Lira covered a grin. Remus saw Miriam notice her and give her a look of utter delight: she was well pleased that there would be another woman she could talk to.  
  
"Care to introduce us, 'Leni?" Jona asked, looking towards Remus and Sirius.  
  
"Ah," Eleni pointed to Sirius. "Mr Sirius Black. Remember him, from the papers?"  
  
Miriam stared at him and a look of realisation came into her face. "It's alright, Miriam, love... no need to scream, we're all well aware of who he is." Miriam blushed. Eleni went to Lira, "this is his wife, Lira and he--" she nodded and smiled at Remus, "is Remus Lupin... it seems Severus has told him quite a bit about our family."  
  
"Now there's a shock," Jona said, a wry smile on his face. He and Eleni exchanged a look. "Who would have thought he'd have anyone to ever tell such a thing?"  
  
The red-headed girl looked up at Remus. "You know Uncle Severus, then, sir?"  
  
"In a manner of speaking..."  
  
"Shouldn't we be going in, now?" Miriam said, turning round and gesturing to a warmly robed footman to bring in their luggage. "I'm sure it won't be so good for Lira if we all stand out here in this brisk weather." Mrs. Jona Snape smiled at Lira, forgetting that she was the wife of a 'murderer'.  
  
"Of course, of course," Jona nodded. "Let's go, then, yes?"  
  
~  
  
The red-headed girl's name was Lucretia and she was nine years old. Despite her fiery appearance and enthusiastic greeting of her aunt, she was rather quiet. Probably because of the fact that she had two appallingly lively younger siblings.  
  
Martin had more of his mother's hair, though a tinge of red shone through it. He had his father's eyes and nose, his mother's skin, and his father's build. At seven, he was three years older than Kela, who looked the most like their mother, but was the same sort of blonde as Draco Malfoy, just a little darker.  
  
All three of them were very respectful and obviously well-trained, the only thing with the last two was that they both liked talking.  
  
"He first started how to talk when he was nine months," Miriam said wearily. "And he's never stopped talking since."  
  
Kela simply liked to copy her big brother, who she evidently adored. Remus had to side with Lucretia, however, because the poor girl was nine going on to twenty-one. If she were old enough, the werewolf swore that her two siblings would be giving her grey hairs. She would often be the one who'd keep them out of trouble - which they deserved - due to her quick wits and common-place common-sense.  
  
"They're a bit of a handful, those two," Sirius once started during their dinner. Well mannered as always, Lucretia swallowed her forkful nefore answering.  
  
"Not really," she said calmly. "You just have to know how to deal with them."  
  
Jona was a bit easier to talk to than Eleni, but Remus still didn't think about mentioning Severus to him. As much as he would have liked to see all three of them together, Remus got the feeling that it would be the two of them versus their brother.  
  
"C'n I have some of that, please?" Kela lisped and extended an arm to a bottle of pumpkin juice. Remus retrieved the bottle and poured it for her. "Thank you." She drank.  
  
"Where exactly have you come from, my dear?" He asked her.  
  
She gave a shy smile.  
  
"We come from Brighton," she said. "Near the sea!"  
  
"Have you ever been in it?" Remus ventured.  
  
Kela shook her head. "I don't like it. It goes *whoosh* and sometimes Martin 'n' Lucreesha... swing me into it." When saying *whoosh*, Kela flicked out her little fingers. She was a very endearing child, complete with blonde curls and violet eyes. Rather like a doll.  
  
She continued to eat.  
  
Remus grinned to himself before saying rather recklessly, "Does your uncle Severus ever visit you?"  
  
The little girl shook her head again. "I've only seen the photo's when he was my age," she explained, eyes wide. "But Lucreesha 'n' Martin say that he's veer tall 'n' he wears only black..." she leaned forward and whispered, "Martin says he's a *vam*-pire!" She giggled, perhaps at her own daring, and continued to eat again.  
  
"What does Lucretia say?"  
  
"She says that Papa doesn't talk about him because of Society," Kela lisped, hesitating before the word 'society'. "Mama says that Uncle Sev'rus has nothing to do wiv it..."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
Kela nodded deeply, blonde curls shaking vigorously. "Martin says that *he* wants to be like Uncle Sev'rus when he becomes a vampire. He says he'll ask Uncle Sev'rus to bite him!" She giggled again.  
  
Before the end of the supper, Remus tapped Martin on his shoulder.  
  
"Yes?" The boy said.  
  
"Don't tell anyone that I said this," Remus whispered, "but your uncle Severus?"  
  
"*Yeeeees*?"  
  
"He's not a vampire."  
  
Remus was sure that for the rest of his life, he would remember the look on Martin's face as the truth sunk into him. He rather felt like laughing out loud and even kissed Miriam's hand before going to bed.  
  
*  
  
*Told you* I'd be updating soon! Stay tuned, folks! 


	22. Elephantine

I despise it, but I am using JK Rowling's year for Severus' birth. God, it's such an unoriginal year. No offence meant.  
  
Chapter 22: Elephantine  
  
He had a very strange dream that night.  
  
He dreamt that he was Rat and the world was *huge*. Severus was nowhere in sight, and that worried him. It suddenly occurred to Remus that Rat actually *loved* his human, despite the sarky appearance. He wouldn't want to go anywhere without him because it was as if they were one and separating from each other like splitting oneself in half. Besides, Rat owed him his life and he knew that his human owed him his life several times over.  
  
But he was a rat and the debt had to be repaid. And for a rat, that debt could only be repaid by death.  
  
Where was he? It wasn't so dark as that Rat couldn't see, but it was rather cold and empty. Too empty, as if all pulse had left the room.  
  
He didn't like it.  
  
Not that Remus had much time to consider this as he woke up after a while and couldn't get back to sleep afterwards.  
  
It was very late indeed, probably some time just after midnight. Remus got up and had a shower, knowing he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep anyway, got dressed and made his way with a lighted wand, down to Snape's office where he knew the last of the three books would be.  
  
The door creaked as he opened it - Remus made a mental note to tell Severus about it when he came back - and the light of his wand threw grotesquely shaped shadows around the room. He headed straight for the large table that had the most papers on it in the most untidiest fashion. On top of a particularly large pile of papers, was the book.  
  
Remus stood where he was for a while, placing the wand in an abandoned mug which had had it's handle smashed off, and opening the book gingerly, filled with the usual respect he had for them.  
  
He could hear only his breath in the dimly-lit room, but kept his ears alert for the sound of anyone approaching. Unlike with the other books, the first page of this one was empty.  
  
He frowned.  
  
The werewolf flicked another page open. Ah.  
  
On it was some writing, but Remus couldn't read it. Some strange language, perhaps?  
  
There was a simple charm for such languages. However, if this was one of the Eld scripts, then he would have to try something a little more advanced.  
  
"Transcumanato," he muttered, having taken out his wand and now pointing the tip at the page. Not much happened except for the fact that all the light had gone out. "Lumos," he growled then stalked over to the shelf for a box of matches. He lit a match. "Transcumanato-*las*," he said in a firmer voice, trying out the less well-know and more formal command for a magical script to reveal itself. He smiled in grim staisfaction as the script began to unwind itself.  
  
"Snape." He read. **Which one?**  
  
He flicked over to the next few pages and tried out the charm again. The script began to unwind itself again.  
  
He began to read.  
  
"Today, on November 15th, 1960, I heard from my parents that Tessa has given birth to our first son. I began to contemplate how unfair life can be! The only journey I've been encouraged to go on and I miss being the first to hold my son ! Not only that, but it happened four days ago and they only sent the letter to me two days ago. I take it they weren't in any hurry to send it over, then.  
  
"I wonder why?  
  
"I am once again being the curious cynic. They should have sent the letter as soon as the boy had been born. No matter, they say that Tessa hasn't told anyone a name for our child yet which must mean that she would like me to help her decide. She gives more respect than I deserve, I swear. Even Rabbi Hauss' wife named their first son before he arrived and I know countless other women who often do the same. Even Muslim women, who are supposed to be the most meek - Ha! They have yet to met Phulan!  
  
"Perhaps it is best. I shall leave this little hovel that I call Observation point #5 and head straight back home.  
  
"I wonder if he will have the nose when he is older."  
  
With that, Remus slipped a piece of coloured card to mark his place. It appeared that he had found the main reason that Snape had wanted these books.  
  
He had found Samuel Snape's diary.  
  
* * *  
  
When Severus was four, his father had taken him down the Brighton seashore to have a look at the sea shells. He knew that his father couldn't travel any more, and so was very pleased that his father wanted to take him out so badly.  
  
Their mother has packed sandwiches and drinks as well as a few cakes. Eleni hadn't wanted to come out because it was at this time of year that Mama always made her preserves of spiced peaches.  
  
Severus didn't really mind that he was missing out on it, he had other years.  
  
Father crouched down by a rock pool and beckoned his son over. The boy made his way over the rocks and pebbles of this part of the beach. When he'd got to his father's side, he knelt.  
  
"Papa?" He asked.  
  
His father had pointed out a waving sea anemone to him and explained how and why it waved it's tentacles and crept inwards whenever one touched it. He then started telling Severus about seaweed, something that Miss. Phelp's would have been able to make very boring but his father made it sound like the most fascinating process in the world. Severus was explained to that although seaweed was a plant, it was brown for the same reason that a normal land plant was green.  
  
On the tenth anniversary of his father's death, Severus had journeyed to the mountains, having refused going back home for Christmas. He had climbed, somehow knowing where to place his foot each time. It was odd, almost as if instinct called him. He wasn't sure if his instinct was entirely reliable, however.  
  
It was mainly due to instinct that he joined the Death Eaters. It was exciting, it was something to make him feel alive, it was something that kept him in control, despite the whirl that was life. A whirl that included Gryffindors and uncomfortable images of memories that concerned Dumbledore.  
  
However, when it came to instinct, it was Brighteyes instincts that had made him leave the Death Eaters, though perhaps he could have relied on his own, except for the fact that it would have taken perhaps a little longer.  
  
And when Brighteyes was dying, it was her instincts that encouraged him to make the new found Tail and - later - a much younger Rat part of their family. The only time in his life that he would ever have more than one rat at a time.  
  
He could still remember them. Oh, he could remember them all, from the very first he had ever owned - a blue-black female who called herself Drop - to the present, and now a much older, Rat.  
  
The pang of leaving Rat the way he had still cut deeply. He had to, however, because of hat he was about to do.  
  
It was one thing to apparate across Britain. Another thing to cross continents.  
  
The leaving behind of Rat, wouldn't have been his first.  
  
He very much doubted it would be his last.  
  
* * *  
  
Remus knew that this wasn't the last of Samuel Snape's journals because it ended with Severus' first birthday, with Jona yet to be born. He wondered what else Eleni and Jona were keeping from their brother then realised that perhaps it was unfair that he be so critical and so wary when he had barely met them. But, with them for family, Remus felt rather sorry for Severus.  
  
He watched the dawn from the western side of the Astronomy tower.  
  
"Oh Severus," he said, voice croaky, mainly due to his lack of speaking that morning. "I wish you'd just talk to me."  
  
**He can't do that** said the voice. **Would take all the fun out of it, wouldn't it?**  
  
*  
  
NOW.... just you wait until the next two chapters are done! Wheeeeeeee! You hav no idea how happy I am... @~0 


	23. Latin Simone

Arafel, your comment for chapter 20 was indeed understood and appreciated. Check out Hugo Weaving, isn't he gorgeous? Never mind, I have a thing for the different looking guys. All the girls I know fancy Justin Timberlake, can you believe... God...  
  
I hate Jona too. So yes, the writing will be slightly biased. Sorry... but Eleni isn't too bad, as you will see...  
  
This chapter is short. And weird. Jesus. I like, got writer's block at each line, I swear... By the time I had finished it, I had developed two new crushes... simultaneous, too... The Twins from the Matrix: They are so hillarious in real life! (Rayment twins... duh) One of them always goes into stand by mode whilst the other rabbits on... it's a twin thing...  
  
Chapter 23: Latin Simone.  
  
The door opened and automatically, a hush fell over everyone in the Salon. Remus thought that he would've rushed up to Severus and hugged him tightly, had not Dumbledore reacted first.  
  
The Headmaster got up and murmured a few words into Severus' ear. Severus shook his head. His eyes lay upon Eleni, who was half turned in her chair and playing Cat's Cradle with Lucretia, mouth slightly open, eyes as unstaring and gaze as intense as that of her younger brother's. Jona remained comparitively calm  
  
"There's only one two more to be placed," Snape said. "Of course, you all know that Eleni will take care of the next one."  
  
"Hm..." she replied, fingering the edge of her outer robes. "They do."  
  
There was a silence between the two, to which everyone present in the Salon was sensitive to. Snape kept his eyes locked on Eleni's. Both their gazes were now unreadable.  
  
"When did you arrive?" He asked softly.  
  
"Two days ago."  
  
"And Jona?" Remus noticed Jona bristle at the fact that Severus had mentioned him as if he weren't present.  
  
He was about to say something when Eleni gave the smallest shakes of her head and said, "yesterday."  
  
"Ah." Severus' eyes left his older sister's and planted their gaze onto his nieces and nephew. Martin blushed and began to chew his tongue, looking more nervous than Remus ever thought was possible for the boy to feel. Lucretia pushed back her good manners and stared at her uncle, not bothering to conceal her curiosity. Kela began to tug on Martin's shirt.  
  
"'S that Uncle Severus?" She whispered, casting a shy gaze in the dark man's direction.  
  
"That's Kela, Severus," Jona said, voice rather cold. "The other girl is Lucretia and the boy is Martin."  
  
"How nice."  
  
Remus saw that the aura Snape gave off of a slightly bored, professional doctor-like man, meant that he was furious. Either that or simply not knowing how he felt.  
  
-Hello-  
  
So, everything *was* alright with Rat. The werewolf felt his heart lift. It meant that things with Severus weren't as bad as they seemed.  
  
-He's very tired-  
  
**I thought he would be**  
  
-Yes. Well.... what are these underlings doing here?-  
  
**They're his family**  
  
-Oh?-  
  
**Yes**  
  
Rat gave a very rodent-like snort.  
  
**Where are you?**  
  
-In a pocket. Can't have his underlings knowing he keeps rats now, can we?-  
  
**He said that?**  
  
-No. But it would be prudent not to make my presence too obvious-  
  
**True**  
  
Throughout this little dialogue, Severus continued to exchange quiet words with Dumbledore. Remus felt something like a pang of jealousy at the fact that Severus hadn't even bothered to even look once in his direction.  
  
-Good bye-  
  
**So soon?**  
  
There was no reply as, without a word, Severus left the room.  
  
~  
  
Dinner wasn't uncomfortable, as such. What was uncomfortable was the relationship between the three Snapes. Despite the fact that in a way, Eleni didn't seem to hold Jona in much esteem, either, it was obvious that she considered him to be worth more in value of her time and energy, than Severus. He didn't seem to care, but being so excluded from them made his presence all the more remarkable. It was difficult to explain.  
  
Lira was aware of this too, and wisely spent most of the meal sandwiched between her husband and Remus, occassionally talking to either.  
  
Lucretia, Martin and Kela remained well-behaved, the last two more in particular, with Martin more than a little observant of his strange uncle. For the most part, his uncle appeared oblivious to his attention and remained quiet and in thought.  
  
**Rat?**  
  
-Yes?-  
  
**What is the matter with Severus?**  
  
There was a brief pause, which was ended with Rat's voice taking on a weary tone. - I don't know. He left me alone for a while. I couldn't get through to him-  
  
That surprised Remus. He thought that if anyone could ever get through to Severus when others couldn't, it'd be Rat. The werewolf also began to wonder why Severus had spent so long talking to Dumbledore when he'd first arrived.  
  
-Maybe you can-  
  
Remus gave an inward laugh.  
  
-What is so funny? You are another two-legger. You will be able to talk to him. There are some things that I shall never understand, you know. You would, however...-  
  
**Not Severus**  
  
-Please-  
  
Rat was literally *begging* or at least, as far as rats dare to go.  
  
**Because you think I may be able to get through to him?**  
  
A mental nod.  
  
**You overestimate my powers**  
  
-Don't mock me!- Rat snapped, with such a violent force that Remus nearly jumped, causing Lira to give him an odd look. - I have asked; will you grant my request?-  
  
**If that's what makes you happy**  
  
-It is. Good-  
  
With that, Rat was gone.  
  
~  
  
"Severus?"  
  
He knocked again, then placed his ear against the door in an attempt to hear anything from inside the room. "Severus?"  
  
The door opened, causing Remus to very nearly fall forward. Snape, angered, leaned against the door frame, arms folded. His black eyes smouldered and his lips were drawn tightly. Remus had always known Snape to be cranky, but he really didn't like this sudden temperment.  
  
"Are you alright?" He asked, rather lamely.  
  
"Yes, I'm fine."  
  
The werewolf kept his gaze down. "You didn't seem so at dinner--" Snape rolled his eyes and moved as if about to close the door. "--and you just look... tired..." He went on quickly.  
  
"Well I am."  
  
"Right... yes, of course..."  
  
Snape moved with a very small but speedy motion. He blinked quickly and lifted an arm to lean against the door.  
  
"Are you sure... you're alright..." Remus started again.  
  
This time, there was a strangled note in the man's voice. "I'm *fine*. This can't be all you wanted to ask me, now, can it?"  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"No. It isn't..." The werewolf felt himself stand a bit straighter and raise his face to meet Severus'. "You didn't speak at all to me... when you arrived. I thought you would've... of course," he added quickly as the beginnings of a sneer appeared on the man's face. "I didn't expect you to automatically leap into my arms when you arrived but... you seemed to be completely... oblivious to the fact that I was there."  
  
"I had other things to worry about, Remus." The Potions Master said in a low voice.  
  
"Yeah... yes, you would... I know it *was* rather selfish of me, I guess..." Remus gave a shy smile and he swore that Severus seemed to soften a bit. "There's nothing I can do to help?"  
  
Snape looked down.  
  
"No. There isn't..." he paused. "Remus--"  
  
"Yes?" Remus replied softly, leaning forward. The other man looked up at him and for the first time, Remus saw actual *sadness* in his eyes. Very gently, he put his lips against Snape's and felt his lower lip become trapped between the Potion Master's.  
  
"I'm sorry--"  
  
"What?" The other man's black eyes bore into his. The kiss barely went any further and Snape broke away. However, seemingly unbeknown to both men, the hand that Snape had previously moved and Remus' left, had met and remained holding each other.  
  
"This has to stop..."  
  
Lupin felt himself freeze. "Why?"  
  
Severus began to chew his lips. "It just has to."  
  
"That's not a reason..."  
  
"Lupin, please," that brought Remus to attention. The tone was eeriely reminiscent of Rat's pleading earlier and the way Snape said it... it was as if it were a somehow familiar mantra... "I simply want you to leave me alone... for a while," he added as if in afterthought. "I don't know..."  
  
"You just want me to leave," Lupin repeated.  
  
Snape nodded. Then he closed the door.  
  
*  
  
Huzzah! 


	24. Tranquilo

I'm beginning to hate writing this. Really. The words just won't come out... fuck it fuck it fuck it...  
  
Chapter 24: Tranquilo  
  
Remus - as silly as it seemed - didn't go down to breakfast the next morning. He felt slightly queasy, perhaps due to the fact that he hadn't been able to sleep the previous night. There was also the nagging sense that he simply couldn't go down and be at the same table as Severus.  
  
He hadn't spoken to anyone all morning. In fact, he only got out of his room some time near eleven, having spent the past five hours sitting on his bed and reading.  
  
When he did, Lira was the first to see him. She hurried towards him, face anxious - though she radiated a new sort of glow that the werewolf had to take as a good sign - and eyes full of questions. As she came closer, she slowed and finally stopped, nervously wringing her hands.  
  
"Hello," he said finally.  
  
"Morning," she breathed, still fidgety. "Remus are you--?"  
  
"I'm fine," he replied, giving an odd sort of smile. "What about you?"  
  
"Oh... much better... mainly due to Eleni..." She stopped and swallowed, her gaze down. "I almost thought that... that Severus might have been able to help but... no, he seems to try not to have anything to do with his family."  
  
"Does that worry you?"  
  
Lira gave a dry laugh. "No." She looked up and let her arms drop. "Gods... I'm sick of this... I'm sick of everything, Remus..."  
  
"The war?"  
  
"Not just that..." Lira looked up. "*Everything*... I have a husband who's..." Tears were forming in her eyes. "Oh God... he's not... it's just ... I hate this, Remus," she sniffed. "I hate everything... I-I don't know where I stand... I don't know why he even went to the Azkatral or whatever.. This whole... *thing* with fucking witches and wizards and bad wizards and Merlins and Links and shit... I don't know where I fit in... I'm just some.. some sort of a housewife with a huge, worthless bump on her stomach... It's like... like I'm going insane.. I'm walking down the Putney High street and I'm thinking... you know... there's a school for wizards in Scotland, I wonder how many of you went there... how many of you are fucking secret witches or whatever... It's all *unreal*!" She nearly screamed. The tears were now dribbling their way down her cheeks.  
  
Instinctively, Remus hugged her and was surprised to feel her clutch at him. She kept on saying 'I hate this' into his shoulder. He stroked her hair.  
  
"Severus says he doesn't want anything more to do with me," Remus said.  
  
"Maybe he's in denial," she murmured, voice muffled.  
  
"Yeah.... maybe he is..."  
  
"It happens all the time!" She said, looking up again at Remus, something like a grin on her face despite the tears. She raised her voice slightly at the word 'time' and it sounded rather strained. This made them both giggle. "God... my voice is breaking!"  
  
They both laughed wearily.  
  
Remus only felt Rat's self on the periphery of his consciousness, which was how he knew that Snape had just walked past them, along the corridor that lay at horizontally to the one in which they were, after stopping for a few moments. The werewolf looked up, only in time to see the whirl of a black cloak. At first, he almost drew away from Lira, then thought against it. After all, the man had asked to be left alone.  
  
Lira and Remus spent the rest of the day bitching about the Snapes. Even Severus, though not so much as Lira felt a little sorry for him and Remus would feel guilty.  
  
"I don't *get* them," Lira said, mouth full of Belgian bun. They had taken a trip down to the kitchens and were now both carrying a basket each filled with cakes, pastries and fancy breads. "Its like... Eleni... hates them both, but she just hangs around Jona to be nice and she can't be assed with Severus... I almost feel sorry for Jona, but I still can't stand him."  
  
"His wife is sweet, though," Remus had a hot-cross bun in a hand and took another bite.  
  
"Oh, yeah... she's adorable... a bit annoying, but mainly sweet. God! Don't you just love the way Eleni treats her and Jona as if they're her pets!" Lira burst out laughing. "Poor Miriam... Jona deserves it thought... fucking cad," she viciously hurled the crust of her bun into the lake. They watched as the squid took it. "That is so cool," she said. "I want a squid like that."  
  
"I'll buy you one for your birthday."  
  
"You don't even know when that is!" Lira laughed.  
  
"Who cares? I'll make up a date!"  
  
After wolfing down another pastry, Lira said, "you know, I wonder if Sirius is getting jealous.."  
  
"I hope Severus is," Remus replied without thinking. Lira looked at him sharply.  
  
"It's that bad?" He nodded. "Wow. You really liked him," she said softly, looking down at the grass. "I know how that feels.... what exactly did he say?"  
  
Remus sighed. "He wanted to be alone... He didn't want me near him for a while..." He breathed. "I know it's not that bad, but... it feels as if he wants nothing to do with me, period. It hurts."  
  
"I know," she whispered, laying a hand on the werewolf's shoulder.  
  
"I just wished that he would talk to me..." he began, almost surprised at the bitter edge to his voice. "There seemed to be so much on his mind... continually... and the wall that he would bring up between himself and anyone who got within a two mile radius of him."  
  
Lira's eyes darkened. "I don't think that's his fault," she said quietly.  
  
"I *know* but it was damned frustrating at the best of times," Remus muttered.  
  
They were both silent.  
  
"You know, it'll be Jona putting this Link in place." She started.  
  
"Mm-Hm."  
  
"And Eleni will be going with Severus for the one after that... and then the very last one, Sev will have to put away... smells like fun," she breathed.  
  
Remus turned to her. "Why him?"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Something about that felt very familiar. "That's not an answer," he said carefully.  
  
"It's because he out of all of us is more familiar with the areas that he has to navigate. He is also more likely to escape capture alive, than any of the rest of us." Lira toyed with her wedding ring. "God, I'll be glad when this baby is born... I'll get to smoke!"  
  
Remus laughed.  
  
"Shall we get back inside?" He asked. She nodded.  
  
~  
  
Gods, when had he last done this? When he was fourteen or something? It was actually rather cringeworthy, to be honset. The trick was, just to not think about it.  
  
Gods, the word itself just sounded so horrible and... eurgh.  
  
*Masturbation*  
  
So Remus simply didn't bother.  
  
~  
  
Miriam was fussing over Kela at the dinner table, Jona wasn't present. The children didn't seem to be too unhappy at the fact that their father wasn't present: the had probably been fed some sort of white lie to supplicate them.  
  
Lucretia seemed to be discussing her favourite books with Professor McGonagall, who seemed rather animated and very pleased with the conversation.  
  
With something rather similar to embarrassment, Remus realised that he needn't have worried himself so over having to be anywhere near Severus at the dinner table, because he wasn't present. He hadn't been present at lunch either, Lira had told him earlier, so maybe something was eating him up just as badly as it was Remus.  
  
Martin was being unsually quiet and when the time came for the dessert, Remus found out why.  
  
Using the trifle as an excuse, the boy walked round the table to seat himself next to the werewolf and began to eat his portion, seemingly casual. Then, after about five minutes, he turned to Remus and said, "he must be a vampyre if he's not eating anything."  
  
"Doesn't mean he's a vampyre--"  
  
-Hello-  
  
Remus stopped suddenly. Martin gave him an enquiring sort of look. "Nothing," he smiled, shaking his head. "Yes, maybe you're right... he probably is a vampyre."  
  
**Hello**  
  
-So-  
  
**I'm sorry. He now wants me to have nothing to do with him**  
  
-I know. He went out to the Mountains today-  
  
That startled Remus **They said there was a storm out there... is he okay?**  
  
-He is fine. He is being very quiet. He wouldn't let me go with him. I think he wanted a while alone-  
  
**No surprise**  
  
-It is to be expected. It happens with us sometimes as well... at times, one of us will wish to be alone. It is best to leave them be if they do-  
  
**I know, that's why I'm leaving him alone**  
  
-Mmm-  
  
**I wish he would tell me what was wrong instead of just shutting me out**  
  
-In his own time-  
  
**Which is just too damn slow**  
  
-Still, that is how you will have to deal with it. In his own time-  
  
Remus let the silence fill his brain, taking it as a sort of comfortableness. He could feel Rat's presence within his head and that was enough.  
  
**I liked being close to him**  
  
Rat ground his teeth mentally in a rat chuckle. -Don't we all?-  
  
**What's so funny?**  
  
-You make an odd pair, but it happens with us rats all the time, too. We get odd pairings everywhere-  
  
**Thanks**  
  
Martin was saying something. "I'm sorry?" Remus said. The boy sighed and rolled his eyes with all the authority of a boy his age.  
  
"I *said*, how did you know he wasn't a vampyre in the first place? Have you checked his teeth?"  
  
Remus began to laugh causing Miriam and Eleni to look up at him rather suddenly. "Yes, that's right. His are too short to belong to a vampyre. And he eats all the time. Just not tonight." The werewolf added.  
  
"*Or* in the afternoon," Martin said, disgruntled, as he spooned some more trifle into his mouth. "Doesn't he want to see us?"  
  
"Probably not," Remus shrugged.  
  
"Why? He's our uncle! Uncles *always* want to meet us!" The boy stopped. "So do aunts come to think of it. Why isn't he married? Didn't Society let him?" Something about this made Remus smile even further: the youngest Snapes all seemed to speak of society almost as if it were a real, living person. "Mama says that Society is why Father and he don't talk with each other."  
  
"Society can do that to you," Remus nodded in sage agreement.  
  
"I don't want to be in it, then," Martin said finally.  
  
"Good for you."  
  
"I'll be a chef instead."  
  
Remus decided not to say anything and continued to eat his trifle. With these children hanging around, it was going to be an interesting few weeks.  
  
*  
  
Well, that's sorted thank God. Turning points coming up, children. 


	25. Seven for a secret ne'er to be told

One of my favourite images of an exasperated Lupin: '... he pinched the bridge of his nose...' lol am I a dork or what? I have to blame dovielr to blame for that. Seriously. I was young, and completely in awe of her as she'd written Staffroom Seduction (dovielr now thinks ArchArtist/Writer to be the saddest dork to have ever lived) ah well... the truth is out now... I'll go... hide or something...  
  
Chapter 25: Seven for a secret, ne'er to be told  
  
There was a feverish atmosphere in Hogwarts, the night after. Jona Snape had returned. Triumph of a sorts, seemed iminent what with only two more Links to go.  
  
Remus didn't feel like leaving the noisy sea of students and teachers and guests alike, to attempt slumber by ignoring the feverish moans from Sirius' room. It would be much too embarassing and he would never be able to face Sirius without laughing again.  
  
So, he headed to the Lounge, the nickname given for a just-below-moderately- luxurious room that the staff used, only for the staff, unlike the staffroom in which students could enter if only to get a chance to talk with their tutors. He was pretty sure that there would be no one else there; they'd all be guzzling wine and celebrating the latest success.  
  
**Even someone like Snape**  
  
When he reached the entrance, he noticed that the door was slightly ajar. So, he'd been wrong after all.  
  
Opening it, he was briefly shocked by the lighting, expecting for the skulking loner who was in here at present, to have kept the lighting low.  
  
**Peek-a-boo**  
  
He entered the room.  
  
There was no one there. There was nothing except for a rustling of paper--  
  
**Paper? In a room without windows, paper moving?**  
  
--And a squeak.  
  
"Err... Rat?" Remus heard himself say, his voice husky and odd-sounding to his own ears. "Rat is that you?" **Hark, I'm talking to a rodent as if it's a real human**  
  
Wait.  
  
Indeed, Rat came forward, stopping casually to sniff the table legs and carpet. When he looked up at the human, his whiskers twitched and with that, the rat increased his speed to run up the werewolf's arms. Habitually, Lupin crouched and extended an arm.  
  
"He's not with the others in that Hall, is he?"  
  
-Well, you can't get more obvious than that-  
  
"He was the last time..."  
  
-He wanted to try talking to other two-leggers again. Just for a small while. He even took me-  
  
"Where has he gone, now?"  
  
-Guess-  
  
Remus grinned to himself. "Give me directions, will you? And you can answer my question..."  
  
-sigh-  
  
"What exactly were you doing down here, alone?" Man and rat left the room, Remus remembered to turn out the lights on his way. "I usually see you near Severus, if you're not actually in his pockets." He looked both ways across the corridors. No one else was around and all was well lit.  
  
-I was sniffing. Nothing wrong with that, is there?-  
  
"No... no, of course not..."  
  
* * *  
  
He stepped inside the room. Rat sniffed in approval and reminded the werewolf to shut the door behind him. -He always gets edgy over it- the rat added, before leaping off Remus' arm onto the floor. Remus would never stop wondering how Rat managed to do that with such ease. He himself had certainly never heard of a leaping rat.  
  
"Who is it?" Said a familiar voice from behind one of the doors. Startled, Remus found a suspicious Snape in front of him. The Potions Master's face relaxed slightly on seeing that it was Remus.  
  
"What are you doing here?" He asked softly, black eyes glittering.  
  
"I came as an escort for Rat." Lupin replied. "How are you?"  
  
"Alive."  
  
Remus snorted. "So I see." When Snape turned away, Remus laid a hand lightly on the man's shoulder; those few days had given him enough experience which had taught him to place his hand lightly enough so as not to cause Snape flinching. He moved closer. "We haven't spoken since... I was wondering if you were avoiding me."  
  
"No more than you have." Snape turned his head slightly.  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"Why did you... want me to leave you...?" He asked in a hushed voice. "I thought everything was going just fine between us..."  
  
**Yes, that's right. Admit it, there was no difference to how it was before except for the fact that you'd randomly kiss each other!**  
  
"I thought it was, too."  
  
"Then why...?"  
  
"Because I wanted to." Snape turned round completely now. "Surprised? Believe me, Remus, it wasn't to do with you in particular... I just didn't feel that I was ready for it..." He winced slightly as a sign of frustration at his choice of words and turned his back to Remus again.  
  
**My move**  
  
"Why weren't you ready for it, then?" His chin was resting on Snape's shoulder. "Hm?"  
  
Already, Severus was beginning to tense. Inwardly, Remus sighed. Why did Snape - unless plied with alcohol - react like this? Remus swore that the man knew he'd never do anything to hurt him intentionally. Why was it always like this?  
  
"It didn't feel right."  
  
"*I* didn't feel right?"  
  
"No," Snape said, a bit of impatience in his voice. "The relationship. I'm not used to..." he trailed off.  
  
Lupin tried to nod gently, his chin still in the crook of Snape's neck. "I understand."  
  
"No... you don't." Snape whispered, pulling himself away from the werewolf. He laughed hollowly. "You never would..."  
  
Remus looked down at his shoes. "Try me."  
  
"Why?" The sallow-skinned man sneered.  
  
"I want to know." He crossed his arms. "Severus," he went on, in a gentler tone. "We were a little more than just mere acquaintances for a while... something like a week, yes? Yet still, I knew practically nothing about you. Then you decided that you didn't want me getting any closer... you never told me why... and there were other things as well... how you'd always flinch whenever I'd touch you... even if it was just on the shoulder. I mean, can't you at least think of it as a debt just waiting to be paid?"  
  
"Oh, now isn't that witty."  
  
"I know... riotously so." He paused, waiting for Snape to react. He'd say nothing more, for now.  
  
The silence lasted for quite a bit before Snape muttered, "I don't know where to start."  
  
"The very beginning?"  
  
"No."  
  
Remus replied in an imitation of Snape's voice. "Well then, where else do you propose you start?" He raised an eyebrow as Snape turned to lay a smouldering, yet cold gaze on him.  
  
"I could just not start at all," he said in an undertone through clenched teeth. "Now that I come to think of it, I don't actually want to... I could go on for ever... and you'd...." again, he trailed off. Perhaps exaggerating his exasperation, Remus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please stop that, Remus," Snape murmured, his voice tired and no longer edged with annoyance. "It's not easy... and..." this time, he seemed to be trying to find the right words. ".. I haven't... *trusted* many people before..." he sighed.  
  
"All right, I'll take it easy with you," getting a chair, Remus sat on it.  
  
"No... For God's sake, get up, Lupin... the more I feel as if I'm just a patient in line for psychiatric help, the less inclined I feel to talk." Remus could empathise with that.  
  
"D'you think we could start with Dumbledore?" Remus asked quietly. He took a step back when Snape turned suddenly to face him, black eyes unreadable but facial muscles bunched and tense. "Don't scare me like that," he added. "I only mentioned Dumbledore because he's the one who seems to gather the most interesting reactions from you..." at the look on Snape's face, he went on hurriedly. "I'm sorry to have put it that way, but, it's true... even Sirius has noticed it. You always act so odd around him, and it's lately that it has become much more noticeable."  
  
When Snape didn't reply immediately, Remus headed for the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Tonic water. "May I?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Another silence, this one thoughtful rather than cold.  
  
"What do you mean by 'lately'?" Snape asked, voice deathly quiet.  
  
"Hm? Oh-- About a month before we started... getting closer to each other. I was worried, shall we say, when I saw you flinch whenever he came near you..." Remus took a sip from his glass, eyes on Snape. He was beginning to fidget. Recovering from the momentary shock, Remus shook his head: Snape *didn't* fidget.  
  
"I was tired... highly strung..." he murmured. "Nothing more..."  
  
"Then what about me?"  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"Why did you flinch whenever--"  
  
"I *told* you! I wasn't used to that sort of relationship!" Snape replied quietly but still rather heated. "I-I didn't expect it to go so far... I didn't know how to react... it wasn't unpleasant, it was just not..."  
  
"Right?"  
  
Snape looked down to the floor. Lupin took another sip at his glass.  
  
"You didn't think it was right," Remus said finally.  
  
"Close. But not quite," Snape muttered irritably. "After..." he stopped. "It didn't..." The werewolf could tell that Snape was getting truly annoyed with himself.  
  
"After what?"  
  
No reply.  
  
"Severus, tell--"  
  
"I don't--"  
  
"You *do*... you have to-"  
  
"No, I do not!"  
  
"Yes, listen-"  
  
"No! *You* listen--!"  
  
"After what? Tell me! After what?!" Both men stopped; Snape looked shocked that Remus had raised his voice to such an extreme. Remus was just as shocked too.  
  
The normally calm, detached Potions Master began to stutter, meeting Remus' eyes for a moment of two before looking away and - as if shielding himself - crossing his arms around him.  
  
"After Dumbledore." He whispered.  
  
The werewolf was stunned. "Wh-what do you mean?... You were lo--" He stopped. "Oh, Gods..."  
  
"I did try to warn you..." Snape was now speaking through clenched teeth and had well and truly barricaded himself. "I told you, you wouldn't understand... I thought you knew..."  
  
"How could I have known? Did anyone else know?"  
  
Snape and Dumbledore, lovers? Since when? Surely, it would have been staff gossip... he would have heard...  
  
"Since when?" He asked in a hollow voice, heart leadened.  
  
"It was- It was in our... our second year," was the quiet reply.  
  
**Hold on...**  
  
"You weren't--"  
  
**Shit--**  
  
Snape looked up at him, puzzlement one of the many emotions visible. "He abused you... he abused you didn't he?"  
  
"Keep your voice--"  
  
"He abused you!" Remus took a step closer to Snape who was still refusing to meet his eyes. If he kept on going, the man'd go into the table. "He fucking abused you! Who else knew?!"  
  
"N-no one... I think."  
  
"No-one!"  
  
"I didn't tell anyone, did I?" Snape hissed. "And keep quiet! Do you want everyone else to hear?"  
  
"And that's why you despised us... That's..."  
  
"Oh, be quiet!" Snape snapped. "No, it isn't... I simply distrusted you, that's all... That's nothing to do with it... it was only later..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"... when you began to get noticed by the teachers... Dumbledore led me on to believe... th- that he was doing the same to you," Snape's sallow complexion was beginning to pink. "I thought you enjoyed it... I'm sorry.. I didn't know, really... it's just.... I was young, I didn't have anywhere else...-"  
  
"Why are *you* apologising?" Remus demanded. "*He's* the one--"  
  
"Calm down! You have to listen to me! I was as bad as he! I *let* him, remember?"  
  
"BUT YOU DIDN'T *LIKE* IT, DID YOU?" Lupin heard himself roar.  
  
"Remus, please-"  
  
"DID YOU?"  
  
"No! But, I thought.. I mean, I let him... let him carry on with it..."  
  
"Any child would... Severus..."  
  
"It was as if I was getting a one up on everyone else... but I hated it..." Snape went on, "I hated it...I swear I-... and I got jealous... I hated it... and I thought the others he ...that they enjoyed it... I didn't know I must have been the only one... I was young... I was so confused..." he closed his eyes. "And now look at me." His gaze was hard and relentless. "Remus.... promise me, that you will *never*..."  
  
"He deserves to fucking *die*!" To think of all the things Dumbledore had cost them...to think he had *trusted* a dirty pervert...  
  
"...*never* repeat this..."  
  
"Severus--"  
  
"PROMISE ME!"  
  
Remus gulped. "O-of course." It took several minutes for himto calm down, before he managed to say, "how do you know you must have been the only one?"  
  
Severus shrugged. "He didn't call anyone else up... I didn't realise that at the time, but still... and I was an easy target... my father died when I was five... six-ish..."  
  
**'Last Family Photo'... how old must he have been... six?**  
  
"But-"  
  
"I DON'T KNOW!" He screamed. "Now go away! Please!" Panting lightly, he controlled his voice. "Or don't. I don't care. Just whatever you do... Never... not a word of this..."  
  
The werewolf shook his head.  
  
"Whatever you say, love." It came out before he realised.  
  
Snape looked at him, incredulous. "Love?" He began to laugh, somewhat hysterically. It was only enhanced by the fact that there was no actual smile upon his face.  
  
"You don't mind, do you?" Remus said slowly.  
  
"I left you, Remus. I left you and you call me love. I tell you things I never dreamed of telling anyone and you call me love. Please tell me it just slipped out. Please tell me that it came out before you realised. You wouldn't have any idea if I hadn't decided to tell you and I've been coping for over twenty-five years now, there is no need to overreact, because you just did... and you call me love..." He shook his head derisively.  
  
"Does he know... how it affected you..." Remus blinked. "I mean... haven't you *confronted* him?"  
  
"How could I?" Snape sighed. "I will... sooner or later... sooner, I think."  
  
"How can you--?"  
  
"There have been other things happening to me, since. I'm not as twisted as you probably think I am. Dumbledore hasn't turned me into a complete retard. And then there's the timing..." Snape gave Remus a rueful look.  
  
"You're being so calm about all of this..." He wasn't, of course, but cnsidering how Snape could get... this wasn't the Snape he knew... Snape was a man of extremes.  
  
"I've had more than a quarter of a century to think about it. I was content just to never get myself involved in an intimate... partnership... I can't stand to be touched, as no doubt you know... I told you myself... I coped on my own, did just fine, but then..."  
  
"I came along," Remus whispered.  
  
"Mmm..." Snape absent mindedly stroked his left forearm.  
  
Suddenly outside, there were numerous thuds, all rapid and thundering. Both men stepped towards the door, mentally bracing themselves for whatever was coming through that door. When Remus stopped walking forward, Snape continued until they were close enough for the werewolf to feel his former lover's breath on his neck.  
  
Two loud knocks on the door.  
  
"Severus? SEVERUS?"  
  
It was Sirius. "Severus, please... I can't find Remus and... "  
  
"Come on," Snape murmured. "Duty calls."  
  
*  
  
Crowd: Oooooooooooooooooooooooh! I do feel a bit sorry for you, now. Don't worry... we are so close to the end, I think I lost control in this chapter. Any harsh critisms? I will *gladly* take them... 


	26. Woman of Troy

Jesus, it's finally happened. It was like *WHAM!* Remus KNOWS!!!! Mwahahahahahahahaha! Question: I am very worried with the quality of this fic. It *is* okay, isn't it? Apart from grammar and spelling mistakes...  
  
An apology: I haven't written about them - two transformations have gone by and I didn't realise. Ooops! I'll add them in sooner or later... maybe later...  
  
Oh yeah, to Lunatic: I was going through the reviews and yes, Ian McKellen *is* kinda good looking for his age, isn't he? *coughs nervously* Well... since *that's* come out, where should we go and hide for the rest of our lives (and send anonymous posts to our unusual tastes...)???  
  
Chapter 26: Woman of Troy  
  
When Sirius had alerted them so suddenly, Remus had thought that there was a problem with Lira. However, they went right past Sirius' rooms - halting to meet up with Lira who was waiting outside - and then straight up to Dumbledore's office.  
  
After they had entered the office, a good deal many more did as well, all looking rather confused and bewildered.  
  
Dumbledore, filled with purpose, went to the desk when there were enough people there, ready to listen. His eyes scanned them all, rather critically, it seemed to Remus. Something the werewolf hadn't seen in the man's eyes before.  
  
**Dirty old--**  
  
"Hasty arrangements, I am very sorry," he began. "I simply wanted to speak with Eleni and Severus."  
  
Before he could help himself, Remus gave Severus an anxious look then managed to look away. As the man had said before, he had had quarter of a century to deal with it and he'd coped before Remus had come along.  
  
The two went up to talk to Dumbledore whilst the others there filed out. Remus made sure that he was the last one to go.  
  
He waited for them to come out.  
  
Although he knew that Severus had made him promise that he would never tell anyone, Remus couldn't help wondering if maybe Eleni knew and if that explained her coldness towards her younger brother. However, the more he thought about it, it would be more of a reason for her to hate *Dumbledore* rather than her brother.  
  
He was no Messiah, and he didn't pretend to be, but perhaps simply bending his promise a *little*... for the good of all...  
  
The two Snapes exited. Severus looked none too surprised - exasperated if anything - by the fact that Remus was there. Eleni rose an eyebrow, smiled politely and walked off in the opposite direction. Remus dropped in step next to Severus.  
  
"Does she know you're gay?" He murmured.  
  
"I doubt. But she probably *thinks* I am... suspects it a bit..." Rat crawled along to sit on Severus' shoulder, and sat in the position of a watchful meercat. "Get *down* you!"  
  
-Be quiet you-  
  
"I shall put you in a cage," Severus threatened. "With sawdust at the bottom and metal bars..."  
  
-Ha ha-  
  
"And empty toilet rolls and little plastic rungs..."  
  
-*Stop that!*-  
  
"Get down then."  
  
Rat obeyed, causing Remus to smile broadly. "You know," he began. "Your nephew Martin thinks you're a vampyre."  
  
Snape smirked grimly. "Does he now?"  
  
"Mm. He's beginning to wonder why he doesn't have an auntie from you, now. Thinks that Society is to blame..." Severus actually grinned at this point.  
  
"Would you like to be Aunty Remus, then?"  
  
Lupin shuddered. "Drag takes up too much time. I can never get it on right." He looked back at Eleni. Severus noticed this and nudged Remus in the side.  
  
"I really don't want you to tell her, Remus," he murmured, so quietly that Remus almost couldn't hear him. "*Really* don't want you to tell her."  
  
Remus nodded. "Alright."  
  
**Loop-hole**  
  
Severus remained looking uncomfortable, however. Well, Remus couldn't do anything about that.  
  
However, he asked him anyway. "You still seem really uneasy... are you sure it's nothing I've done?"  
  
"I keep on getting the feeling that someone might've overheard: we raised our voices a fair number of times..."  
  
-Goodness. Get him to stop fussing, moon-dog. At least in my presence-  
  
**I don't think I can**  
  
~  
  
"So..." Remus began. "How long will you be away?"  
  
Snape crossed over the room again. "It's hardly that long," he said through gritted teeth. "Eleni will return first after 29 hours and then I'll be back in an additional 12." Off he went into the adjoining study and returned with several sheafs of parchment.  
  
"Will Rat be going with you?"  
  
-No-  
  
"Why not?"  
  
The Potions Master stopped. Although surverying the room carefully, he said at the same time, "it's completely uneccessary."  
  
Remus looked towards Rat who was seated on the bed. The rat sneezed. -Aye, he's right-  
  
"Don't you take my word for it?" Severus looked at the werewolf sharply.  
  
"Oh-" Remus added quickly, so as not to cause offense. Snape seemed particularly tense. "No, no... nothing like that."  
  
"Don't say anything stupid whilst I'm gone, mind," Snape added, absent mindedly taking out a walnut for Rat to nibble on. He stroked the rat's back. "And I expect you to change your mind about our... relationship by the time I get back."  
  
The werewolf snorted. "I doubt it'll happen. I do care for you, Severus... as much of a surprise as it must be."  
  
"Hm. Go away, now Remus."  
  
"Yes sir." Before Snape could protest, Remus kissed him thoroughly, leaving Snape rather short of breath.  
  
"Bastard."  
  
The werewolf pecked his cheek and walked out of the room.  
  
At times, Remus feared for his sanity. Usually, he reassured himself that he had good reason to, but sometimes, he would just shrug and pretend to ignore it. This was one of those times in which he feared for his sanity.  
  
He took the extended journey to the Entrance Hall, something in him - however unconsciously - hoping to meet Eleni.  
  
She was there, getting her cloaks and equipment on with the help of a fussing Miriam and excited nephew and neices. As Lupin approached - she was putting on some lightweight gloves which made Remus realise that this journey must be especially serious - she looked up, oblivious to exclamations from Miriam and her young relations.  
  
"Mr. Lupin?" She asked.  
  
"Yes." He replied with a nod. "Before you go - may I have a word?"  
  
Eleni gave him a carefully blank look (though he could tell it was the one she used to regard others. It was the same as Severus') then nodded. Miriam looked up at her with a question in her eyes.  
  
She nodded again.  
  
Making sure her sister-in-law and relations had departed well out of hearing, she turned to Remus face on. "What is it, Remus?"  
  
Firstly, he made sure that their gazes were locked. Rather ruthless, maybe, but he wanted to see her reactions.  
  
"You and Severus," he began. "For brother and sister, you're none too close."  
  
"Ah," she raised an eyebrow. "You've noticed." She gave a rather tired smile, her eyes weary, and it made her look so much older. "Yes, we're none too close. Why?"  
  
"Actually," he began softly, "That was what I was thinking, too."  
  
Eleni sighed. "I don't know, to be honest. Probably some sort of silly feud, as you get in most families."  
  
"Really? Couldn't you just apologise then?" He raised an eyebrow.  
  
She actually laughed. She laughed so hard, when she spoke, she sounded slightly hoarse. "Yes! Yes, of course! Why *couldn't* we just apologise?" Eleni shook her head. "It's not that simple... some time ago now, he made it quite clear that he wanted nothing more to do with us."  
  
Remus ploughed on. "Didn't you think, *why* though?"  
  
She gave him a look. "No. Obviously I didn't."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I had my own family to raise... I was a young, orphaned, Jewish mother with four, young children at that time. If someone had told me that I'd have two more, I would have killed myself," she saw the look on Remus' face. "Seriously. You could say it was something to do with my nerves, I wouldn't know." She paused. "After realising that my pleadings - and I'm not one to beg - weren't getting anywhere... I decided to call it a day. I left him be."  
  
Lupin paused. What had impressed him, was that Eleni had kept her eyes firmly locked onto his.  
  
"Did you regret it?" He asked softly.  
  
She gave a snort. "Of course I did," she replied in a voice that sounded like a hiss; her eyes had narrowed slightly. "I went mad over him. He was my little brother, but he also was my superior, if you look at it traditionally. I loved him so much... isn't that odd? I never cared much for Jona, I'm ashamed to say... He had everyone crowded round him, he didn't need his siblings as much as Severus' and I had needed each other." Eleni finally looked down at her shoes. "But when he gradually pushed me away, when I needed him so much," she shrugged again, meeting Remus' gaze. "I decided to let go."  
  
After a pause, she muttered, "Damn, I need a smoke."  
  
Remus laughed. "It's bad for you, you know."  
  
Eleni gave him a guilty grin. "I can see why Severus would like you."  
  
That made him start. Then she gave anther laugh, now sounding like a wise grandmother. "Don't be surprised. I know he's a homosexual. I know you're close, I can tell: I didn't poke around, so don't worry - it's none of my business. I do know, though."  
  
"Then I ought to tell you something I know," he said, eyes serious in - though he wasn't aware of it - that gentle way of his. She looked at him. "Severus was abused by Dumbledore whilst he was in school," he said. "From what he's told me, it started when he was around 12 years old." Eleni's face had frozen, her eys filled with a kind of horror and her mouth slightly open.  
  
"Why didn't he--?"  
  
"--Tell you?" Remus finished for her. He gave a low, short, rather cold laugh. "Why should he. He hated himself. He had no reason that anyone would want to help him." He sighed.  
  
She had her hands clenched. It took Remus a few moments before he realised that she was trembling with fury. Tears had started to film her eyes. "That... that *bastard*... I'll - I'll... I'll fucking choke him on his own scrotum, I will..." Speaking calmly seemed to be take a large amount of effort. "He ruined my family, Remus! He *ruined* it and I'm working for him!"  
  
"No!" Remus said, reaching out for her and holding her arms. "You're working for him, fighting for *us*... fighting for people that could be killed just because they can't use a wand or their parents can't!" He tried to catch her gaze, but she was furious. "Eleni!"  
  
Eventually she blinked, stopped an swallowed. "Yes," she murmured. "Yes, you're right... it's for those poor muggle children who could end up mutilated and raped or whatever..." She spoke again, eyes far away. "I found out... that Severus was part of that group... but he left of his own accord... I wonder why?"  
  
Footsteps could be heard on the stairs behind him. They both turned round and saw Severus, smilarly attired with a similar bag on his shoulder. His gaze shifted from one to the other.  
  
"Eleni?" He asked softly, eyes on Remus. "Are you ready?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
Together, the two walked on, to the doors, and opened them. Severus turned to Remus. "Bye," he said, a gentle look in his eyes.  
  
Remus nodded and laid two fingertips against his lips. Severus gave him a look of mild disgust, then closed the door behind him.  
  
"Good luck," The werewolf whispered.  
  
*  
  
Sorry it took so long. Got a bit corny, didn't it? I was in a hurry... 


	27. Dominoes

To @_@: Yes, it is exceedingly illogical. Check out Rat's feeling about it. That is one sarky rat. I was in a hurry and I didn't want to stretch the story out for too long, then all the chapters would be too short. Maybe when this is over, before I post it up on a fanlisting, I'll go over that little bit again.  
  
Chapter 27: Dominoes  
  
As Severus had predicted, Eleni returned within the next 29 hours. She was actually back in much less than that. With a confident smile, she had assure Remus that her younger brother was sure to come back sooner than 12 hours, as well.  
  
When Remus sat in Snape's office, he was greeted by an agitated Rat. When he first saw him, he thought the rat was ill. His fur was rough and unkempt, his eyes overly bright and he seemed to tremble at intervals. He pattered speedily up to Remus, leapt onto his hand and brushed himself feverishly for a few moments. Then, with all the might he could, Rat suddenly blasted.  
  
-WHY DID YOU GO AND DO *THAT*?-  
  
"Ouch," the werewolf smiled slightly. "Nosebleed."  
  
-I asked you to *HELP* him! WHY DID YOU TELL HER?-  
  
Lupin shook his head. "I'm insane, I should have warned you."  
  
-It's not funny!-  
  
Rat then nipped him on a knuckle very hard indeed and leapt down, muttering to himself all the while about foolish moon-dogs. Lupin almost began to chuckle, but wasn't sure if the rat would leap back and bite his nose.  
  
After that, Remus just avoided everyone else, occassionally reading bits of Samuel Snape's journal. The bits where he described his first son were the most touching, the werewolf had to admit. He still enjoyed re-reading it, because he always found a new way to interpretate Samues' words and how they portrayed his emotions.  
  
At lunch, he observed Eleni from time to time. There didn't seem to be much of a difference: she was still a playful aunt, a teasing sister-in-law and a slightly domineering older sister. Quite different from her outburst the day before, she was very polite and talkative with Dumbledore.  
  
Rat seemed to be so angry with Remus, that he began to get quite fearless. He continued to run around the table, particularly snuffling at Martin's feet who often fed him a grape or a small piece of cheese, always sending furtive looks in his mother's direction. Remus found this rather amusing: he could imagine Miriam's reaction if there was a rat at the dinner table.  
  
Jona spent most of his time reading a few of the larger, more impressive tomes of the Restricted Section, sometimes leaning to talk to one of the Professors, usually not eating much. This rather surprised Remus: Jona seemed such a hearty fellow, it was strange to think of him not eating much.  
  
Lira and Sirius seemed not to want to talk to anyone else and kept to themselves. Remus couldn't blame them.  
  
Overall, the general atmosphere was one of calm. It was understandable, though, as they were so sure of success, this time round. They had succeeded all the past times: of course they would do the same with this last one.  
  
Two hours after the twelve hour deadline, Remus began to worry. Severus still hadn't returned. Occasionally, he and Eleni would throw nervous glances with each other. He decided to go and join her.  
  
"So it was okay... the first step, I mean, right?" he said.  
  
She nodded. "I can't think why it would take him so long." She loosened the muscles in her shoulders. "Still," she added, "it's only two hours. He may be quite nearby already."  
  
Remus could see the sense in that, so he nodded, not wanting to cause himself any unnecessary grief.  
  
~  
  
"He should be back by now."  
  
Eventually, Remus simply couldn't stay there alone pacing his room. He hated the fact that he was worrying so much because Snape hadn't returned. Although maybe he had good reason to be: when he'd tried to reach out to Rat, he found that the rodent had answered in rather agitated tones.  
  
So that was why he was here (with Eleni sitting in a chair against a wall, stroking a purring sable black cat) in Dumbledore's office, pacing in the company of others.  
  
"Shouldn't he?"  
  
"Please Remus," Eleni murmured rather weakly. "You're making me dizzy."  
  
Remus stopped. Then he walked over to the window and gazed out into the descending darkness.  
  
-Moon dog?-  
  
At first he didn't reply.  
  
-Moon dog? I know you can hear me...- Rat's mental voice now had a bitter edge to it. -Oh alright then!- he snapped. -REMUS?-  
  
**Yes?**  
  
Rat sighed. -It's him. I can feel him. But it hurts. It's never done that before-  
  
Which caused Remus to worry a bit more. He couldn't quite describe it, the worrying sensation inside him. Simply to say 'worrying' didn't seem enough. It didn't quite encompass the feeling that he was quite alone or going to be at any rate. The sheer feeling of helplessness and weight at the bottom of your heart could never quite be put into words.  
  
-And you're no better-  
  
**Thank you**  
  
Rat sighed again. But apart from that, he was silent, though Remus could still sense him being there somewhere in his head.  
  
-I know you care for him-  
  
**That's rather perceptive of you**  
  
-Even that underling of his knows it-  
  
**Eleni? That's his sister**  
  
-Underling. He rules the family, can't you see? He left it and it nearly broke down: she told you herself. I don't think even he knows it, but I certainly do-  
  
The werewolf turned, leaning his back against the glass panes. His eyes weren't seeing, just gazing in a certain direction (at the floor, to be honest) paying no attention to whatever was within his range of vision.  
  
The sky behind him was quickly turning darker.  
  
"Remus," Dumbledore began in a heavy voice, "he shall be back quite soon. You must stop worrying: it's doing none of us any good."  
  
Lupin turned his eyes to the older wizard and gazed at him levelly, electric blue eyes equally galling, staring right back into his calming grey ones. "Please," Dumbledore said again.  
  
The werewolf looked away.  
  
"Would you like to play chess with me?" Came a quiet voice from a corner of the room. Both men looked up to see a slightly smiling Eleni, giving Remus an earnest look, dark eyes glittering. "I can play rather well, you know."  
  
It reminded Lupin of Lira's younger brother.  
  
"Alright," he replied, voice equally as soft. Walking up to her, he pulled out a chair. "Do you want to be white or black?"  
  
~  
  
The first rumble that came from the hearth was largely ignored. It was the gentlest of tremors, barely causing the instruments on the mantlepiece to shudder.  
  
With the second and third one, the aforesaid instruments began to jingle as they lightly struck each other and soot from the hearth began to appear in the form of very small billows of black cloud. Remus, Dumbledore and Eleni all turned to face it.  
  
The soot began to whirl and green smoke appeared, but with a rather dangerous looking, red edge to it's emerald colour.  
  
It began to whirl more violently, until finally, the sound was like that of being trapped within a hurricane. Sharp whistles echoed within their ears and the instruments and ornaments were knocking against each other and rocking, protesting all the while very loudly.  
  
A shape began to appear in the whirls of smoke. It seemed to be trying to get away from something, shadows that looked like arms flailing.  
  
"Severus?" Eleni whispered, the tips of her fingers at her lips.  
  
A sudden bang and out from the hearth stumbled Snape, weary and pale, sweat trickling down the side of his face, making little tracks in the soot and grime.  
  
"Severus!" Remus started to move towards him. However, the hearth had started to rumble again, soot now belching furiously from it's open mouth of stone.  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
Snape withdrew a small pouch from within his cloak and threw a fistful of purple powder from inside it, hurling it into the fireplace. The rumblings subsided.  
  
Staggering, Snape found something of a support in Remus' shoulder. "Severus?" Lupin whispered into his ear, lips barely moving. The man nodded and then turned - albeit with some difficulty - to Dumbledore. He coughed.  
  
"Here," he said hoarsely. "Your goddamn last Link." A stone that glinted yellow flew from the air from the Potions Master's hand into Dumbledore's own.  
  
The Headmaster paused, gazing at the stone within his hand. He looked up at Snape who was still breathing raggedly, leaning heavily on the werewolf's shoulder.  
  
"Thank you--"  
  
"--Please..." Snape held up a hand to stop the older man. "Spare me for now; of course you'll be grateful... don't thank me, though... just let me sleep..."  
  
~  
  
"I was so worried," he heard himself whisper into Snape's now slightly wet hair. As soon as they had entered his rooms, Remus had held Severus in a very tight embrace but Snape had reminded him that he needed a shower.  
  
Now that Snape had had the shower, Remus wasted no time in getting him in his arms again.  
  
"Hush, now," Severus stroked his hair rather awkwardly. He held Remus' face with both hands, their noses almost touching.  
  
Remus leaned forward and pressed his lips roughly against Severus'. To his inward surprise, Snape responded. When they parted, he could see amusement in the back of those usually wintry tunnels that were his eyes.  
  
"What happened?" Remus asked.  
  
Snape shrugged. "Some wretched Death Eater probably. Sensed my presence, began to run after me. They're getting smarter, working magics like that together, I'm surprised to say. They created a sort of barrier... like the one surrounding this school... only not as old, not as complex, but effective nonetheless." He paused. "I ought to tell Dumbledore."  
  
His eyes went darker.  
  
"Perhaps," he went on, "we ought to keep the Seeing Opal on full time."  
  
"Why?" The wereowlf asked.  
  
"We've got to keep an eye on them. Of course, they'll employ new tactics, but even this..." Snape cocked his head to one side, giving Remus a look with twinkling black eyes. "Thank you, by the way."  
  
Remus started. "What on earth for?"  
  
There was another pause. "I'm ... glad, in a way, I supose," he started, now serious again. "Flattered that you should care for me enough to be so worried."  
  
"How did you know I was so worried?"  
  
Severus snorted. "You weren't?"  
  
Remus brushed his lips against Snape's and went on to nuzzle his neck. "You're right as usual."  
  
"'As usual'?" Snape said, parting away and raising his eyebrow. "I'm not always right: I hope you weren't mocking me."  
  
"I wouldn't dare."  
  
There was a sceptical silence.  
  
"Good." Snape pecked him on the cheek. "That's the way it should be."  
  
*  
  
I love you all. Your reviews are like food to me. 


	28. Rump Logic

The area of Belgium where French is normally spoken is - I'm pretty sure - the main farming area. Isn't it?  
  
Chapter 28: Rump Logic  
  
They went to bed together that night, spooned within each other, the contact soothing and comfortable rather than reminiscent of daker memories. Or, at any rate, so Remus hoped. Still, Severus didn't seem to mind and they both managed to sleep rather well.  
  
The morning brought a heavy, pale yellow sort of light filtering through the windows. Remus noted that Severus was still slumbering away, looking rather peaceful.  
  
Taking the initiative, the werewolf swooped down and kissed him gently on the cheek. Snape stirred, mumbled and then shifted further onto his side, away from Remus. The werewolf smiled then snuggled up closer to him.  
  
"Morning, Severus," he murmured wickedly into the man's ear.  
  
"Go *away*."  
  
"Sure?"  
  
"I just want to *sleep*." There was a pause. "Now piss off and leave me be."  
  
~  
  
If anyone had been around early enough in the morning, they would have seen two men with armfuls of food making their way upstairs.They would have also registered with some surprise, that both men were giggling.  
  
~  
  
"So," Remus said, grinning, bread crumbs spraying as he spoke.  
  
"So?"  
  
"When did you find out that you were gay?"  
  
Snape paused. "Rather early on. But I thought it was something to do with Dumbledore, which improved things to no end..."  
  
"Really?"  
  
He nodded. "You have no idea... the feeling of being unclean... it's indescribable..." he took another bite of his toast. "Now that I can rationalise it... think about it clearly.. rather clinically, to be honest, but even so... I felt I was on a different level from everyone else. It was the only special attention I got, apart from my sister, yet it made me feel so dirty. And *that* made me feel bad because it meant I was being ungrateful..."  
  
Remus dusted his hands. "I see..."  
  
"... so when my sexuality came into it," he gave a dry laugh. "I thought it was the by-product of the whole affair."  
  
"Several psychologists would say it was."  
  
"They *would*," Snape said contemptuously. "They'd also say that homosexuals are incapable of having long-term relationships and are just hetrosexuals who are either confused or who *think* they're homosexual. See, that's the way it works."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"And if they were right," the Potions Master went on. "I'd be sexually abusing that nice young Harry too, wouldn't I? I'd be a neurotic wreck who masturbates in the dark of the night and reads pornography from alley way pamphlets."  
  
They sipped their tea.  
  
~  
  
"Don't you have lessons?" Remus asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Why aren't you at them?"  
  
"Special favour from Dumbledore."  
  
~  
  
The werewolf stroked the other man's hair. "It's very nice, you know."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Mmm... gorgeous... so soft..."  
  
"Remus..."  
  
He entwined his fingers further.  
  
"No, Remus, stop... you're beginning to scare me..."  
  
"Beautiful...beautiful...beautiful..."  
  
"Remus, I'll be getting knots..."  
  
"Hair hair..."  
  
"Remus!"  
  
~  
  
They lay there on the bed, side by side. Severus turned to Lupin. "That drunken one-night stand thing..."  
  
"Mm-Hm."  
  
"Do you remember anything from it?"  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"No." Another pause. "Why?"  
  
"Just wondering."  
  
~  
  
"What would you have done if I did?"  
  
~  
  
"When did *you* find out that you were gay?" Snape asked.  
  
"I must have been.... fifteen...."  
  
"Mmm... I beat you to it."  
  
"You had help," Remus said without thinking. Snape stiffened beside him. "I'm sorry... It slipped out--"  
  
"It's alright..."  
  
"Well..." Remus continued. "I had a crush on this boy... a *real* crush."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
Snape sniggered.  
  
"I thought he was everything... what he ate, how he dressed, how I looked to him... What about yours?"  
  
"Mine?"  
  
"First crush."  
  
A rather deadly silence followed.  
  
"A boy."  
  
~  
  
They sent down the breakfast things to the kitchens via the handy little portholes in the wall of the bedroom. Severus had said a firm no to ordering lunch: as he wasn't doing anything, he couldn't afford to eat all three meals, or he'd feel spectacularly ill by the end of the day.  
  
Together, they played several games of chess (twelve in total; Severus won ten of them). They also journeyed through the small behind-the-walls staircases, up to the Owlery (where they gazed at the clouds and lake) then down to the dungeons, to prepare several kilos of mandrake flesh for Madam Pomfrey and eventually concot a base for a wolfsbane potion, that Severus could keep for sometime in the future.  
  
After their toiling in the dungeons, they returned to the rooms and - after a rather marvellous mix of persuasion and bribery (wheedling, much to Remus' disgust, took a large part in it as well) - took a look at some of the photos of the Snapes.  
  
Unlike the first one he had seen, these were all in informal settings. Remus liked the photos of Severus' parents when they were together, the most.  
  
"What happened to your mother after he died?" He asked.  
  
Severus sighed. "Wasted away. She actually died of ovarian cancer, but she was so drained by then, there wasn't much of a chance. It was probably the treatment itself that harmed her the most, rather than the illness. Ironic, I suppose."  
  
Remus laid a hand on top of Snape's. "Were you close?"  
  
"Had to be, after my father died." He shrugged.  
  
"How old were you when she died?"  
  
"Mmm... just turned 16, I think." Remus could tell that Severus was being rather vague quite deliberately, so he stopped.  
  
~  
  
"Should we get supper?" Lupin asked, straightening the sheets on the bed. Snape was packing the chess pieces *properly*. Rat had also arrived and was nibbling at the 'fluffy green leaves' that the rodent called lettuce.  
  
"Later."  
  
"Do you want me to see to it?"  
  
"Yes. Something light, please. The breakfast was too long and large, anyway, and I haven't done any real exercise, either."  
  
"Alright. Just bread, cheese and appleas affair, then?" Remus grinned.  
  
"Farmer's boy, aren't you?"  
  
"Probably: it's the Belgian in me."  
  
~  
  
He closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled. "I love the way your hair smells."  
  
"Thank you." Snape pulled away. "Are you sure you want to stay here for the night again?"  
  
"You know I'd love to."  
  
"You can sleep on the floor, this time, then."  
  
Remus narrowed his eyes and to his surprise, Severus smiled maliciously at him. "That wasn't very nice, Severus." The werewolf said, a mock- disapproving note in his voice.  
  
Severus kissed him, gently and letting it linger. The werewolf felt his lips tingle as they pulled away.  
  
"Another one, please?" He whispered.  
  
A snort. "Only if you're good."  
  
*  
  
What should I say? Thank you to all who have sent me e-mails, etc etc... reviews... sorry this took it's time coming. Had a bit of trouble uploading the document on the manager. Jesus. 


	29. Rat Indeed

Madenia is not a typically Ethiopian surname. Not even *remotely* Jewish. It's just that I was reading my little sister's books about Mr. Majeka, a wizard who goes to teach at a primary school, and it kinda stuck.  
  
Chapter 29: Rat Indeed  
  
Although Snape had insisted on them going down to the Great Hall alone, Remus was still surprised by how much later the Potions Master actually did arrive.  
  
He sat himself on the opposite side of the table as well, opposite - as ever - to Jona (who was sitting three chairs along from Remus) but rather close to Eleni. This made Remus wonder if Eleni had told him what she now knew but then, he realised, if she had, Snape would probably never speak to him or anyone else again.  
  
Breakfast was the usual affair. The younger Snapes were as well-behaved as was possible for them to be. Even Martin, who seemed more than a little put out over the fact that there was no Rat to feed or pet.  
  
When Remus looked at Lira, it amazed him just how healthy she appeared to be. Her cheeks rounded whenever she smiled and the old lustre about her was back.  
  
Whatever Eleni had done, she had done it well.  
  
Speaking of whom, he noticed that she was sitting next to an unknown man, not a member of the staff.  
  
He was tall - seated, he was half a hands-width taller than Dumledore - powerfully built and had skin a dark, shining ash-brown. He had a very straigh nose, a stubborn looking chin and wiry black hair on top of which he wore a skull cap. When he opened his mouth, a low rumble of a baritone could be heard.  
  
The aura around him was on of great strength, radiating from his well- muscled, though lithe, frame. Remus wondered why he hadn't noticed him before.  
  
The werewolf glanced at the man's left hand and saw that the wedding band matched Eleni's exactly.  
  
So this was Mr. Madenia.  
  
Mr. Madenia also wore spectacles, oval shaped lenses with a thin, black frame. As Remus glanced in his direction, Mr. Madenia looked up suddenly and caught his eyes. He gave Lupin a small smile and went back to talking with Eleni.  
  
In case Severus had noticed, Remus glanced in his direction. However, he was talking to Dumbledore in a low voice, eyes deadly serious. Whatever it was that he was telling the Headmaster, Dumbledore was looking grave.  
  
"We'll probably be getting some more news about it later," Sirius murmured to Remus, eyes also on Dumbledore. "How much do you want to bet that it's something bad?"  
  
Remus shook his head and leaned back to him. "He says the Death Eaters are now untied enough to be getting up to some rather unusual tricks," he replied. "Looks like we'll have to call on some of the seventh years for backup."  
  
Now it was Sirius' turn to give a shake of his head. "Gods," he simply said, and went back to eating his breakfast, but in a slower, more contemplative mood.  
  
"Did you notice Mr. Madenia?" Remus asked.  
  
"Hm? Oh, Eleni's husband. Yes, I did. His name's Harim, isn't it?"  
  
Remus blinked. "I didn't know that."  
  
"Neither did I. Lira told me," Sirius shrugged.  
  
"Think he's here to help?"  
  
"It was Jona who advised Dumbledore to ask for him in the first place," Sirius said. "He told him that it would be good for Eleni as well."  
  
"I wonder what he does," Remus murmured.  
  
"Have no idea."  
  
Suddenly, Miriam Snape let out a scream. She had her arms pinned to her sides and was standing up, eyes screwed shut.  
  
Mr. Madenia - Harim - and Eleni rose slightly, looked over with surprised interest. Jona rushed to her side.  
  
"Hush, my dear," he said soothingly. "What on earth is the matter?"  
  
She wasn't screaming anymore, just trembling.  
  
"A rat," she squeaked.  
  
"I'll deal with it," Jona said grimly and Remus could see green sparks around his fingertips. Severus opened his mouth to say something, but Martin's loud voice meant that no one else noticed.  
  
"It's only a *mouse* mother!" The boy cried. "Don't hurt it!"  
  
But this only caused his mother to shriek again. "Mouse?" She squealed, "then kill it, Jona! Kill it!"  
  
"Martin," Jona said firmly, eyes carefully scanning the floor. "I'll thank you to let me handle it, please." The number of sparks at his fingers increased.  
  
"MMPH!" Miriam squealed again, still trembling.  
  
"You will do no such thing, Jona," Severus' low voice said.  
  
"Stay out of this, Severus," he growled.  
  
Remus had a horrible suspicion that the rat in question was none other than Rat. He was right.  
  
Rat leapt up onto the table, right into the hands of Martin, who grabbed him by the tail.  
  
"Martin--" Severus started.  
  
"Let *go* Martin!" Jona insisted, voice raised slightly.  
  
"No!" The boy screamed. He still had Rat by the tail and now Rat was thrashing wildly to get the boy's hands off it.  
  
"Johnathon!" Everyone turned to see Severus, black eyes smouldering, giving Jona a rather lethal look. His use of the full, Christian version of his brother's name brought everyone to attention. "For heaven's sake, man, be quiet and sit down!"  
  
Jona turned to glare at his brother. "Or what?"  
  
The tension between them was indescribable: Miriam had forgotten her fright, now simply astonished and appalled at her husband being rude to his elder brother.  
  
The, to everyone's horror, the chilling silence was broken by a vicious thunderbolt that flashed thrugh the once calm 'sky' above.  
  
"Jesus," Sirius muttered, staring.  
  
"I can do just as much damage with a wand as you can without," the darker man warned. "Now sit *down*, you arrogent cur," Severus growled. Slowly, Jona sat. To Miriam, he gave a small vial of lavender coloured liquid. "Drink this: it'll help." He then turned to Martin. "Let go of Rat's tail-- "  
  
"*The* rat's tail," Jona muttered.  
  
Severus gave him another poisonous look. "His name is Rat. You may christen him with some other ridiculous pet name, but if you did, I'd take you for more of an idiot than I do already." He paused. "Now, Martin: never hold a rat by it's tail. A rat's tail is a true continuation of it's back, nerves and all. You are causing him *immense* discomfort: I wonder if anyone has ever pulled your nerves or struck a pressure point on you?"  
  
"No Uncle Severus. Yes Uncle Severus," the boy whispered, letting go. Rat immediately jetted off for Severus - who extended his arm - and clambered up the arm, burrowing himself in the crook of his neck.  
  
"I thought rats bit people," Lucretia said softly.  
  
"Only if you were stupid enough to take hold of a wild one," Severus replied patiently. "And Martin--?"  
  
"Yes Uncle Severus?"  
  
"Surely you could tell he was a rat and not a mouse." A careful silence ensued, Severus regarding his nephew rather ruthlessly.  
  
"A fatal flaw in your presumption, obviously." Was all he said,  
  
A low chuckle could be heard. Severus turned to face the owner of it. An eyebrow raised, he looked at Harim. "Ah," he said in clipped tones. "The talented Mr. Madenia. Amused, I see."  
  
Harim's dark eye glittered. "Perhaps. So you are Eleni's little brother, eh?" He glanced at the ceiling briefly. "Quite an introduction, there."  
  
"Humph."  
  
Severus was now twiddling his wand between his fingers.  
  
"You missed the wedding," Harim went on. "And four Bar Mitzvah's... and two *Bas* Mitzvahs." He paused. "And a total of--"  
  
"Please," Severus stopped him.  
  
Harim chuckled. "Just so that you know what's due."  
  
It still seemed bizzarely silent. That was when Remus realised that everys tudent in the Hall had been aware of the ruckus at the high table. From those that he could see, their faces wore looks of horrow, fright, awe and fascination.  
  
"We have an audience, you know," he decided to say. Everyone else looked at the students. "If the performance is over, you ought to take a bow."  
  
"Curtain call," Lucretia giggled.  
  
The silence that followed was more embarrassed than anything.  
  
"I hope Rat won't be sick," Martin murmured.  
  
His uncle let the eyebrow fall. "Why?" He demanded.  
  
"Martin paused. "He does eat grapes, doesn't he?"  
  
~  
  
Remus couldn't help but feel rather pleased that Severus had put Jona down the way he had. He was also rather pleased that Severus got on remarkably well with the Ethiopian Hiram.  
  
Rat was more cautious about Martin, but did sometimes let the boy pet him. He seemed to be more enthusiastic, however, about Lucretia.  
  
"Oh!" She giggled as Rat ground his teeth, seated on her shoulder. "Why does he keep on doing this?"  
  
"Rat chuckle," her Uncle Harim replied absently. When Severus gave him a look, Harim smiled shyly and said, "my grandfather fought in WWI. The soldiers often kept pet rats and he taught me a lot about them."  
  
"Harim's very versatile, like that," Eleni said, digging her chin into his shoulder and grinning. He swatted at her playfully.  
  
Harim seemed a very gentle soul, a very good match - Remus thought - for Eleni who could sound a little too harsh and cold for most people to bear. However, that harshness also helped with Harim's damned easy-going nature. Yin and yang, perhaps.  
  
"Tell me about your children," Remus said at one point.  
  
They gave each other looks and smiled. "There's the eldest, Ezar, he's nineteen," Eleni said. "Into acting and the other things like that. He plays the violin, likes to draw," she turned to her husband. "He draws very well... took his Art A-Levels a few years early, didn't he?" Hiram nodded. "Mmm... after Ezar... the two girls, Dinah, whose just turned eighteen, and Leah, whose going to be fifteen quite soon... Dinah absolutely adores Science and likes poetry..."  
  
"--And History," Hiram added quietly.  
  
"Yes! History nut. Wanted to be an Egyptologist at the age of 10. Taught herself heiroglyphs, odd thing." Eleni laughed. "Leah is the maths whizz. Just loves it and computers. Doesn't get it from me, obviously. Plays the piano very well... Dinah plays the cello, by the by... then there's Zedi - Zedekiah - he's twelve. Takes after his father. He tends to be very quiet... I think Severus will take to him, actually." She paused. "He draws a lot as well, Zedi... he's also into science... Ignatius is ten, a lot like our Martin here. Rather loud. Watches too much television. *Far* too much," she frowned. "And finally, my little baby, Rex." She sighed and smiled. "Well, not much of a baby now. He's eight."  
  
"Mama's boy," Hiram grinned.  
  
"Stop that!" Eleni hit him. "He's my last and the sweetest... apart from Ezar and the girls..." She laughed. "I don't know what he's like behind my back: I only hope I don't turn him into another Jona." Eleni sniggered. "He deserved what he got today!"  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
"I loved every minute of it," Hiram confided, dark eyes flashing. "He needed to be put down like that... put him in his place.  
  
The werewolf chuckled. "How did you find Rat?"  
  
Eleni snorted. "Severus *would* keep rats in his company. He's that sort of person. He gets on well with cats as well, funnily enough. And he adores Corgis... the Welsh Pembroke kind."  
  
"Really?" Remus asked in surprise.  
  
"Really." She affirmed. "Just ask him."  
  
*  
  
There you go! 


	30. Ships, Sails and Sealing Wax

Chapter 30: Ships, Sails and Sealing Wax  
  
For the next three days, the two men followed a similar pattern, except for the fact that after the first day he had come back, Snape had decided to get back to work.  
  
The next two days were pleasant enough for Remus to let the problem of the Death Eaters slip his mind. He was simply content with having evening meals with the man and occasionally helping him with his potions.  
  
There was also the satisfcation of having Severus open up to him the way he did. It was like the feeling that a gardener would have when a particularly spectacular bloom would appear on a prize rose buse. He felt proud that Severus had chosen to confide in him and was so much more at ease because of his own efforts. That and the fact that the attraction between them - or on Remus' side at any rate - had evidently grown.  
  
On the fourth evening after Severus' return, they were looking through some new books that contained rather interesting research. The room was calm, the way it always was whenever it was this late and the two were alone, aware of the fact that no one would come here to disturb them.  
  
"Severus?" Remus asked.  
  
Snape didn't look up, but only raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement.  
  
"I have a question to ask."  
  
He looked up, hesitated, then turned his neck to face Lupin. "What is it?"  
  
Remus paused.  
  
"This is going to make me seem as if I'm obssessed..." he started.  
  
"Go on..." Severus lay down his book and gave Remus a rather piercing gaze. Remus felt himself blush when put under Severus' rather harsh appraisal.  
  
"I was just wondering... about... well..." Remus fiddled. "No... never mind..."  
  
"Sex?" Snape suddenly said. At Remus' look, he shrugged. "I knew we'd get to this sooner or later. Why not make it sooner?" He cracked his knuckles and sighed. "This was one of the things that made me wonder about your apparent interest in me... sooner or later you'd realise that I'm not the most... suitable person that one should get involved in a relationship with."  
  
"Sev--"  
  
"Let me finish," Snape interjected smoothly. "At the moment, the prospect of having sex with you... it's none too *un*pleasant, but... I don't know..." He picked up the book again. "I think it would help if we didn't analyse it too much? It gets, to be honest with you, rather ridiculous."  
  
This left Remus feeling rather awkward, a sensation that he actually loathed.  
  
"You know what I despise about you, Severus," he began, his voice gentle. "The way you can be so calm and detatched... I prefer you when you lose your temper, which brings me another point." He leaned on Severus' shoulder and kissed his neck. "That thing that you did with the ceiling... I didn't think anyone could affect it..."  
  
"They can't. I was just lucky; so was Jona. I had something truly awful for him planned, because he annoyed me so much."  
  
Remus sniggered.  
  
"No, seriously: he is so damned pompous with everyone else but his children and Miriam, which annoys me even more. I can't *stand* people like that," he muttered through gritted teeth, eyes hard and no longer scanning the book.  
  
"Dumbledore?" Lupin asked in a whisper, kissing Snape's hair.  
  
"Tch." Yes. "At least Eleni keeps him in his place at times, though not when it comes to me, which is fine: there are quite a number of curses that I haven't tried out since my days working for Voldemort... I must be getting out of practise, I'm sure."  
  
"That's cruel."  
  
"He's my baby brother. I'm allowed to be cruel." He and Remus rubbed noses. "Mm... "  
  
"What?"  
  
"I was wondering about Dumbledore."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"He didn't tell me who he's asked to watch the Seeing Opal. He agreed with me when I pointed out that it would be best if we kept it on and showing images all the time." Severus looked thoughtful. Remus kissed his forehead. "So here we are, kept in limbo. It could come at any time... any place--" he gave another sigh.  
  
Lifting a finger, Severus used it to stroke Remus' cheek, but his eyes seemed far away and contemplative.  
  
"Love?" Remus asked softly. The exquisite sensation he felt whenever he called Severus by the endearment and whenever he was this close to him, returned. It was all he could do to try to control his heartbeat.  
  
"Don't be afraid." He murmured, seemingly distant, his finger still tracing Remus' nose and lips. Lupin let a fingertip be only ever so slightly enveloped in his lips. Snape gave a small smile.  
  
"What on earth of?" Was the reply. Remus had a mischevous smile on his face.  
  
"Remus..." Snape almost sang the name, touchingly enough, as if it were some distant nursery song of a half-forgotten childhood. He leaned closer and slowly kissed him. At the same speed, the kiss grew a little more passionate as it progressed.  
  
They pulled away.  
  
"No," Lupin said and pulled Snape back. He could feel the man shift beneath him.  
  
Rather suddenly, completely destroying the mood of calm, sending it scattering in all directions - no doubt to hide underneath the bed or cupboards - someone opened the door of the study, which would lead the intruder to the door of the bedroom, where Remus and Severus were now.  
  
"Up," he muttered into Remus' ear.  
  
They both got up, hands still locked. "Wait here," was all Snape said before striding off to the door. He opened it and closed it behind him. Remus walked closer to it, so that he could hear what was being said. He didn't recognise the other voice.  
  
"What is it?" That was Severus.  
  
A hasty reply.  
  
"What!?"  
  
Now *there* was a tone Remus hadn't heard in Snape's voice before. Even Rat stopped cleaning himself and looked up, black eyes shining and alert.  
  
Another half mumbled reply, equally hasty.  
  
"But--"  
  
Mumble.  
  
"No... it's not possib--wait... no...I'll... just that... Remus... hold on..." Remus felt the door knob turn and so walked back hastily to the bed. When Severus entered the room and again closed the door behind him, Remus got up and immediately wrapped his arms around the other man's waist. Never before had he seen Severus look so pale... well, maybe once before, but this time, he seemed so shaken.  
  
"What was it?" He asked, anxious. "Love?"  
  
Severus shook his head, eyes suddenly haunted. "The Death Eaters," he whispered. "Planning to surround Hogwarts... I don't understand... they've gained numbers so quickly..."  
  
"Sev--"  
  
"Of course," he muttered to himself. "Golems!" He began to laugh rather hysterically. "All you'd need was a few words... any old Torah would do..."  
  
"Wha--?"  
  
"Never mind," he said hastily. "Dumbledore wants us down there, of course. First, proper gathering of the Order, eh? Remember to bring your camera." He gazed directly into Remus' eyes. Then he kissed him. "Come on, then."  
  
~  
  
They filed into the room. This was where the whole Extensive Order was meeting, not just the smaller, Order of the Phoenix, in the office.  
  
Remus saw quite a few of the older students as he had predicted. He saw three pairs of rather nervous looking couples - Sirius and Lira, Hiram and Eleni, Jona and Miriam - the entire staff faculty of Hogwarts. It was quite a gathering.  
  
Finally, when everyone whom Dumbledore wanted to come in had entered the rom, the doors closed behind them.  
  
There was no talking. It was an eerie blanket of silence that had fallen over the people. As if there had been some sort of tragedy and this was some sort of a funeral.  
  
**Ah, but after, this there probably will be**  
  
-Aye. It smells like a storm of fire is on it's way-  
  
Used to Rat's little surprises, Remus remained calm.  
  
"As you are all aware," Dumbledore started, voice grave and powerful - Remus felt Snape steel himself beside him and gently stroked his hand - "the war we are fighting has already began. It is now progressing at a rather astonishing rate, but, that has not been overlooked neither does it come to us as too much of a surprise.  
  
"From careful observations of the enemy's tactics and plans, it has been decided that the best way to attack is from the outside. We have no longer much need for spies to be placed within to fight from there: that is simply too risky, too costly and entirely pointless: a waste.  
  
"Guerilla tactics have been thought to be, therefore, to be more effective. I must add to you, however, guerilla tactics of a sort;  
  
"We shall first aim to strike at the Death Eaters. The mystique and magic surrounding Voldemort is simply too great for us to directly attack him." Dumbledore projected a huge image onto the wall behind him. "The Death Eaters at the lowest level, those that do the most essential of his dirty work, should be attacked first. Then, we shall work our way up the system. We will only need spies for the more intricate details in the war, such as any information that we could not simply get through our surveillance.  
  
"Our main tactic is isolation. That will be the key to our success."  
  
The image on the wall showed projections of the ranks of Death Eaters in the arrangement of a circle around a taller figure that reprsented Voldemort.  
  
"The latest news we have heard, is that the Death Eaters plan to surround Hogwarts, to 'infect' the magic of the school, therefore weakening it and letting them gain access to us. They are planning to move out within seven days.  
  
"For now, we do not know who of the Death Eaters--"  
  
"Actually," Snape said aloud and eveyone turned round or craned necks to look at him. He took in a breath. "We do. Well, the important things anyway." Looking Dumbledore straight in the eye and then the rest of the Extensive Prder. "Voldemort is using a very old type of magic to create a personal army that would be effective and yet are not costly to his cause: golems."  
  
A gasp of realisation came from Jona. His older brother nodded. "Most of the 'Death Eaters' who will surround the school will be golems: he doesn't really need any more than that. However, it would be worth knowing who his chosen general, as such, would be.  
  
"I came to two conclusion of a higher possibility," he went on. "Wormtail - who Voldemort has, in truth, not much of a need for - and possibly McNair. In any case, certainly *not* one of the innermost circle."  
  
One of the seventh years stood up. "By Golems," she said, "do you mean life sized, clay models brought to life by a strip on paper with the Words of Life written on it and placed within a hollow cavity in the head?"  
  
Severus nodded.  
  
There were some worried murmurs throughout the room.  
  
"So we will need to defend ourselves, obviously. But golems as such are easily thwarted," Dumbledore said, voice raised so that he could be heard. "A simple blast to the head, so long as the paper falls out or departs from the cavity in some other fashion, will destroy one."  
  
"And they will be joined to each other and to Voldemort," Severus added. "They won't be too much of a trouble."  
  
Dumbledore nodded with approval. "Yes. Although not to be overlooked, this is certainly not something we should be so worried about. We know of the locations of their main meeting places, we have further means of digging into the intricacies. Our spies are, as ever, numerable and of a high standard. Wittling away of the Death Eaters and destroying any attempts of them rooting in the rest of Europe, will be none too hard. However," he said, voice turning to a dangerous tone of warning. "What we must be careful of is how we protect each other. That is of key importance. We have reliable sources and spies throughout Europe, but even so, we do not have the resources that it is obvious Voldemort is developing."  
  
Jona spoke up. "About these golems," he said. "Please. You can leave them to Miriam and I. We'll be able to deal with them, perhaps with a little help from some of your more able students."  
  
"We tend to specialise in that area," Miriam added.  
  
Remus couldn't help but look at them in surprise: he was aware that Jona was powerful, but Miriam had always seemed too flighty, too fussy, silly and spoilt to be of an even moderately able witch. But no, here she was, magically something of an equal to her husband.  
  
"Our contacts in Europe are ready to receive our envoys and some of our own agents to train them and prepare them for the tactics planned for use in the continent," Dumbledore nodded. "The enemy has made their attack: there is nothing for us to do but to counter-attack."  
  
*  
  
I've split this chapter up. It would have gotten too damn long. 


	31. Voices

I think I mentioned that Fanfiction wouldn't let me upload any new documents for some time, didn't I? Boy, that got me into a panic...  
  
Chapter 31: Voices.  
  
Remus personally thought that Harry had far too much of his father's stubborness and the wrong mix of his mother's temper. When Sirius told him the very basics of what was going to happen, the worse of both came out. If Remus hadn't been so tightly strung - having gotten little sleep the night before - he would've been slightly amused.  
  
"Sirius?" Harry nearly shouted. "Why?"  
  
"Harry, please calm down--"  
  
"But why not? If *you* are--"  
  
"Harry, please don't be ridiculous," Remus finally said firmly. "This is not the time for you to go risking your life. Can't you see, it's barely anything, but it can only be that when we have specialised, well-trained and experienced people out there. We can't let you go out and maybe die--"  
  
Harry turned to him, Lily's eyes glittering furiously. "What if I *don't* die?"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Remus finally snapped. "You won't be going anyway!"  
  
And that was the end of that although their relationship with Harry never quite seemed the same after that.  
  
~  
  
Severus wouldn't be staying for anything.  
  
"I'm off to Durmstrang," he had explained, face pale, but his appearance calm. "You will be careful, won't you?"  
  
Remus had nodded numbly. "We'll get through this anyway."  
  
Severus laughed coldly. "The warrior who speaks indiscriminately brings only shame."  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Zen Buddhism."  
  
He turned to Remus.  
  
"Say something," Severus said, an unusual note of worry in his voice and something like despair in his eyes. He held Remus' head between both hus hands. "Remus, *say* something... please." He sighed when Remus could only avert his gaze.  
  
~  
  
They had come very close to actually having sex that night. But for both of them, it simply felt rather wrong. After all, there was the strong possibility that neither would make it after this. Rather than heighten the mood, as it may do for some, it rather dampened it down a bit. Even so, Remus liked being held tightly in Severus arms, and the feel of his naked body spooned up against his.  
  
~  
  
"I'm going to give you something to try," Severus said.  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Jona said that it should be alright."  
  
"Yees..."  
  
"If the Killing curse comes for you..."  
  
"...Mmm?"  
  
"Say Abortisma. And move out of the way."  
  
Remus blinked.  
  
"Alright."  
  
~  
  
By the fifth day, they all knew of their positions. Jona, Harim, Eleni and Severus had found the very old books of the school which described the protective shield that surrounded it. They had found out where the key points and boundaries lay, for it to be powered up or used offensively again if ever the others of the Order found themselves in serious trouble.  
  
~  
  
In the evening - after Severus had left - Remus and Lira made their way up to Dumbledore's office, accompanied by Harry. He seemed to have cooled off by then (though Remus' experiences with Lily's own temper persuaded him to think otherwise) and had insisted on getting to see the map of Links. He said it would help for him to actually see how it worked.  
  
Lira and Harry actually got on well. This pleased the werewolf to no end, as it would mean that there would be nothing for Sirius to start worrying about.  
  
Once in, Remus saw that McGonagall was amongst those who had been chosen for tonight's viewing of the Seeing Opal. She turned round and looked at Harry with some surprise in her eyes. She gave Remus a bewildered blink (as bewildered as one could get from the Head of Gryffindor House herself)  
  
Dumbledore didn't seem surprised at all. Instead, he let Harry look at it and answered all of the boy's questions, but never ventured anything.  
  
Remus personally didn't know what to make of this.  
  
~  
  
The morning of the sixth day came.  
  
"Of course, I won't be joining you," Lira said tiredly. "But I am allowed to be a nurse of sorts. I'll know which of you are in serious trouble so I'll be able to arrive... depending..." She went along the line. "These are medicine kits. A little supply of nutrients... needles... thread... bandages... potions, take care of those in particular. Ah! Your personal Links that I can use to get to you." Brightening - for some odd, twisted reason, Remus thought to himself, amused - she smiled at them.  
  
They looked up at the wall with a map of Hogwarts and it's grounds and Remus realised how much it was like their Marauder's map.  
  
The feeling within him was manly one of adrenaline, in the form of something like anxiety. It was actually rather exhausting which meant that Remus had to count his breathing.  
  
"Soon," Dumbledore said, "the Death Eaters will arrive on the edge of our grounds. If Jona and Miriam's estimates are correct, around 80% of the golem army will be obliterated." He looked at them all. "You know of your positions: it is vital that you stick to them. Any signal that you are given, you respond to immediately."  
  
They all nodded.  
  
~  
  
It was now early evening.  
  
No sign of any of the golem army.  
  
~  
  
Much later evening and some of the Extensive Order were fighting off sleep. Remus managed to be all eyes, however, and began to pace.  
  
The map was still up and flashing. Just about everything else except for the Extensive Order was busy.  
  
It wasn't helping at all.  
  
~  
  
"Jesus."  
  
Sirius' eyes snapped open. "What?"  
  
"Look," Remus pointed to the map.  
  
You could see where the boundaries were. Whatever Jona and Miriam had done, it was working. The army of golems that seemed to pour into Hogwarts simply melted away as soon as they struck these boundaries. It was quite amazing to watch.  
  
Dumbledore's eyes were alert. "Group #5: Move."  
  
The group of seven walked into a circle specially designed to apparate large groups and Remus watched as green flame flickered round the edges and they eventually vanished.  
  
~  
  
With no apparent trouble, Dumbledore sent Group after group methodically and as planned before.  
  
Eventually, Group #3 had to depart. Remus' group.  
  
~  
  
The feeling of being apparated in this fashion was a mixture of transforming and Floo Powder. An odd sort of rush, the feeling of being pleasantly spaghettified. And landing. A weird type of relief, in a way because you were now on familiar ground. Normal footing.  
  
They were now on the top of a ridge in the earth, looking down over some flat ground some three meteres below. Trees were growing along the dge of this ridge: perfect place to hide.  
  
Perfect place to get lost.  
  
At least, he thought, Sirius was in his group.  
  
Sirius looked at his map.  
  
"They'll be coming to us, remember," he said calmly, taking out his wand. "They'll be coming to us."  
  
"Down! Now!" Someone behind them whispered.  
  
They obeyed, carefully concealing themselves behind the trees and low-lying shrubbery. "What is it?" Remus hissed.  
  
"Ssh!" Said someone behind them.  
  
"They're coming," Sirius whispered in reply.  
  
"Where from?"  
  
"Will you all just *shut-up*!"  
  
"In front. We can get rid of them pretty easy."  
  
"Simple sleeping charm?"  
  
"Yup. Combined efforts. Get them hauled up before the judges," a woman said, cold humour in her voice. It made Remus shiver. "After Dumbledore's finished with them, looks like we'll have to play grave-diggers."  
  
There were some quiet sniggers. Even Sirius smiled.  
  
"Here they come..." he whispered.  
  
Their wands were aimed well. Each had one dark robed figure for themselves. These Death Eaters were well-trained. They were skulking. They were quiet. In fact, they had concealed themselves pretty well, considering. It was simply because of their maps (Remus had had his upside down) that they knew they were there in front of them.  
  
"Steady."  
  
They were approaching.  
  
"Fire at will."  
  
~  
  
All but Remus, Sirius and the woman with the cold voice went witht he bewitched, human Death Eaters.  
  
"We'll be meeting with the other remnanats of the other groups, soon," she said. Her yellow hair was grey streaked. She took out her map and folded it up. "That was quickly done, eh?"  
  
They didn't hear the muttered curse.  
  
They simply saw the Green light. And the woman fell down dead.  
  
*  
  
TBC veer soon... 


	32. Tolstoy Logic

Chapter 32: Tolstoy logic  
  
"Run!!!" Sirius screamed. He didn't have to. He and Remus were already sliding down the ridge and shooting off into the thicket.  
  
"Come ON!" Remus yelled at Sirius who had caught his foot in a root. Sirius freed himself.  
  
They continued to run. Hearts pounding against flesh furiously. It pained them to breathe, but their legs could've gone on for ever. God, Remus thought, the feeling in his chest was one of suffocation. Unbearable tightness, as if he were being stretched within a tiny space.  
  
-Moon-dog!- cried ou Rat's mental voice. -You must split up!-  
  
**I doubt I'll be able to get that through to Sirius**  
  
-Be SILENT and heed me, fool!-  
  
**...Hurts**  
  
-SPLIT!-  
  
At the same time, Remus had yelled out the word as well. No doubt their attacker would know. He would waste more energy on anger then.  
  
Behind him, he could hear Sirius take another route. However, he simply couldn't stop running. He felt inclined to keep it up, though his legs were beginning to tire. Pain shot up through the nerves and muscles.  
  
He kept on running.  
  
~  
  
He slowed down...  
  
-You're safe. The other is too far behind you. Your friend is dealing with him-  
  
Remus nodded but stopped running after several long minutes. When he did, he felt his heart beating at an almost impossible pace, sending violent spasm of pain throughout his chest and a taste of blood in his mouth.  
  
**Water**  
  
-Wait-  
  
He looked around at his surroundings. Trees trees and yet more f**king trees.  
  
**What?**  
  
-Another rat? No... something is wrong, Moon-dog... *very* wrong...-  
  
Remus smelt the air. He blinked. He knew that scent. He'd know it anywhere.  
  
Wormtail.  
  
Remus moved along forward, ears pricking for any tiny sound, any betrayal of the other man's presence.  
  
The branches barely rustled as he crept low and brushed past them. A twig snapped beneath his feet. An animal could've done that, he thought grimly to himself. Perhaps the little worm will think that of it.  
  
What spells should he use? A slow, painful death-charm? Ropes to bind, gases to blind. Ah, yes.  
  
Any number of those things.  
  
He was getting towards the clearing. Smiling to himself, he withdrew the blade from it's complete sheath and tucked it in his belt so that he could reach for it more easily.  
  
**And remember, watch for the hand**  
  
A painfully slow, laborous breath. Another.  
  
Then he stopped, suddenly still.  
  
He raised his right arm ever so slightly, gently, the graceful assassin. His right hand gripped the wand tightly. He grinned. A wind blew brown hair into his face and Severus wasn't here to gently brush it away.  
  
Severus.  
  
Would either be alive to see each other again? Or would both die, two more of Dumbledore's pawns.  
  
**Or maybe, it's Dumbledore who is the real pawn...**  
  
Grey eyes shone.  
  
And to think, the battle hadn't even started yet.  
  
On the other side of the clearing, a figure in slightly tattered, brown robes stumbled through, hands shielding face from the brambles. Low curses emitted from it's person. The figure was short, of a plump build.  
  
Wormtail had returned.  
  
Stepping over the low lying bushes and into the clearing, Remus straightened himself, every inch the greying, charming gentleman, just as he had been in the Shrieking Shack. Just as he'd managed to be with Dumbledore. His grey eyes, however, bore none of the charm that lay like a well fitting mask on his face. They were cold and flinty.  
  
"Ah, Peter," he said softly, but loud enough for the man to hear. "I've been expecting you."  
  
Wormtail had since stopped picking out brambles from his skin. The evidence could be seen, however, in the form of numerous cuts and scractches: Lupin noticed that Peter rarely moved his silver hand to aid him. Looking up, round eyes still watery and nervous, Remus could see a schizophrenic glint in them. It was hardly surprising.  
  
"Have you now?" He sneered, but the sneer disappeared quickly.  
  
"Mm-hm. Don't worry, you haven't kept me waiting for long, though," was the calm reassurance.  
  
"So glad to hear that, now if you'll excuse me..." Wormtail's shining silver hand slowly reached for his wand that remained tucked into his simple belt on his other side, "... You do understand of course that I must kill you." He pointed the wand, his insane grin revealing yellow teeth and whitened gums. "*Avada Kedavra*!"  
  
Quickly, Remus muttered "Abortisma!" And moved out of the way. Looking at the spot where he had been, he realised that nothing had been affected. So the spell worked. He would have to tell Severus.  
  
Pettigrew looked confused: it was generally thought that no spell could deflect the Killing curse.  
  
"So," he said quietly, a technique he must have learned from his master, "you prefer it the painful way, hm?"  
  
Remus braced himself.  
  
Approaching him steadily, Wormtail continued to leer. "There's no need to be frightened... simply bring it on... I'll make it easier for you."  
  
What was that Severus had once said? Zen Buddhism: a warrior who speaks indiscriminately brings only shame. The werewolf was surprised to catch himself smiling: what a time for him to be remembering battlefield philosophies!  
  
"There isn't much to smile about, you know, Remus...." Wormtail crouched. Keeping his eyes on the man's face, Lupin noticed that Pettigrew had discreetly curled his fingers around a piece of rock.  
  
Diversion tactics: my, aren't we getting clever?  
  
Had Peter noticed that Remus' other hand was gripping the hilt of his knife?  
  
Perhaps it would be better if he had.  
  
As Lupin anticipated, Wormtail threw it. Lupin dodged it by turning on his side, just as Wormtail sprang up and forwards, his silver, clawed hand swiping.  
  
Remus had been planning to strike up immediately, but he was too slow.  
  
Wormtail grinned in triumph.  
  
Ignoring the deep gash in his arm, Lupin drew out the knife and began to stab blindly, somehow knowing that he was stabbing in the other man's guts. The stink that came after reassured the werewolf of his aim: Wormtail wouldn't survive this.  
  
Question was, would he?  
  
He slashed at the throat, if only to make sure that the man - still violently twitching - was dead. The silver hand was thrashing and convulsing wildly enough to be a danger to the werewolf, so Lupin attempted to still himself and slash at Pettigrew's wrists. Gritting his teeth and ignoring the seductive taste of blood in his mouth, Remus did so, succeeding only in partially severing the man's hand, though the silver received several gouges.  
  
Pettigrew fell to the earthy floor of the clearing, blood turning a shiny black, like tar, as it oozed it's way from the fallen corpse, soaking into the earth and surrounding grass.  
  
"Shit," he said quietly, before hitting the ground himself, landing in a sitting position.  
  
Battle-fever gone, Remus was aware of a pain in his left arm. He knew he had to stop the silver essence from spreading. Vaguely conscious, Remus attempted to dab at the dark, gaping wound. Had Pettigrew actually screamed? Should he expect a horde of Death Eaters to come stampeding through the forest?  
  
Lupin sat up, feeling what he was sure was the silver essence travelling as his heart pumped through his veins.  
  
Only a little longer, he consoled himself.  
  
"Remus?"  
  
He blinked, not turning his head to the direction of the voice. He was too tired. It was too much of a strain.  
  
"Oh, god, Remus!"  
  
It was Lira.  
  
She rushed over to him, whipped off her cloak and bundled it under her arms to use as a pillow to prop Remus up with. Tears were filming her eyes. "Remus..." she whispered, hands shaking. Out of the medicine kit Snape had insisted all of them have - why hadn't I remembered that? He thought fuzzily - she withdrew the cleansing potion, spelled bandages, spelled needle and thread. Methodically she dripped the potion onto the wound, (it hissed and smoked, sending a pleasantly citric smell into the air) wiped away the excess potion, grime and congealed blood and, after stitching it up, bound the wound well with the bandages.  
  
"It'll be fine," she murmured. "Just relax... count sheep... keep yourself awake. Damn it," she muttered, "Come on, Severus... you gotta get here soon..."  
  
After a few moments, two people came crashing through the bushes, both as dishevelled and tired as the other. Sirius and Severus: when they saw Lira kneeling by a dying Remus, they both rushed over.  
  
"Severus!" Remus said rather weakly. He'd come back alive after all.  
  
"Remus..." Snape knelt by the other side. There was a question in his eyes. He looked over to the bloody mess that was Pettigrew and Remus realised he understood. "Oh, Remus..." he sighed, black eyes seemingly only concerned, though Remus knew that his lover was being torn apart inwardly. "Hold on."  
  
His eyes fluttered.  
  
"Stay awake, Remus!" Severus snapped.  
  
A ragged breath escaped him.  
  
Lupin didn't see that Snape had taken out a syringe from his own medicine pouch and a small vial of an orange red liquid. He saw others coming out from the shrubbery, each tired and dirty and bloody. They each had a look of intense alarm and worry on their faces.  
  
"Keep your eyes open... please..." that was Severus. Remus had never heard him say please before, not like this, anyway. He looked up into Snape's eyes and tried to keep a hold onto them. "That's it..." a slight smile was ont he other man's face, "just keep your eyes open..."  
  
With a calm not visible in his eyes, Snape took a measure inside the syringe and placed the needle to Remus' arm left arm.  
  
Lupin's eyes were growing heavy.  
  
"Stay awake," Lira whispered, clutching at his other hand. "Please... stay awake..."  
  
"Come on Moony," said Sirius' quiet voice. "Just keep your eyes open..."  
  
"I don't think--" he started.  
  
Snape pushed the syringe: Lupin watched as the orange liquid emptied into his blood stream.  
  
"It shouldn't... shouldn't take long to begin to work, now," Snape started. "Just keep your eyes open, think... count sheep or something..."  
  
"Keep your eyes open..."  
  
"Breath slowly..."  
  
"Come on now..."  
  
The leaden weight was spreading from his heart and lungs, spreading all around his body. His fingers went numb after a brief moment of desperate tingling. His hands were weighted. He was being pulled down to the earth.  
  
Spots were beginnning to appear on the periphery of his vision.  
  
"Remus... Remus?"  
  
His vision was darkening.  
  
"Remus?"  
  
...  
  
He closed his eyes.  
  
*  
  
To be or not to be? 


	33. Epilogue

I may as well not bother writing this: Saffy got it all.  
  
You should have seen my best friend Beth and I giggling over The Nose when I told her about it on MSN. Gods. Thanks, Beth: you made me realise that it was sounding like the usual sentimental mush. I fallen so low...  
  
*  
  
Epilogue: Sandman  
  
Remus wasn't quite sure if he were dreaming or not. It was something he had never felt before: as if the Sandman hadn't quite closed his eyes properly and as if Sleep didn't quite want to come near him. Some of it was quite nice. The rest was simply interesting. And mildly disturbing.  
  
It was uncomfortable because it felt as if he was not only lying down looking up, but also at the top of the room, looking down. He couldn't move his arms, legs, waist or even open his eyes. It felt as if he were buried under tons of dark, heavy soil. Probably that with a higher clay content.  
  
~  
  
He called them 'waves' because that was how they came over him.  
  
*  
  
Severus.  
  
Of course, he didn't know what time it was. It was still light, but that was probably just the normal ones they always kept. That was from the ceiling, though: all he could see was white.  
  
Then the white shifted. Through that gap came Severus, something of an interruption with his habitual black against the regularity of the white background.  
  
At first, Remus felt an odd, joyful sensation rise up within him. But then he caught sight of Severus' face and was rather scared by it: there were lines he hadn't seen before etched lightly across his forhead. His hair no longer shone; it was dull and dry - up to the point whre the ends were almost frizzy. The man seemed to suck everything inward, or simply repelling all light and outward feeling. Then there were his eyes. Before, they had appeared as dark tunnels that went on for ever. Now, even those tunnels were no longer present.  
  
**He's acting as if I've died**  
  
The man sat on the edge of the bed - ignoring both chairs on weither side of it - and measured out some liquid, methodically, though from this close, Remus could see that his hands were trembling very gently.  
  
With a gentleness that Remus doubted that anyone else was aware of, Severus lifted up Remus' left arm and gently applied the needle to the skin, taking in a quiet and low, but deep, breath. When the needle entered, of course, Remus couldn't feel it. However, as he pressed the syringe, Severus rose his eyes to gaze at Remus' face.  
  
**Oh God**  
  
If he were conscious he would have probably melted in Severus' arms at such a look. Severus simply laid a gentle kiss onto his forehead.  
  
Then he kissed his lips. Not that Remus could feel it, but he knew he was and he knew this was a very passionate kiss, one he would - in future - try to receive again when fully conscious.  
  
"Wake up, please," the man murmured into his ear. "For me..."  
  
**I'm trying... I am**  
  
He drew away, took out the needle and blinked as if blinking back tears. Remus would have smiled to himself: he could dream.  
  
~  
  
"How is he?"  
  
Remus' awareness heightened. That was Lira.  
  
"Still stable." Madam Pomfrey's patient reply. "Do you wish to see him? Severus has been here plenty of times--"  
  
"Well..."  
  
"I assure you it's alright..."  
  
"It's not that, it's just..." she drifted. "No. I'm being ridiculous. Damn pregnancy," Remus could hear the smile in her voice. "Let me go and see him."  
  
"As you wish," Madam Pomfrey replied, also smiling as she spoke.  
  
Footsteps.  
  
The white parted and there she was.  
  
Unlike Severus, she didn't appear to be in a state of mourning. She simply looked rather tired, though not exhausted, which was something of a relief for the werewolf. When she sat on the bed, her eyes were dark and serious. She seemed almost ready to say something, but couldn't, because it would be silly to converse with a sub-conscious man.  
  
Lira simply gazed at his face for a while, then was interrupted by the noise of someone else entering the Hospital wing.  
  
He could hear Madam Pomfrey and whoever else it was, converse hurriedly and quietly. Lira got up and walked round to see what was going on.  
  
"Ssh," he heard Lira say after a while, as the footsteps drew nearer.  
  
"He's still in a coma?" Said a girls' voice. Remus didn't recognise it.  
  
"Mm-hm."  
  
"Do you think he'll..." Another voice - a boy's - trailed off.  
  
"He'll be fine." Lira said firmly, and opened the curtain.  
  
With her were two children, a boy and a girl. Neither looked at all familiar to Remus but he instantly guessed that they must be two of Eleni's children, due to the resemblance between them.  
  
**Well, Hogwarts is still standing...**  
  
"What happened?" The boy murmured, eyes wide.  
  
"He was attacked with a silver object." Lira started. "It travelled through his bloodstream but before it could do so extensively, as in to kill him, he had the anti-essence injected into him. We just have to wait and see what will happen..."  
  
~  
  
It was very tiring, Remus soon found.  
  
He would occasionally try to lift up an arm or a leg. Several times, he even tried to speak to Severus. He'd also try just to open his eyes so that he could see the world normally. It was very odd when your eyes were closed yet you could see everything. He preferred it the normal way.  
  
How long he lay there, he didn't know. There were no days or nights. He was only aware of people's presence.  
  
-Hello?-  
  
**muzzfiqwuinguoxlainai**  
  
-Moon-dog?-  
  
**whaffahuzznwana?**  
  
-Now, now. Organise your thoughts or you will never get out of this!-  
  
Remus knew that voice. He also knew that only one person had ever called him Moon-dog. He remembered that he was never sure whether to take it as a compliment or not.  
  
**What... do you...?**  
  
-Much better. How are you feeling?-  
  
**Muchmnmnnnnbezzermiguzzle...**  
  
-Oh dear. Concentrate-  
  
**'M trying....**  
  
~  
  
-Moon-dog?-  
  
**Yes?**  
  
-Much better-  
  
**Thank you**  
  
-He acts as if you are dead-  
  
Remus wasn't quite sure what to make of that. There was an odd feeling of detatchedness when you were in a coma. Even the serious things didn' seem quite so serious. They weren't funny, either... simply... interesting.  
  
-I never believed he would ... do what he has done. I never believed anything to be so bad an affect on him, if I were by his side-  
  
**Oh. What has he done?**  
  
-He has stopped talking to me. Stopped feeding me. Stopped... ah... socialising as you call it. He has even stopped eating. He comes here too often. I heard his underlings say. They are worried too-  
  
**What about Jona?**  
  
-The arrogant one?- Remus didn't need to answer. -He is being most polite. I think he is beginning to Understand. As is the half-dog friend of yours.-  
  
**Do you think that's good?**  
  
-I don't know what to make of it. It's... different. Maybe it is good. I wouldn't know-  
  
~  
  
It was Severus again.  
  
Now that he didn't have to worry about anyone else interrupting or watching him oddly, he liked these visits as they gave him the opportunity to take a good look at the man's face, which, although he saw it a number of times and had regularly kissed it, he'd never truly taken much notice of it.  
  
Of course, the first thing that drew your attention to him was the nose. The Nose.  
  
If he'd had a face, he'd have smiled.  
  
It was large, no doubt about that. Remus wasn't sure if Severus wouldn't look any better with any other nose. As it was, he hadn't *quite* grown into it, but perhaps that had been the affect that Mother Nature - Mother Gene - had been looking for. Remus didn't mind, however. He'd never actually hated it - you simply don't hate a nose, for goodness' sake - but he'd come to rather like it.  
  
Severus' face-shape was basically oval (the nose would have looked so much worse on a circular shaped face) and the skin that covered it was the colour of a tan that hadn't been out into the sun too much. Rather sallow, but not exactly yellow. Lately - as he'd noticed before - there were new lines across his forehead, but considering what he had, Severus didn't look so bad for someone approaching middle-age.  
  
The hair... gods... there were times Remus thought he was just falling in love for the hair. Not quite greasy, simply very silky to touch and very shiny, though after an hour of standing over a cauldron of potion, it did have the tendency to feel uncomfortably greasy, as if someone had run a comb full of tallow through it. The werewolf simply loved the way it framed the man's face, the way it lay, the way it hung.  
  
Curious, he thought, the bizarre affect that having black eyes could have on you. If you opened your eyes very wide, it would look as if all you had were two very large pupils and you'd end up looking as if you were on drugs. When not, you would look quite normal, except if someone was foolish enough to look directly into them, wherein they would find themselves feeling rather lost and awkward.  
  
Severus' eyes were just lovely, if you didn't concentrate too hard on them. There was something about eyes that appealed to Remus - perhaps it was just the werewolf inside him, who knows? He was just lucky that Snape had rather nice ones.  
  
Right now, with the man being so close to him, he wished he could reach out and touch him.  
  
The syringe emptied out into his bloodstream. He was acutely aware of it. Yet he couldn't feel it. He felt himself getting rather annoyed. He wanted to *feel*. He hated this half-life... this...  
  
-They called it a coma. I don't know. All I know is that you're alive-  
  
**Thanks**  
  
"Remus..." Severus whispered, jolting the werewolf away from Rat's mind. He had leaned forward and was pressing his lips against his ear. The man had both of his hands over one of Remus'. "I want you back... I *need* you back..."  
  
"Severus?"  
  
Hogwarts' Potions Master didn't move away immediately. Rather, he lifted his face away from Remus', continued with the syringe and when it was finished, calmly replaced his equipment back. He moved his chair back a few inches but didn't rise. He didn't respond apart from that.  
  
"Severus?" The voice repeated.  
  
It was Dumbledore.  
  
Severus turned to face him. From the movement of his ears, Remus saw that he was barely smiling.  
  
"I'm here."  
  
"So I see," Dumbledore approached the bed and took the chair ont he opposite side. Severus' seemed to relax slightly. Remus observed Dumbledore carefully and saw that the old man looked *old*. It was rather frightening. Lupin wasn't sure how to think of him - as a teacher who had betrayed and used a student to sexually abuse him, or a kindly, wise, rather eccentric Headmaster?  
  
"Of course."  
  
Albus shifted and rearranged some of his ornamental robes.  
  
**Must be hot, wearing that**  
  
"You care for him, Severus," Dumbledore started, weary eyes on Remus' body. "I can tell," he added softly.  
  
"Well, yay you." Severus replied, an exceedingly bitter edge to his voice.  
  
Albus gave him a quick look, that spoke of apologies and empathies. "I am sorry Severus... I didn't mean--"  
  
He didn't turn round to look at the man who sat just opposite the bed from him. He simply gazed at the wall, coldly. "You never do." Was all he said. Snape, after saying this, gave Dumbledore a cold, polite smile.  
  
Now the Headmaster's gaze turned slightly different. It was a mixture of an inquistive glance - though he seemed to expect something... as if knowing what he would get - and an indignant one. Strangely enough, he was bracing himself. Preparing himself for an onslaught.  
  
**I wonder why. Not acting like an innocent man, is he now?**  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"What do you think I mean."  
  
Silence.  
  
"What is this about, Severus?" Dumbledore said, eyebrow raised.  
  
Severus sighed shallowly. He licked his lower lip. He seemed to be thinking of what to say.  
  
"A secret ne'er to be told, Albus." Snape had a little faraway smile to his face as he said it.  
  
Dumbledore too seemed to be mulling over his own choice of words. "Have you told him?"  
  
"No."  
  
**Why did he--?**  
  
-Silence-  
  
**They can't hear me..**  
  
-I can-  
  
"Then why do you want to talk to me about it?"  
  
Snape clenched his teeth. Released them. Clicked the fingernails of his thumb and forefinger against one another. "Because there are some things.." He began, his voice neutral. "That would be helpful for me..." A pause. "...lay old demons to rest, shall we say." The last phrase was painfully annunciated. Snape's eyes were drifting, sharp, pleasant and cold at the same time. Perfectly personifying the tension in the room.  
  
"What do you want to know?"  
  
"You're not stupid, Albus."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"No need. It's common knowledge." Suddenly, Snape turned round completely in his chair, eyes serious and staring intently at the Headmaster of Hogwarts school. His abuser. "Dumbledore..."  
  
Was that fear in Dumbledore's eyes?  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Severus took in a shallow breath. "You hurt me. You can't pretend you did-- "  
  
"I never hurt you," he replied quickly, a little too sharply for Remus' comfort. "I never did anything--"  
  
"--To harm me?" Snape leaned back a little, careful not to fall backwards as the back of the chair was what was supporting his side. "Not purposefully. But you hurt me. In more ways than one. And you manipulated me... toyed with my emotions--" he stopped. "My, hasn't that one been bandied around a fair few times, no?"  
  
"Severus--"  
  
"You made me believe, Albus," Severus continued, eyes flashing. "You made me believe that it was something *special* that you were giving me. Making me unique. Then you'd play around with it, hinting at the others that were woth more of your time, to keep me coming. God knows you knew I wouldn't have kept coming if not for the fact that I felt so goddamn *alone*." Snape exhaled forcefully through his mouth. "You knew that my father was dead... you knew that my mother was too worn down by grief... You knew so much," he whispered. "And yet you did the things you did..."  
  
Remus observed Dumbledore. He seemed crumpled, worn. His eyes were filled with a weird sort of grief, depression... as if he had lost something or someone. Tears appeared to be filming his eyes.  
  
**Does he know what he's doing...?**  
  
-Aye. You just watch-  
  
"I had my reasons..."  
  
"Do you still have them now?" Severus asked relentlessly.  
  
Dumbledore sighed. "You mean... have I used any other child to satisfy me?" He looked at the floor and swallowed. Severus had steepled his two index fingers against each other and was resting his chin on the point. "No." Was the simple reply. "No, I haven't."  
  
Severus dropped interrogation mode.  
  
"I take it you also want to now why, yes?"  
  
"Mm."  
  
A wry look to his face and Dumbledore took in a deep breath. "I have no idea what you go through. I have no idea what Harry, or any of my students or staff go through. Just so, neither do you or anyone else kows what I go through. What I went through... having the Ministry heap their little obstacles upon me... I could live with that, I'm older than their grandfathers, of course they'd ask me... juggling spies, different classified informations..."  
  
"So you used me as something to vent out all your frustrations...?"  
  
"I needed someone..." Dumbledore insisted quietly. "It could have turned out so much more differently--"  
  
"It didn't. So shut up. And stop whining."  
  
This silence was hard.  
  
"I tried to vent... not my frustration as such.. but the love that I could-- "  
  
"That wasn't love." Snape said shortly. "Love is supposed to make you feel good about yourself, when you receive it. If you were trying to make me fall in love with you... you went the wrong way about it... entirely... You made me feel dirty, used, soiled. Unclean. You are right. You don't know what I go through. I don't know what you go through. But just think of this: imagine. You think everyone knows about your dirty little secret. You think they're all whispering about you behind your back... to your face.. in their own little codes... references... The world closes in on you... A hand reaches out for you... you draw away because..." the previously quiet voice was now raised. "Because you can't stand to be touched! But a touch is a blessing! You're refusing a goddamn blessing... you get odd looks... which means that they *do* know..." Snape stopped. He put a hand to his forehead. "It's hell, Albus," he whispered, eyes on the floor. "Absolute hell..."  
  
Dumbledore was about to say something. Snape went on.  
  
"But I had to deal with it. I had to deal with it until I got to Unversity... met a man called Roger, who would have helped me an awful lot if he hadn't died in a car crash a year after graduating... but for what I had with him... it was wonderful. Being loved in that way, without the after affects that you left me..."  
  
Dumbledore interrupted. "Why are you attacking me like this?"  
  
"I need it. Ignore me."  
  
They both stopped. The tension in the ward lessened.  
  
"And Remus?" Albus asked gently, meeting Severus' gaze.  
  
"I think I love him."  
  
"You're telling me this?"  
  
"I just did."  
  
"Why?"  
  
A shrug. "Convenient." Snape got up. Pushed the chair in. Exited the ward.  
  
After the door had closed, Dumbledore got up and sat on the edge of Remus' bed. Blue eyes still on the werewolf's face, he encased a hand into two of his own. Leaning forward ever so slightly, he murmured, "I know, I know... you love him too..." he smiled ironically. "And I'll bet he's told you as well."  
  
He left after that.  
  
Remus didn't know what to make of it.  
  
~  
  
There was no white. Remus was sick of playing around.  
  
He concentrated ont he blackness that was his mind and paid no attention to anything beyond that. He concentrated. He found he could hear. Normally.  
  
There was laughter. He knew of that. It was like light to a seed. He simply reached out for it.  
  
There was a touch on him... somewhere... he reached for it.  
  
A whiff of perfume.  
  
Dots of yellow light.  
  
And he could feel the presence of others against him.  
  
"Look!" A young voice called.  
  
Then it was gone.  
  
~  
  
Only one other person there. He reached out. It had almost worked last time.  
  
Light. Yes, dots... more dots.. *purple* and red and blue and...  
  
Touch... smooth... silk...  
  
"Remus?"  
  
Flutter. Those were his eyeslashes. He could feel them.  
  
"Remus!?"  
  
Open.  
  
He winced, the light hurt his eyes and was beginning to get too much for him. He felt slightly nauseated as well.  
  
Suddenly, he found warmth upon his lips.  
  
"Mmpf?!"  
  
A laugh.  
  
"Severus?" He heard himself croak. The man had turned away. Remus tried to prop himself up on his pillows and succeeded, though he felt a little unsteady. Severus turned back, now with a half full glass of water. He tipped it gently into Remus parched mouth.  
  
"Thanks," he smiled. Severus held him gently.  
  
"I'm so glad you're back." Was all he said.  
  
"I can tell." He drew away. "Severus..." Then he forgot what he was going to say and simply smiled. So he decided to kiss him. "Aen't you going to call Madam Pomfrey up?" He asked mischevously.  
  
"Don't be ridiculous," was the whispered reply, into his hair which made Remus shiver. "Keep you to myself for a while."  
  
*  
  
Snape is a bit harsh to Dumbledore, I know. That tends to happen: ever been in a really good debate with a best friend? Uh huh. See? Happens even then.  
  
Thanks to all who reviewed. And Yahoo for having such a thorough search engine.  
  
Finally. The End.  
  
I sincerely hope you all enjpy the fifth book when it comes out. Try to keep Beneath the Silk out of sight and out of mind, yes? lol.  
  
I love you all. 


End file.
